Page 51 of Needing to Fall
The blackness I had kept at bay for the past week came back with a vengeance, swirling so rapidly it almost knocked me to my knees. I clutched the small desk that held the register, trying to get some grasp on myself, trying to stop myself from falling under, trying to gain some sort of control.
Large hands came to my arms, and I jumped, turning around fast. Lynx was there, his face set in hard lines.
“Come on.” He grabbed my hand, pulling me away from the bar and down the hall toward the bathroom. I didn’t resist, only followed. “Here.” He pointed to the women’s room.
I shook my head, pointing to the door on the opposite side. “Break room.”
He wasted no time getting us into the small room and flipping on the light. He pushed the lock on the door, but I felt no panic from that. No, the panic was from me. My short comings, everything I was lacking as a woman hit me like a wrecking ball, crashing down the structure I had started to build within me.
I scurried around, trying to pick the pieces up to snap them back in place, but they were in a piled, jumbled mess, only making me feel more lost.
“Talk to me,” he demanded.
I shook my head, not wanting to tell him, still wrapping my head around the turmoil inside as my world began to tip.
“Yes, we talk. That’s what we do, Reign. You can do this.” His words came out encouraging and light instead of demanding, which I felt some sort of relief from. It was nice to have someone in my life who understood what was happening to me.
Then I blurted, “Why are you with me?”
It was the million-dollar question, one that had plagued me since he had showed up on my doorstep. I was a mess and had more issues than a person could count, so why would this big, strong man want anything to do with me? After all, judging by the looks the other women gave him, he could have his pick, and none of them would have so much weight on their shoulders.
“Because I want to be,” he answered quickly, his hands coming to my arms then sliding down to my hands and intertwining our fingers. It felt good, comfortable, and safe, which made this so much harder, but there was no way I was letting go.
“Why?” I challenged, clutching him for dear life, wanting to know, not wanting to know, scared of the answers.
“Because you’re Reign.”
My brows drew together. “What?”
“The moment you sat in a ball like a scared little rabbit, I knew. When you smarted off to me, telling me about the life you’d lived, I knew. When you opened up at the hospital, I knew. And when you talked to me, ignoring the others in the room, eyes solely focused on me, I knew. When I saw you again after all those days, I knew. When you allowed me to support you when we went to your mom’s, I knew. And I definitely knew when we were lying there, talking like we’d been doing it for years.”
“Knew what?” I asked softly, my nerves bouncing all over the place. It wasn’t the blackness that was starting to envelop me by that point. No, it was something else that I didn’t have a name for.
When he raised our laced fingers, pulling them between our bodies, I had to take a step closer to balance myself.
“I knew there was a spark in there. I knew, whatever man was lucky enough to ignite it, he would be in for the most special gift you could give: you.”
Tears fell from my eyes in a steady rhythm. That had to be the sweetest, kindest thing anyone had ever said to me. I believed he meant every word of it, too.
I didn’t want to ruin the moment, but I had to ask, “What if I can’t give you what you need?”
He smiled. “You can. You do. You just don’t know it yet.” His eyes flared as he pulled me even closer to him, his head dropping down before he brushed his lips against mine. It was almost an illusion. The only way I knew it had actually happened was from the tingles on my lips. “When you’re ready, we take this further.”
I was beginning to feel like the lucky one in all of this as he brushed his lips against mine again. It felt so good, so damn good I wondered what it would be like to have more.
Damn, I hated that my emotions bounced all over the place. I was hoping the medicine would even out my ups and downs, but it was still early and the doctor had said it could take a month to six weeks before it showed any improvement.
“Plans just changed for the night,” he said, not releasing his grasp on my hands that felt warm in his.
“To what?”
“It’s still a surprise.” He reached down and kissed my forehead.
The giddy and excited feelings came back, which I liked much better than the others, as the blackness was kept at bay, even if it was only for a little while.
“Where are we?” I looked around the wide open space. Trees lined the road we traveled down, opening up to a clearing with even more trees and bushes along the space. In the middle was a cabin. It was rustic and looked like it was built by hand, like one of those I had seen on the DIY shows I liked. It was lit up with lots of light casting a glow around the entire space, showcasing a beautiful deck that, from what I could see, looked as if it went around the entire home. Plants hung from the rafters of the porch, and old rocking chairs were a focal point along with a small table. It was nice. Secluded, but nice.
“My place.”
