Page 42 of Needing to Fall
“Trust me?” he asked.
I froze. I hadn’t expected him to ask me something like that so bluntly. Trust had always been something I didn’t give. It made me vulnerable. Giving someone your trust meant they could hurt you in ways you never dreamed, and it wouldn’t be a physical pain. No, it would be the emotional backlash that killed.
Then again, on the flip side, I did trust him. It was in my gut, and I had to follow it.
“Yes,” I answered.
He grinned like my answer was the perfect one before he pulled onto a side street and parked the truck.
My heart began to thump in my chest so hard I swore if you looked at my flesh, you could have seen it. My skin got clammy just as my hands began to sweat. Air didn’t want to go into my lungs, and I had to pull hard for it. The blackness was threatening me. It was right on the cusp, and if I didn’t hold on with two hands to something, anything, I was going under.
When a hand on my knee caught my attention, I turned to Lynx.
“Calm,” he said soothingly. “You’re just fine.” His eyes told me it was going to be okay as he gave my leg a soft squeeze that I didn’t pull away from.
I just wished I could get my body to listen. It was strung so tightly I didn’t know what would loosen it. I breathed in and out, hoping it would work.
“She hates me, Lynx. Why am I even here?” I pled with a crack in my voice. I was struggling. I was digging down deep for some sort of strength to get me through this, and it was only coming in small amounts. It wasn’t fast enough as the darkness began to threaten.
“You tell me,” he responded, not answering my question, obviously trying to get me to talk so I would calm down.
I drew in a deep breath, letting the air fill my lungs, my hands calming from the shaking before I answered, “To get answers about why she allowed my father to hurt me.”
He didn’t give me an inch as he prompted, “And …?”
“To find out why she didn’t fight for me when they took me away.” I felt kind of proud of myself for getting it out. It was small, but it was the little bit of confidence I needed. It didn’t stop the nerves or the panic attack that was right there, but it helped relieve it a bit.
His knowing eyes bore into mine. “Right. You deserve to know. Knowledge is power.”
“I remember,” I whispered softly, recalling every little thing Lynx had ever said to me. He didn’t need to know I remembered all the details, even how he was sitting in the room when he had said them. Lynx was right, and that was why I was here: to get that knowledge.
“You always start what you finish. Always follow through once you’ve made your decision. Right or wrong, you deal with that after, but never back down.” His words seemed to have come from experience, and I had none, so I was taking his.
I nodded in confirmation.
“Let’s go.” He nodded back.
I couldn’t make my hand reach for the door handle. It wouldn’t move to grab it as frustration built alongside my nerves. The panic began to move around me in swirls as I fought to gain control.
I closed my eyes.You can do this. You have to do this.I chanted those phrases in my head over and over as my door swung open.
Lynx was standing there. He didn’t extend his hand; somehow, he knew I needed a minute to gather myself.
Digging down deep, I could feel my body changing. My shoulders rose, my spine stiffened with resolve, and my hands stopped shaking.Yes, I can.
Once I rose from the seat, Lynx held his hand out to me, which I took willingly. One, it was like he was my helping hand, so I clutched it, and two, because the damn truck was so big I was sure to fall out of it without any help.
The door slammed shut and bleeps came from the locks. Lynx turned to me.
“You deserve answers. I’m so damn proud of you for taking this step.”
My insides warmed. His compliment hit me on so many different levels I didn’t have time to count them all. However, I felt it down to my bones, and I liked it.
“Let’s do this.” The authority in his voice was comforting. I focused on that, or tried to, the entire walk to the driveway.
Upon hitting the space where the camper rested, I froze, my feet unable to move. It was like they were stuck in thick cement.
“Reign?” Lynx’s voice seemed far away as I stared at the brick home. Thoughts scurried through my head like little mice on their way to find food. There were so many questions, so many what ifs.
