Page 12 of Bound by Destiny
“Encoding for bank systems. I come up with the encryptions for their security programs and come up with ways to enhance the features of their in-house systems as well.”
My father sits back in his seat, a look of awe floating across his hard features. I wait. Is the ball going to drop? Is he pissed? What does he think? I’ve never been able to read the man, ever.
“Wow, son, that’s impressive.”
For the first time in forever, I feel like I can breathe. He’s proud of me, impressed by me. Holy shit. It’s something that I’ve wanted for a while now. It was like I needed to hear it from him. That I wasn’t a total waste of space. I’ve always known he cares about me as his kid, but I’ve never heard him say that he was impressed by what I was doing.
Pushing him away all these years really has come back to bite me in the ass. Choices and decisions we make shape how those around us view us. I’m learning that the hard way, but nothing in life worth having is easy. I have no doubt this is going to be a rocky road.
“Thanks.”
The waiter sets our food down, but my father doesn’t start eating, so neither do I. Waiting. “Always knew you’d do somethin’ with computers. The way you used to take old ones apart and put them back together. Just never knew what you would come up with. This is good, Micah. This is good.”
I feel high, and I ride that wave all the way through dinner. Even when I tell my parents bye and watch them drive off.
The soundof keyboard clicking echoes through the room. It’s quiet, too quiet.
I don’t know the exact moment shit changed, but it has.
Space, time alone, getting lost in the codes—it used to be what soothed my soul.
My dad taught me to ride a motorcycle before they ever even managed to get the training wheels off my bicycle. As much as I wanted a truck with a lift kit, I got a Harley for my sixteenth birthday. When shit would get rough between me and my dad, he would take off on his bike saying he needed the open road to keep from throttling me.
I didn’t understand it then.
Computers, my job, this is what always gave me the calm he found on the road.
Only now, the calm was gone.
In its place was this tightness in my chest. It was like a boa constrictor had wrapped around my insides sucking the life from me.
The room is almost claustrophobic, something it’s never been before. I love knowing my way around the computer, but ever since my parents left two days ago, it doesn’t give me that fulfilled feeling I had at one time.
I feel the urge to call my father which I’ve never had before. I don’t quite understand it. It’s new and surreal. We didn’t have the same bond most people did. He didn’t understand how I found peace in my head getting lost in series of numbers to build a program and I definitely didn’t understand his version of family.
Ravage is family to him.
I didn’t get it for so long. How could these people who weren’t blood be so important? Sometimes I felt like the club mattered more than me.
Those were foolish boy thoughts. I was so wrapped up in myself and doing anything not to live that life, I missed what a true home it was.
Now, that I can see clearly, I can feel the absence of it all, I think I get it. Finally, I understand the connection, the feeling, and I crave the acceptance like never before.
Which is why suddenly, my apartment isn’t home. My computers aren’t my safe place.
I am truly lost.
I’m consumed by an empty feeling. Like I’m missing more than I realized. Ever.
Shaking my head, I flip to the other screen I have running. Reading the code, my stomach drops to my feet.
Fuck. I need to get out of here.
Now.
5
Jacks
