Page 58 of Needing to Fall
As I gripped the chains, they were hard and unforgiving, but the air around me was so freeing.
This … This was freeing.
I turned to see Lynx’s large body behind me, his hands on his hips, and a smile across his face.
“Babe, we’ll come here every day if you’re gonna smile like that.”
I didn’t wipe it from my face. I felt it: pure utter happiness from a swing. I was a kid, so free and climbing up so high. My heart thumped in tune with the ups and downs of the swing, and I loved every second of it.
That entire week, I hadn’t had another nightmare about Drew. I believed it was due to the strong man whose arms wrapped around me at night, but he said it was all me. It was a tossup, one I wouldn’t know since there was no way I was giving up waking up next to him if I didn’t have to.
We had been staying at his place, because I didn’t want to hurt Andi in any way. I had hurt her enough when she had come in that day and seen Lynx with his arms around me tightly.
Every time I turned around, I kept doing hurting her, and I hated myself for it. Therefore, I had made myself a promise that I would do everything I could so she didn’t hurt. I had early dinners with Andi, and we talked on the phone regularly, but my nights were spent at Lynx’s place. No way would I bring Lynx to Andi’s to spend the night. It was disrespectful.
Also, I had come to really love Pepper. I asked Lynx why he had a dog, just out of curiosity. It surprised me when he told me the VA he went to had suggested it, saying dogs were great companionship. In turn, it would help him through his dark. Hearing that, I allowed Pepper to help me out, too. I really liked the pup.
I had thought long and hard over this time, as well, and knew a visit to Drew was in my future. I was tired of living in the shadows. I didn’t want to feel the darkness overtake me again. I wanted to be happy, free like I felt today. I deserved a small sliver of it. I needed to grab life by the balls and take it, which was exactly what I was going to do.
No more running. No more hiding. I had wiped my incubator from my life and all her toxicity. Now I needed to get right with Drew. I needed to know that he was okay. I needed closure, just like Andi had tried to get me all those months ago. She had been right then. I hadn’t seen it and reacted. It was time to be proactive, instead.
Knowledge is power.Lynx’s words rang through my head. It was time to get the knowledge so I could move on.
Even as I flew through the air, letting the wind take my hair whichever direction it wanted, I felt the change in me. I had lived in the dark for so long, but I had a choice. I could either stay in the dark or make it so my life was filled with more moments like these. I chose to live.
If going to see Drew would help me to move to that, I would do it.
I hadn’t told Lynx yet, but I planned on going there after my talk with Wrestler McMann the next day. I knew he would be by my side if I asked him. Nevertheless, I was going to do it on my own two feet. I was a woman now, not some scared child. I had choices now, and I was going to make the best ones for me. I was putting me first.
“You about ready?” Lynx moved to the side of the swing.
I gave him a pouty lip. “Already?” I mock whined, playing with him.
He smiled. “Already?We’ve been at this for over an hour.”
We had? Damn. Time always flew by when I spent it with Lynx. It was so natural, easy, like I was meant to be with this man.
I slowed the swing and hopped off with a giggle, walking right into Lynx’s arms. I stood up on my tiptoes and connected my lips to his. Each time I tasted him, he tasted better and better.
It only took seconds before the kiss turned scorching, and we had to pull away for fear we would blow up Lynx’s backyard. Yes, he had a swing that hung from a tree in his backyard. It was beautiful out there, serene, relaxing. Some nights, we would eat dinner out on the deck before I went to work if I didn’t meet Andi because she had a shift. Luckily, tonight was my night off.
The tips were helping me out tremendously, and with Andi not allowing me to pay for anything, I was saving every penny. Soon, I would be able to get my own place and my own car. That would be freedom, independence, and power coming back in my life full-fledged.
“Come on. I’ve got snacks set up and the movie queued up, ready to go.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me up to the house.
It was amazing how comfortable I felt in this space and how wonderful I felt just being with Lynx.
The evening had been going so well, just like every other evening I had spent with Lynx. After the movie, we climbed into bed. I loved that he never pushed me when it came to being close, but tonight … Tonight, I was ready for more. I needed Lynx like I needed to breathe. I was ready to live.
I turned over, our faces inches apart when Lynx opened his eyes, questioning me. I answered his look by kissing him with every bit of emotion I felt yet didn’t have the guts to say.
Our lips melded together in a dance so beautiful I almost didn’t want to stop it, but I did.
I sat up and straddled him. Then, gripping the hem of my shirt, I lifted it from my body, exposing my breasts to him. I was nervous, so damn nervous I would mess this up or not do it right. However, I just went with my instinct and didn’t second-guess myself a thousand times like I had done a few days prior. I had known it was coming, and I had tried to prepare myself. Regardless, nothing could prepare you for the way a guy looked at you like Lynx was looking at me. It was like I was the only woman he had ever wanted in his entire life, and I was beautiful to him.
Lynx coughed. “What’s going on, Reign?” he asked, his hands clenching on my thighs. He wanted to touch me, but he was holding himself back for me. I loved how he took care of me.
I spoke softly, “Touch me.”
