Page 11 of Bound by Wreckage
4
Carsyn
He’s goingto kill me if he finds out what I’m doing.That thought keeps running on repeat over and over as I get the laundry all together throughout the house. Our dryer hasn’t been working, so I’ve been taking everyone’s clothes to the laundromat because it’sfaster. Since getting a new machine isn’t top priority for Buck, this has become a weekly routine. He doesn’t care as long as the job gets done.
None of the guys want anything to do with washing clothes, and it’s becoming my only peace.
All morning though, I’ve been walking on pins and needles just hoping to act normal enough that Buck and the other guys don’t see a change in me.I’m not stupid—I know I’m being paranoid. I just can’t help it. It’s like if I move a certain way or do something just a bit different it’s going to tip them off.
Buck is capable of anything, and it scares the ever-loving shit out of me. He also knows me too well, and getting away with anything takes finesse.
But for once in my life, I’m going to be selfish and have a normal conversationwith someone. Maybe feel what life is like when you can talk freely with someone. Yet, I’ll have to remember to be on my toes.
Shit.
This is going to be hard. It won’t be as free as I’d like, but it’s more than I have now. And it’s with Nox, the boy I crushed on when I started high school, back when crushes meant something. This is probably a mistake. I know it, but I still findmyself making every move to have this moment for myself.
Carrying the last load to the car, Buck comes up to me, his strides quick. I try to keep the shivers at bay but fail. He says they’re because I want him. Yet, the real reason is I just don’t want to be around him. He makes my skin crawl.
“Be back in two hours or I’m comin’ for ya.”
I nod once. He doesn’t offer to helpme load this last bit in the car. He doesn’t offer to have someone come with me to fold the laundry, which I’m happy for. To him, I’m a work horse. I shop. I clean and cook. I do laundry, and I’ve been doing it since I was fifteen and he and I lived alone. It’s a norm for me, and I see the other women around here not having to do any of it. Makes me wonder what it would be like to not have to bea dolled-up Cinderella.
Buck grabs my chin forcefully pulling my lips to his. He smells of some kind of fish he must’ve had for lunch, making me want to throw up in his mouth. I kiss him back just to get it over with. It’s easier this way, and I keep mints in my bag.
He pulls away. “No fuckin’ around. Got me.”
“Yes, Buck.” He stares in my eyes like he can read inside my brainif I’m telling him the truth or not. Since I am, he pulls away and stomps off. He’s always so angry about everything, has been since the death of his father.
Getting in the car, I get my small escape. The laundromat on Gains is about ten minutes further than I’d normally go, but I thought being a bit further away would reduce the risk of getting caught.
My bruises are getting better,but I still have to cover as much of me as possible, and it’s hot as hell so I sweat. The good thing is my body is moving. Sometimes it’s out of sheer force, but I move. I know better than to give into the pain. The tighter I keep my body, the longer the agony. The more I move, the more I stretch, and the more mobile I become. Each day gets better.
Pulling up to the place, there are nomotorcycles in the lot.
Maybe he decided not to come.
I don’t know if the thought makes me sad or relieved. Forgetting about the lost and disappointed feeling that brings on, I unload my car, then load all the machines. It takes a bit of time since no one in the house sorts anything.
One day, I’m going to throw a red sock in with the whites and make the guys wear pink underwear.That’d go over really well. Like I’d ever do it, though. That’s a price I wouldn’t want to pay.
The laundromat is standard with rows of machines in the middle and dryers on the back wall. There are two people in the place who I don’t recognize.
Moving to the bench after hitting start, I take a seat and lay my head back against the glass wall. I have five machines going and know theywill each go thirteen minutes and drying will take around twenty. Folding will take the longest, but I’ll make it work because being late for Buck isn’t an option.
Peace.
For so many this is a chore they can’t wait to get over with. Not me. This is my solace away from the madness. The hum of the machines is relaxing, and it’s the only time when I can let my guard down.
Fornine years, I’ve kept my guard up never knowing what was going to happen next to me. This time right here, I can be normal even if it’s only for a couple of hours.
“Excuse me.” I jump at the woman’s voice and nearly fall off my chair. “Oh dear!” With my hand on my chest, I work on getting my heart rate back down. Paranoia sucks. The peace I was feeling moments ago vanishes.
Suckingin a deep breath and putting a small smile on my face, I answer, “Yes?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just wondering if you had an extra quarter. I’m short one for the dryer.” The woman is older with gray hair that looks as though it’s been curled within an inch of its life. Her face shows of experience and eyes show wisdom.
Fishing in my pocket, I pull one out andhand it to her.
