Page 16 of Bound by Wreckage
I help her carrythe baskets to her car and put them in. She pops the trunk where we add more. I reach into the back and pull part of the fabric away. There’s a small cavity, and I place the phone there. “Right here.”
She does nothing but meet my gaze to acknowledge me.
“It was good catching up with you, Nox. Take care of yourself.” She slips in the car before I can say anything to her, but I pushopen her door and put my body between it, not letting it close.
“Anytime you need me. Day or night. You turn that phone on and call me.” I practically plead with her, but something inside tells me she’s not going to use it.
It’s all I can do right now, and I have to let her make her own decisions. Even if I don’t like them, I have no claim on her and I worry just yanking her outwould have her running back to him out of fear. I don’t have all the pieces to the puzzle yet, but I will.
“Bye, Nox.” Her tone is full of despair. Is it her home? Me giving her a way out? Or just plain fear that when she leaves me she’s going back to him. I’m not sure. Fear can do things to a person, even have them make choices they normally wouldn’t.
I just hope that if she doescall me, it’s not too late.
“Bye, beautiful,” I say, closing the door and taking a step back. She drives off, and I can’t help but watch her go. Sometimes, you just can’t win for trying. This is one of those times.
**
We’ve been busting our asses trying to get Austyn, Ryker, and Emery’s place fixed, and it’s nice having a break. It didn’t take us long because we all workedtogether, but fuck it was a lot of sweat. Both Austyn and Emery loved it. Austyn and Ryker live in the main house while Emery lives in the smaller house to the side.
There’s something going on with her and Jacks, but he hasn’t said much about it yet. It’ll come. Hell, with Micah home too, that shit is going to blow up eventually. Jacks is definitely interested in Emery, but hell if I knowwhat Em wants.
Not my problem. I’ve got enough of those on my own.
My sleep is shit lately. It’s the same dream that repeats over and over again on a continuous loop, never stopping or slowing down. Carsyn. Every damn time it’s about her.
Carsyn’s eyes are void as Buck grasps her around the throat. Her hands come up to claw at his but get nowhere. She looks at me for helpas I dart to her. Except the ground is covered in a quicksand mud, and each step sinks me deeper and deeper into the black depths. Her eyes are pleading with me, and I can’t reach her. Buck lets go only to pull out a gun and fire a shot into Carsyn’s forehead.
Several nights the dream has been on repeat. Each time making me wake up in a sweat and guilt surrounding me because I can’t helpher.
Fuck. I hate this shit. She just won’t leave my dreams.
I’ve never been so consumed by something, by someone as her.
My apartment is down the road from the clubhouse. It’s barely used and is more for storage than actual living. One thing I hate about it is it’s quiet and not a comfortable one. It’s lonelier. Therefore, I usually stay at the clubhouse in my room there.
Growing up around all the commotion is integrated in my head. If I do stay here for some reason, I have to have the music on to fall asleep.
Strange quirk of mine that I’ve learned to deal with over the years.
The ache to get out on the road and escape for a few days hits me hard. Every so often I take off on my own, driving down the coast. It’s become a normal thing with theguys. It gives me time to be alone and recharge with the sound of my bike beneath me. The more I fight my instincts with Carsyn, the more my mind and body crave the escape alone.
Except, I can’t right now because there’s a run that needs to be taken care of. Yes, I’ll be out on the road, but there’s nothing like being on the road and really having no destination except where the wind takesyou. Runs are structured, but that’s for a reason. They have to be planned and alternate routes need to be in mind.
Grabbing shit, I head out the door and fill up my saddlebags with all the necessary stuff for a few days.
Maybe this run will help me get Carsyn out of my head, or if I think about her the entire time it may just drive me crazy.
