Page 50 of Bound by Wreckage
The place is nice. There are four different stations and a small reception area. Photos of different graphics line the walls from top to the tiled floor only allowing the windows their space.
“Great.” Jade comes up beside me. “Let’s go in my room and get your ideasdown.”
Jade takes me down a long hallway where my heart beats rapidly in my chest. I should’ve brought my gun.You can do this,I tell myself and wipe my hands down my pants trying to remove the dampness.
Jade stops in front of a door doing a sweeping motion with her arm for me to enter. The room is just like the ones out in the open in front. The artwork along the walls is intricateand a bit different from the ones out in the main room. Maybe she did all of these? Or someone she cares about? Listen to me.Who cares. Just get the tattoo and be done.
“Have a seat and tell me what you’re thinking.”
The cool vinyl sticks to my legs as I point to my calf. “I’d like another butterfly on top of the others. It has to be 3D but this one I want different. I’d like itred and black and somewhere inside of it can you hide the letter N?”
“Oh, let me get drawing.” She turns to her desk and starts to draw. Some artists like to talk during this process while others like quiet. Judging from her silence, she’s the latter.
It takes her no time at all and she’s showing me the most beautiful butterfly, but I don’t ask where the N is. I want it to be invisibleto the naked eye. Including mine until it’s on my body.
“Perfect. Let me get the ink set up, and we’ll get started.”
The needles poke in my skin over and over again, while the buzzing fills the room. Each movement of the gun causes goose bumps to rise on my flesh.
A message on my skin that no one can erase, as if I’m rewriting my story and starting anew. Because once upona time, I knew what it was to be free and to live a life full of love, happiness, and hope. Most would think that I’d need a blank canvas for that, but for me it’s different. Each tattoo is my life. The good, bad, ugly and really fucking bad all wrapped in words and pictures around me.
I needed this to remind me of the brief moment in time where I meant something other than a pretty face.That a man looked at me like I hung the moon and not as a useless human being.
It had to be a butterfly down with the others on my calf because each one of those represented something I lost and ached to get back. Time. My mother. Freedom. Same with Nox. He was gone—something else I lost in this thing called life. It also represented the strength of the connection I felt with him.
It is also because of Nox, he got me away and gave me a second chance—free. A new rebirth. All of it important. All of it in one small bout of ink on my skin representing so much it should cover my entire body—my entire being.
Something for me to hold dear until my dying breath.
“Hun, you doin’ okay?” Jade asks as I look down at her. She’s covered in concern.
I give her mymost compelling smile that I’ve mastered over the years. It’s the one that’s saved me many times. It will more than likely also be my demise.
“Yep,” I answer, laying my head back on the cushioned chair.
This is something that no one can take away from me. A piece of him that I’ll carry for all times. No matter if Buck finds me or doesn’t, at least I’ll remember.
A sharp stabof fear, then resolve comes over me.
Fighting, kicking, and screaming would be the only way. Never would I go willingly. I’d pay for it, that much I know. But under it all, I’ve learned from Gunny that I’m a fighter. I refuse to go down easy, no matter how much it will cost me later.
Carving out a little bit of happy isn’t easy when you’re always looking over your shoulder wonderingwhen the other shoe will drop. Because it will. At some point before I die, the shoe will hit the ground and shatter my world.
It could be Buck or something else, but I’ll be as ready as I can for that moment.
The buzzing continues and I try my damnedest to not let thoughts invade me because each time they do, this feeling pulls me lower. The anguish, hate, betrayal, and hurt allwant to take me down. I’ve let them, many times.
Hope is all I have. The hope that they won’t find me. There is this sliver inside of me that will not die. As my mom used to say,it’s the strength of a Kratos coming through. It’s in our blood, the fight to carry on and push through.She had a thing for Greek Gods that I never understood, but those words are what I hold on to.
“Alldone.”
I sit up and see the amazing butterfly up my calf almost to my knee. The wings are beautifully spread, and the detail of each line is exquisite. The reds are deep and move lighter in some parts, each shading together and creating a beauty I’ll cherish forever. Normally I’d get this done on my birthday, but this one is special and free.
“Where’s the N?”
Jade smiles.“You told me to make it invisible.” Her fingers move to the ink. “Here. It’s in the veins on the bottom right wing.”
Low and behold, there it is blended in with some color. Now that I know it’s there, it’s plain as day. But no one will know by looking at it. It’ll be my secret, and he’ll never leave me.
