Page 44 of Needing to Fall
She chuckled. “Because she was a pain in my ass.”
My heart felt the hit on that one, but I kept charging along.
“I’m laughing because, even after she was gone, Robert left me. I should have known he wouldn’t be man enough to raise someone else’s kid.”
The bricks above me started to tumble down, each hitting me on the head as everything I thought I knew was blown out of the water in an explosion so big it shook me to my foundation. I tried to hold on as it quaked.
“Someone else’s kid?”
She took a puff on her cigarette and blew the smoke out the door and into Lynx and my face. “I hooked up with my boss a couple of times. Robert couldn’t have any kids, so he knew I fooled around. Damn, he hated that little girl.” Every word that came out of her mouth came with nonchalance, like I had meant nothing to either of them.
The air around me began to press in, but I did my best to force it back.
“Yeah, I looked.” She looked me up and down. It was like her clouded brain had cleared and thoughts started firing. Her eyes widened, and she crossed her arms over her stomach. “It’s you.” This time, there was no laughter, only disbelief. She had to be shitting me if she thought I had bought that whole I-thought-you-were-dead spiel.
“I told you who I was; you refused to see it,” I said with confidence I didn’t have on the inside, but there was no way this woman was seeing any of that. “Who is my father?”
“Didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” She paused, and for a brief moment, my heart latched on to the words, hoping she would turn around and be happy to see me. Then she had to go and ruin it. “Damn. I could have lived my whole life without it. And you fucking look just like me. Fucking hell.” The disappointment in her words was more than evident, and I tried to keep my anger from taking back over.
At least I knew now why my “parents” hated me so much. My mother was a cheat, resulting in me, pissing her husband off; something so fucking simple that had absolutely nothing to do with me. It was all on them. This was their burden, not mine. Yes, they had treated me like shit, and my life was hell, but what if I would have stayed with them like I had thought so many times before? I had thought if I would have been better, we could have been a family. I realized in that moment there was never going to be a family here. I was the product of an affair and had to live the consequences of it.
The earth below me started tipping, but it wasn’t pulling me under. No, it was righting itself.
Sure, I had a lot of shit to deal with, but this part was clearer. The more I thought about it, the anger and hate for this woman swirled around me. She was never my mother, only an incubator, and by the looks of her, there was no telling what I’d had in my system when I was born.
“Who is my father?” My words came out monotone, but there was a tinge of demand there.
“You think I’m gonna tell you that? He doesn’t even know you exist.” Another blow, but I took it and still stood tall. “No matter. By the look of ya, he wouldn’t want you, anyway.” That one hit hard.
“Considering I look like you, and he fucked you, I’m sure he’d see me.” Even though my comment was immature, it still felt good to say since it was true.
Lynx’s hand came to my hip, giving me a slight squeeze that I didn’t shy away from. I needed to know he was there, that he had my back. I was the one doing this, but he was there to support me if I needed it, and although I did, I wasn’t going to let this woman see that.
“I’m not telling you nothing, and I don’t want to see your face here ever again,” she snarled.
“You don’t have to worry about that.” But I was going to find out who my father was in one way or another.
Knowledge is power.
“Where are we?” I asked as Lynx pulled the truck into a large lot. Off to the side was a lit up park. We were the only vehicle around, which made my stomach do a flip. “What are you doing?” I tried not to panic, but today had been too much. After the discussion with the incubator, I needed time to process, something Lynx had given me as he was driving, but apparently, he was done waiting.
“You’ve had a shitty day. Let’s do something fun.”
Fun?What the hell was that? I didn’t do fun. I never had the money for it. I worked, paid my bills, and lived in my apartment. I did the occasional going to grab a bite to eat with Andi, but I didn’t do fun.
“What?”
“Something fun for us to do. You may not want to, but you need it, and what I have in mind will help.”
He was right. I didn’t want it. I wanted to go back home and figure out who my father was. There had to be something that would tell me. The determination to find out burned red hot, and I was anxious to try to figure out who he was.
“I need to get back.”
“No, you need to have fun and let all that shit go for a while. You said you trusted me. Has that changed?”
“Of course not,” I answered.
“Then let’s live.”
