Page 29 of Bound by Destiny
“How do you know that?” My mother’s eyes narrow.
“Because he always left again and sometimes longer than the time before. I heard you, Mom. Heard you in your room crying sometimes.”
Her chin goes down to her chest as she shakes her head. “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”
“But I did. I hated it. Hated that the club took him away from you and made you sad.”
Her head lifted like a lightbulb had just gone off in her brain. Like the pieces of my puzzle were finally coming together for her. “And that’s why you have such an issue with the club.”
“Had. Now that I’m older, I get it. But then—no, I didn’t understand that if he loved you so much why he was gone for weeks at a time.”
Her soft hands come to my face and cup my cheeks. “Life is hard. There are no roadmaps that tell you what path to go down. It’s all trial and error. Sometimes you win a path and sometimes it turns in to a mistake you can’t fix. I knew what I was getting into with your father. I knew he’d be gone because that’s part of his job. Yes, some times were hard because it’s overwhelming being alone with a small kid running under your feet all the time, but I’ve never once thought badly of your father or the club because of it. Those were my feelings, and I didn’t project them on anyone else. Not even you. I’m sorry that you heard, but I wish you would’ve talked to me then, not bottled it all up for so long.”
My chest hurts. She’s right. I should’ve talked to her. But once again I was young and didn’t want anyone to see her differently. I thought I was protecting her, but instead, I turned my mind into knots.
Club life has these men on such pedestals. You don’t ask questions, and you don’t ever do anything to make you look weak. That’s how it seemed when I was a boy. Like what kind of family doesn’t allow someone to have a bad day. Now, as a man, I can see it’s not that way. They have each other’s back so no one is ever alone, and there is always strengths in numbers. I just couldn’t see it back then.
“Sorry,” I whisper, feeling tears well in my eyes, not that I’d let a single one fall.
“No, I’m sorry because my actions caused you to have a skewed outlook on the club, your father, and me. That’s not something you need to carry around with you, and it pains me that it has.”
“I didn’t tell you this to make you sad. I just …”
She reaches out cupping my face. “No. I’m not sad or disappointed with you at all.”
“But…”
“At myself, yes. Because I didn’t see it. When you have a family and a child of your own, you’ll understand my feelings. But it’s not on you, Micah. You have to let this all go.”
“I am, Mom. I am. But in the process of my opinions of the club, I pushed Emery away too. Now, I want her back, but something has changed between us.”
My mother sits quietly for a moment. “You’ve both grown up and this is one of those paths one has to make a choice in. You go down A or B and there is no right answer. You go with your gut and see where it leads.”
“She has feelings for Jacks.” I swipe my hand over my face. “I know it. I see it.”
“She may, and that’s something she needs to work out.” She exhales deeply then crosses her legs in front of her, leaning back on her hands. “Emery’s parents had this once in a lifetime love, and she’s heard stories about it all of her life. GT and Angel were childhood sweethearts, and I fully believe that’s what Emery sees in you. But things change, Micah. People change.” Fuck, I thought my mom was supposed to have my back.
Tossing the stuff back in the box, my heart constricts. “And she may have changed her feelings for me.”
“Yes. Does that mean you should give up? No. If she’s truly who you want to spend your days with, you go after that until you feel like you have nothing left to give. Your father didn’t back down from me, and Lord knows I pushed him away more times than I can count. But also go with your gut—I’m not saying that she’s not still in love with you or that she has feelings for Jacks, because I truly don’t know. Your instincts will help you lead the way.”
My mother is wiser than I ever gave her credit for, but in truth, this is the deepest conversation we’ve had since I was a small child. It’s another thing I gave up that I’m taking back.
“I took her pizza the other night, just like I did in school. Thought it would bring back memories for her, and it did. We had a good time together, but something was off.”
“Women are funny like that, but Emery—she’s a thinker, and she’ll go through all the information before acting. It’s an admirable trait that a lot of you picked up from your parents.” She smiles warmly.
“Didn’t know coming back would put me in such a tailspin.”
My mother’s face turns serious, and I know what she’s going to ask before the words fall from her lips. “Why exactly did you decide to move here, Micah? What are your plans here?” She’s not condescending one bit, but she is damn curious.
“I’m still working, so that hasn’t changed.” I pause, thinking of the right way to phrase this without sounding like a fucking douche, as Austyn so politely calls me. “I’ve missed out on too much, Mom. You. Dad. Our family. All of it. I’ve been locked away from everyone and it’s time for a change. If I didn’t make it, I would’ve regretted it. How I’m going to do all that, I still don’t know.” A chuckle escapes. “Dad already told me there’d be blood, and I know that— I’m actually prepared for that. It’s rebuilding what Dad and I lost that I have no idea where to start.”
Mom sits up and leans into me. “You talk to him. Ask him to spend time with you. I mean, you won’t ask like that—but ‘Hey, Dad, wanna go fishing’ or something like that. He does like to do that every now and again these days. Find a common ground where you can start to rebuild. Life is way too short, and I’m so damn happy that you’re home.”
She reaches over and pulls me into a hug. “Can you not tell anyone what I just told you, because I’ll sound like a pussy.”
Mom laughs a sound that I’ve missed for far too long. “Awe, don’t want anyone to know you have a heart?” she teases, earning a chuckle from me. “No worries, Son. My lips are sealed, but you need to follow through with connecting with your father.”
