Page 25 of Needing to Fall
“All right, Lynx. It’s Reign’s turn.”
My eyes shot to Wrestler McMann as I took in his words. I didn’t know why I was surprised that he switched it up on me, but I was.
“I want to talk about Andi,” he said.
The blood in my veins turned cold. While I missed her, I still blamed her for putting me in here. She was the one who had said “get your closure,” and when I did, bam, it blew up in my face.
“I’d rather not.”
“Andi, is that a chick or a dude?” Lynx asked.
I didn’t hesitate to answer him. “Chick.”
“I know you are very angry with her; we need to discuss this,” Wrestler McMann proclaimed, and I felt the sudden urge to claw his eyes out. “She is the one you held the gun on. I need to make certain she is safe.”
The red film that covered my eyes couldn’t be stopped, so I didn’t even try. I clenched my hands into fists and tried to breathe, but that didn’t work, either.
“I didnothold a gun to her. I’d never harm her in any way, shape, or form. The bitch lied to get me in here, and you all bought it.” I shifted my feet and put my hands on my knees. They kept bouncing, driving me nuts. “She didn’t know how to ‘deal’ with me, so she made it up.”
“She just cares about ya,” Lynx said.
I stilled. How could he be taking her side in this? He was supposed to be on mine. He was supposed to understand that form of betrayal couldn’t be fixed. He had to know that it was fucked up that she lied. He had to.
“What?” I clipped out harshly at him.
“Put your daggers down.”
I glared at him, but it did nothing. He kept going.
“You were going to off yourself, and she couldn’t stop you any other way. I don’t know the chick, but if you’re her friend, then I see it. She gives a shit.”
I sat back, some of the anger leaving me.She gave a shit.Such simple words, but they were ones that I gripped on to hard.
“Look, if she didn’t care, she would have left the room and let you do what you had to do. But she didn’t. She took action and did what she knew. You don’t think she had a hard time coming to that conclusion? That driving you here didn’t gut her? I bet it did and that she’s spent this entire time you’ve been in here beating herself up for it.”
“But she’s the reason I’m here,” I defended.
“The only other option she had was to watch you put a round in your head. Turn that around and put Andi in your place.”
The thought shocked me to my core, and my toes curled as the air sailed from my lugs in a burst.
“Exactly,” he said. “Don’t tell me that she was doing it to be a bitch. She just didn’t want to see someone she cares about on the ground in front of her, dead.”
Somehow, the reverse scenario penetrated my thick skull. I could see it. Through the hurt and the anger I felt toward her, I could see where she had been coming from. I could see the gut-churning pain she must have felt from watching me go to pieces without being able to do a damn thing about it.
Imagining her sitting there with a gun in her hand was almost too much to take. She was sunshine, not dreary. As tears fell from my eyes, I didn’t even take the time to bat them away.
“Babe, you have a somebody. You’re not alone.”
The dam burst open. I pulled my knees up to my body and rested my head on them, covering it with my arms. I wasn’t sure if I was hiding or just trying to get small. All I felt was sadness. I did have someone who cared, someone other than Drew, and I was going to let her walk in on my dead body. What kind of person was I to do that to someone who cared about me? I fought the tears that craved to continue to fall as the hurt sliced me.
“But she deserves better than to put up with my shit,” I mumbled into my knees.
“She’s a big girl. If she didn’t want to put up with your shit, she’d be gone.”
I shook my head back and forth. He just didn’t understand.
“Babe,” he said, but I ignored him. Seconds ticked by before he said, “Reign.”
