Page 41 of Needing to Fall
Talk … I didn’t want to talk. No, I wanted to run. I didn’t want to talk to her about her liking me then tell her no. She of all people knew I didn’t have relationships, but seeing me with Lynx had to have hurt her, and I absolutely did not want to do that. I never wanted to cause her any pain, not like I had before. Regardless, I had a feeling this was going to go badly no matter what way I dished it out.
“Yeah,” I answered. He was right; we were going to have to talk. I so didn’t want to, but if that was how she really felt, then it would need to be addressed. Of course, I hadn’t the slightest inkling of how to do that.
I dug down deep inside myself. I needed to deal with my mother first. Then I would talk to Andi. I could only handle one thing at a time, and adding in Lynx’s closeness, I was already juggling two. Math was never my strong suit, but I was definitely one over my quota.
“How have you been doing?” Lynx asked, changing the subject, something I was grateful for. The tension was there, but this was a good reprieve.
“Good, I think. I got my job back at the bar part-time.”
“That’s great, babe,” he encouraged, and it felt good to have that, even with my chest heavy at the new revelation.
I kept going. “I’ve been searching for a steady job, but there aren’t that many out there for someone like me.”
“What do you mean by that?”
I shrugged, looking out the window. “All I’ve ever done is wait tables and bartend. There are only so many bars and restaurants around this place.”
“Maybe you need to do something else,” he suggested.
I wanted to chuckle yet held it in.
“Right. Like what? There isn’t much for a high school drop-out to get.” I had always had a complex that I hadn’t finished school. I had hated it when I was there since the kids were downright cruel, but looking back, I wished I had that small, little piece of paper, just to show I had accomplished something in life. As it stood right then, I had nothing, which didn’t sit right with me.
“Anything you set your mind to. What did you enjoy growing up?” His question made my throat constrict.
“I didn’t have things I enjoyed growing up. I didn’t have toys or crayons or any of that kid shit.” I thought back, not one thing standing out. At Christmas, I would get second-hand clothes, never any toys or anything fun. Regardless, I was grateful for them. I needed them, but it would have been nice to have something.
“Let’s think about the last few years. What’s something you enjoyed?” This question wasn’t any better. It was really sad and made me realize just how far I had fallen into myself. It was time to climb up.
“All I’ve done is work since getting my own place.”
“Do you watch TV?”
“Of course.” Everyone did that. It was nothing special.
“What do you like to watch?”
He was going to laugh at me; I just knew it. I didn’t want to tell him but did, anyway.
“Don’t laugh,” I told him, a small smirk playing on my lips. He said nothing, so I continued, “I watch home improvement shows, ones where they take old houses and fix them up.” I turned to look at him, recognizing a small smile gracing his lips, but he didn’t laugh. “But I can tell you I know shit about fixing anything and have never built anything in my life.”
“You never know.” He winked, and my heart did a flip at the silent gesture. I wanted to yell at it and tell it to stop, but it wouldn’t do a damn bit of good. “Maybe we can find a birdhouse or something,” he joked.
I felt the smile spread across my lips and looked down, instantly embarrassed.
“You know you have every right to smile, babe,” Lynx said with conviction, but I hadn’t reached that point yet, the one where I thought I deserved anything. Deserving anything wasn’t on my mind while I dealt with the bumpy road I was on. Therefore, I said nothing, just stared out the window, watching the trees fly by.
“Reign,” he said, and I turned to him, giving him my full attention. “I mean it. Everyone deserves to be happy, and sometimes, it happens when we least expect it.” Those words hung in the cab until we pulled up to a small box house.
“This is it,” Lynx said as I took in my surroundings.
Around the home’s exterior were bushes that looked so overgrown they should have been pulled out by their roots and replaced. The brick and mortar looked decent, but the broken down car and camper off in the driveway looked like they could use a lot of work. The house didn’t look horrible at all.
I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but this seemed almost normal, whatever in the hell that meant.
“Let’s park around the block, and then we’ll go up.”
Puzzlement filled me. “Why?”
