Page 32 of Bound by Affliction
I hiccup, loving that he remembers me before, yet scared he knows menow.
“You worked hard in school, but everything was fun and laidback. Inside, you still are. Have you changed, yep. Does that mean I don’t want to be right where I am?Nope.”
Tilting my head up, I admit, “I don’t like who I changed into, and I don’t know how to getherback.”
“Day by day. Step by step. And I’m here every step of theway.”
“I don’t deserve you,” is the last thing I remember before fallingasleep.
* * *
The shower is runningas I open my eyes noting Green is gone. Or as gone as he’ll give me at the moment. For the past week, I haven’t said anything about Green leaving again. While I still believe he deserves better than me, I also came to the realization that he’s a grown ass man and if he wants to stay and put up with my ass—more power to him. It’s not worth the extra energy to keep fightingit.
It’s nice having him here knowing he won’t let anything happen to me. Not like a watchdog or anything, but a protector because he wants to be. I have yet to ask him if Cooper put him up to it, but I fear the answer so I don’task.
I also fear tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day I leave this place and face the world outside, not that I want to, but because I have to. My mother came over two nights ago and determined that I need to see a counselor about what happened. That I need to talk about my feelings and find ways to cope. That it’s been too long and I have a good man at my side to battle through. There was so much more, but I tuned herout.
We argued. My father sided with her. Green sided with her. I got angry. Let them all know it, and tomorrow I’m going to therapy. At least it’s not at the hospital, and it’s a woman. Not that I have anything against men. Well, okay, I have a little bit against men except for my dad and Green. There are always exceptions to therules.
Not only that, I’m going to see this counselor every day. Oh no, once a week isn’t enough. I’m going every day, except for weekends, starting tomorrow. The anxiety of just stepping out of my apartment is almost too much to bear. Let alone going and talking to someone. And seeing people? I really don’t want to people. But I’m doing it because I believe they are right. This cloud is over me and while it’s only been weeks, I hate the woman I’ve become. I’m not living. I’m drowning and if this woman can help just a small bit and throw me a life preserver—I’m going to takeit.
You’re alive. Those words ring in my head on repeat like a broken record. I am alive. If nothing else, I need to find some way to cope with this, or I fear it’ll get worse; except, I’m not sure how much it could go down from where it is rightnow.
The door to the bathroom swings open, and Green walks out with a towel wrapped around his waist. His tattoo covered chest stares back at me, with ridges, valleys, and hills everywhere. As he uses another towel to dry his hair, his muscles bulge and pull. Small droplets of water trail down his chest and I watch with avid fascination until it meets the towel below, only to repeat theprocess.
My body feels hot and air doesn’t want to come in mylungs.
Sweat forms on my upper lip and I reach up with my tongue licking it off, just in time to catch Green’s eye. Heat flares in them as they dilate taking me in. Fascinatingly, I watch as the towel begins torise.
He holds his arms out. “Look all you want,baby.”
Lord do I. To the point I really can’t breathe and have to clear my throat. Scrambling off the bed, I grab my robe intent on my turn in the bathroom. Not looking at Green, but I can hear him chuckling, damn him. I move to the bathroom, only a bare, strong chest blocks me as I run intoit.
“I…” I clear my throat once again. “I’m going to take ashower.”
Green’s finger comes below my chin as he looks down at me. God, he’s gorgeous. He’s the man that women see on the movie screens and melt into a pile of day-old slurpies. He probably should’ve tried for an acting career. He could’ve made big money with that face and body. Hell, the bones in his jaw and nose are so on point, I’m pretty sure I could measure everything and it would beperfect.
Everything except his hands. Now, they’re pretty clean, but normally they are tinged black around his nails, some of the oil left behind from working in the garage. I wonder if he misses it. His job. His home. Hislife.
I shake those thoughts away just as Green says, “I’m going to kiss you, Leah. You good withthat.”
Sweat beads on my forehead, and my body trembles. My heart is taking off like a jet while fear snakes down my spine. Kiss me? Why does he even want to touch me? Doesn’t he see the dirt and filth surroundingme?
He doesn’t give me time to process because his lips are on mine. Terror grasps me and my lips won’t move. This doesn’t stop Green though. Through gentle touches of his lips to mine, he continues kissing me. My bodyheats.
Hesitantly, I lift my hand caressing his cheek, my lips slowly giving in to the pleasure instead of the fear. Somehow, Green’s touch has made it slipaway.
He groans, pulling me closer to his body, his heat burning me beautifully. Something blossoms in my chest as we continue to kiss, never touching or going anyfurther.
When he pulls away, I’m breathless, and his eyes are demanding andintense.
With a shaky breath, “I need to take a shower,” I say, needing theescape.
His smirk is gorgeous. “Yeah.” He steps back slightly. “Leah, had my taste again after a long drought, I’m gonna want it again.” He sees me tremble. “You’re beautiful. Every damn thing about you, and I’m going to make sure you rememberit.”
My chest constricts as I rush into the bathroom, shutting the door and sliding down it. I want to believe him, but it’s just not coming. Thumping my head back, I close my eyes and wish that things were different. That no one had touched me and soiled me. Why does life have to be sorough?
