Page 84 of Needing to Fall
I had needed twenty-one stitches in my hand after they had removed all the pieces of broken stoneware. The cut had sliced pretty deeply, but the doctors at the hospital had fixed me up as good as new. My shoulder and neck were banged up a bit, but nothing was out of place, just sore.
I had called into work, even though I didn’t want to, because I wanted the money I earned. However, it was for the best. Besides, I would be back the next night. I would have to wear a plastic glove over my cut hand, though, so liquid wouldn’t mess up the stitches. That was going to prove challenging, but I could handle it.
I had learned I could handle more than I had ever thought possible.
“It was the blood,” he said roughly.
My heart ached for him. I put my hands under my chin and rested it on his chest. If he wanted to talk about it, I would listen to every word and give him my undivided attention.
“It was the loud crash, too, but when I saw you on the ground, bleeding, I was taken back to a place where blood was spilled everywhere. I was angry at the toy,” he said softly. I didn’t know what to think on that one.
“I was. That’s why I threw it, probably smashing it to hell.” He wiped his face with his hand. “I need to buy Bray a new one.”
I gave him a small kiss on his chest in hopes that he would continue, that he would let me into this part of him. I had a lot of Lynx except this. He had never cracked that door open to me, yet right then, he was.
“I hadn’t had an episode since the one when you got out of the hospital. I thought, for some stupid reason, it had finally released me, that I was finally free from being thrown back in time, but I’m not.” He sighed loudly as he continued, “I don’t think it’ll ever go away, but Reign, I have to tell you I am so much better than what I was.”
My heart constricted as everything I felt for this man steeled around my heart.
“I was really bad when I got home. Any sound would have me on edge. It’s what landed me in the hospital so many times. You know what helped me?”
“What?” I asked.
His hand rubbed absently over my back. “Talking to other Vets who had gotten out and had the same problems as me, who had been through war, seen some of the same things I had. I hated that they had to live with it like me, but I was also relieved I wasn’t alone. I had someone I could talk to who would get it, who would understand. And, babe, I know you’ve been through shit, but until you’ve been in a war zone, you wouldn’t get it. I’m not saying that to be a dick, but it’s the truth.
“War is its own entity. It changes you in ways civilians don’t understand. It makes you a different person than you were before you went in.”
I wanted to ask in what way it had done that to Lynx, but it didn’t matter. The Lynx he was right then was the one I loved. Besides, if I didn’t have to dredge up any of the bad shit, I wasn’t going to.
“I am who I am, babe.” He leaned up and kissed my forehead.
“I love who you are, Lynx: the good, the bad, the sometimes scary.”
His hand stilled. “I don’t want you to be scared of me.”
“I’d never seen you like that, and it will take me some time to understand it, but I’m here with you. I’ll do whatever I can to help you battle back your demons. I didn’t fear that you would hurt me; I feared I wasn’t going to be able to clear the look in your eyes. That was what I was afraid of.”
“You reminded me of what I needed to do, and I thank you for that.” Lynx kissed my head again then lay back down. “We may not be perfect, babe, but we’re perfect for each other.”
I smiled, remembering I had said those words. They were truer than ever. “Absolutely.”
He pulled me on top of him and kissed my lips softly and sweetly. As we made love, we let our bodies tell each other how deeply our feelings ran for one another. I felt it down to my soul that Lynx was the guy for me. I loved him, and he loved me, warts and all.
***
“Damn, woman, that’s scary shit right there.” Andi placed her coffee mug back down on the table.
We had just finished eating dinner, the two of us talking about what had happened since the last time we had spoken. I had told her about Lynx and what had happened at his sister’s. I needed someone other than Lynx to talk to. I didn’t know why, but I did.
Lynx got me, and I got him, but there was just something about talking to your best friend that made it more freeing, more liberating.
“I know.”
Andi tugged her bottom lip between her teeth. “You sure this is good? You both have so much shit you’re dealing with. Are you sure it’s wise for you to get in this deep with someone who has problems as bad as you?”
That thought had never crossed my mind.
“As far as I’m concerned, we love each other, ugly bumps and all. Yeah, we have problems, but so do other people.” I grabbed my napkin, needing something in my hand, and I twisted it. “I think we understand each other better since we’ve both fought and are fighting to be free of it all.”
