Page 21 of Bound by Destiny
“Because I didn’t want anyone to think she was available. It had nothing to do with her being anything but a damn good friend.” He holds out his phone showing me a picture of Jacklyn and another woman kissing. Shit. “Can we sit down and do this, Em?”
No!I want to scream it at the top of my lungs, then go over and punch him in the face. Too bad I don’t have my knife. The least I could do would be to flip it around in my fingers in warning.
I don’t want to be jilted, jaded. I also don’t want to feel like this, but it’s so raw like an open wound festering, burning, unable to heal, and he’s tossing salt in it and making it worse. The feelings for him are always there, never going away and just below the surface, ready to burst from me. It’s like he just won’t go away. And I’m not even one hundred percent I want him too, which makes me a total contradiction.
Moving to the kitchen, I avoid his stare. “Yeah. Do you want something to drink?”
“Beer if you got it.”
I nod toward the couches. “Have a seat. I’ll be right there.” Having him move around my place feels odd, which makes no sense at all considering how much time we spent together before. I guess sometimes the hurt and pain you inflict on the ones you care about binds you up so much you don’t know what end is up or what end is down.
Butterflies swarm in my chest and I can’t tell if it’s excitement, nervousness, or anger. The feeling is unique and figuring it out is going to take more time than I have at the moment. Inhaling a deep breath to calm myself doesn’t work as I want it to.
Jacks pops into my mind. He didn’t have to leave; in fact, I didn’t want him to. Even with all the time we’ve been spending together this past week since I moved in here, he’s kept his distance from me. He’ll hug me and kiss the top of my head in a sisterly way, confusing me all the more.
How can I be thinking about Jacks when Micah is in the other room? My guess is because with Micah there are so many things from our past that make the feelings for him deeper, like we’re connected in a way that I’ll never be with another person.
We have stories of our childhoods together and our adulthoods. Each one layering itself deeper into our story. Yes, we all have a story and mine and Micah’s may have hit some snags, but there were so many good times too. Ones that others didn’t get to see when it was just him and I. That’s where I’m coming up empty.
“Em?” Micah calls, pulling me into the present and jolting me from my head spinning around like Beetlejuice in that damn movie.
“Yeah.” Making my way into the living room, I hand him a beer and take my diet Dr. Pepper to the chair next to the couch. My mom and dad got me a brand new set as a housewarming present the day I moved here. I told them that those are only for those who buy their home, but they didn’t care. Mine from the apartment were junk from college, and I knew my father would blow his top if I refused to take it. He has a bit of a temper that luckily with my brother, Deke, home for good now, he’s seeing the error of his ways and dealing with it. My father still has it though, don’t let him fool you.
Pulling my feet underneath me, I sink back into the plush chair and hold my can like it’ll help protect me from whatever blows Micah has in store for me. It’s now or never. Time to rip off the Band-Aid. “Things aren’t good between us.” My voice is stronger than I feel inside, making me proud.Never show fear!That’s what my brother tells me, which is so hard to do in situations like this. It’s why I keep the anger. It’s an emotion that I feel protects me the most.
“I know. Can I explain myself?”
I nod and take a drink of my soda, the coolness doing nothing to settle me. The least I can do, though is hear him out. Even if some of the things he tells me are going to hurt, at least it will be out in the open and we can deal with it. If he’s staying in Sumner, it’ll be better when we see each other that we can at least be cordial, because he obviously doesn’t want much to do with me from the way he’s treated me. I’m probably thinking too far ahead in the future—because I don’t see a true truce happening, at least right away. Time will tell.
Micah leans back into the couch, sitting like he used to on my old couch back at college. His legs spread wide and an air of confidence in him. Times like this I see his father, Tug, in him, not that I would tell him that considering their rocky relationship. It seems that every relationship Micah has is rocky.
His gaze bores into me as I stare down at my can, getting ready for the blow and trying to put up some steel walls around my heart for whatever is about to come.
“I loved our takeout nights, Em. They were the highlight of my week.”Mine too. “Being with you outside of the club was a true eye-opener for me. The way we laughed and talked meant more to me than I was willing to allow myself to recognize. Letting you in was difficult because you were the only one that I did let in that deep.”
A sudden chill runs over my arms, and I set the soda down to wrap my arms around myself. He’s always been on the outside—it was no secret—but to really know that I was the only one he let in, what little he did, shocks me to my core.
“When I gave in to our connection and the spark that was always between us just dying to ignite and take over, I didn’t know what to do. When our lips touched, you were the only thing in my world. Your taste embedded in my head, and the softness of your skin was something I’d never experienced.”
God, he felt that way—about me? I’d always thought it was more one-sided, being my side. How wrong I was? Warmth flutters through me, elevating the cold.
He blows out a breath like what he’s about to say has been weighing heavy on him as I feel my body jolt. “I always knew if I let myself go there with you, it would be amazing. I had told myself over and over not to cross that line because going back would be near to impossible. But selfishly I took.”
“And, Micah, I gave—freely.”
His lips tip in a smirk that I see in my dreams often. “Yes, you did. The problem is I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know what this change would mean to us. There were so many feelings racing through me. Did you know the night we kissed I drank vodka until I puked?”
This makes me still as shame makes its way to the surface, threatening to spill out. “No, you never told me. Did I disgust you so much you had to drink?” I try to brush off the feelings, but the ache inside me is deep, cutting like a knife, and it’s hard to alleviate. How could he think telling me this now helps anything?
His head shakes quickly. “No, Em. That kiss was everything I’ve always wanted with you.”
Damn, I’m so confused now. “You’re losing me here. Can you stop running around, chasing your tail, and just say what you need to say so we can get on with our day?” I snap, ready to be done with this and be alone so I can sort everything out.
“Em, my feelings for you have been locked up tight for years. I’ve never allowed them to come out. But that night, the kiss… They did and not gonna lie—I freaked out. I know it sounds stupid. I know it makes no sense, but it’s the truth. You’ve had me twisted inside since we were kids, then actually tasting you—I lost it.”
My head swirls, trying to take in all the information he’s throwing at me. It’s a lot to process.
“It’s why I brought Tina to your house. It was stupid and I swear I was drunk when the plan hit me, but I went along with it. I didn’t even know her well.”
