Page 19 of Bound by Wreckage
I’m unable to move.
All I can do is endure.
I can’t do this anymoreis the last thing I think before darknessovertakes me.
Slowly my eyes open. I’m disoriented and in excruciating pain.I can’t do this anymore.That memory floats through my consciousness as tears roll down my eyes. There’s no one in Buck’s room, and daylight comes from the window.
I have no idea how long I’ve been here, but I’m naked and my body shows so many more marks. There are even some wide cuts that I need to bandageup. Only for a moment do I wonder what they did to me, then I push it down. Some things are best left alone. I learned a long time ago not to ask questions I’m not prepared for the answer to. In my mind, I have separated the moments. Going back there will do me no good and only bring me pain.
I can’t live like this.
Even on the streets with no roof, no money, and completely aloneis better than this. Better than having men touch me any way they like and physically hurt me.
This has to end, and I have two options. One, get the phone and call Nox, but that has a shit load of risks to it.
Two, end myself.
The second would be the easiest for everyone involved.
If I call Nox, it’ll come down to me being able to get out of here undetected, which isdifficult, but not impossible. Then Nox will be involved, and Buck and his friends will go after Nox.
I can’t do that to Nox. He deserves so much better than me and the problems that surround me.
Option two it is.
Slowly and painfully, I get myself out of the bed and make my way to the bathroom. Inside the medicine cabinet is one of Buck’s blades from his razor, and I pullit out.
Maybe I should do this in the bathtub so Buck doesn’t have to clean it up.Why am I thinking like this? He should clean it up!
My reflection stares back at me in the mirror, last night’s makeup either streaked down my face or worn completely off. Black and blue marks cover me from the neck up, and full handprints around my neck appear that someone tried to choke me.
Too bad he didn’t succeed.
Placing the blade at my wrist near the vein, my hand shakes. Quick. One deep cut to the right vein and done. Tears stream down my eyes as I place the tip of the blade at the vein.
You can’t do this.Echoes through my mind in my mother’s voice twisting everything in my head.
Just do it!
Thoughts war with each other with no clear answer.
I press the tip harder, and a very small trickle of blood escapes.Fast!
Closing my eyes, I begin to press.
The door to the room crashes open as do my eyes, and the blade drops into the sink. Turning quickly, Buck stands there then slams the door behind him.
“You go nowhere today,” he says, grabbing my wrist and pulling me out of the bathroom and onto the bed. “You passedout last night, and my friends didn’t get their fill. Wash your fucking face and be ready.”
His hand cracks against my cheekbone as I cry out. “Stupid bitch. Can’t even lay there with her legs open,” he grunts, looking down on me with disgust. I curl into a ball even as my body screams and yells at me to stop. A fist comes to my back as a shock races up my spine. “Big Jim will get you tonight.”
Buck spits his words and walks out of the room.
Tears cover my face and run to the sheets.
Laying here in despair isn’t going to help, and obviously my tremulous feelings about ending my own life aren’t going to work.
Only one other thing.Nox.
