Page 46 of Bound by Affliction
18
Leah
This ride isn’tas calm as the others I’ve had with Green. No, this one is full of tension that rolls off of both Green and I. So much so, how we stay balanced on the bike is beyond me. It has to be his sheer strength that’s keeping usafloat.
Someone came into my place and left nothing except a few pictures that fell out of frames when they were smashed to the ground and a few random pieces of clothing. There was hardly anything for me to pack. My toothbrush sat on the counter in the bathroom, but no way was I trustingthat.
Everything we had will have to be rebought. But it’s just stuff. Stuff can be replaced. Green or I—cannot. Paint can cover the words on the walls, but it doesn’t mean I don’t remember what wassaid.
After Green mentioned the Red Devils, I was ready to get on the back of his bike and just go. Actually, before I got home I decided on my long walk that I wanted to go with him. This incident just solidifiedit.
Green is smart, so I had to take a taxi to the other side of the city and do some shopping there, knowing he’d check every place around Anne’s office. I was terrified, but with each step, I felt myself loosening up to the fear. It was an independence that I forgotabout.
During that time, I thought a lot about him and me and my life and his life. I thought about the wrongs that happened to me and the fact that I can’t keep wallowing in this sea of shit and think that it will goaway.
It’s not going away. It’s part of who I am, but it does not define me or who I am as a person. It only gets to keep control of my life, if I allow it to. It only can pull me in, if I allow it to. It can only feed more fear and pain, if I allow it to. It can only breed and fester inside of my soul, if I allow itto.
What I decided on my small trip is that I want to be with Green. I want to start my life again and begin living it. Only one kind of man stands by a woman like me, and Green is it. He is one you keep and never letgo.
I give a squeeze to Green who reaches over and does the same to my thigh. That little gesture reassures me once again that I’ve made the right choice. The right decision to leave everythingbehind.
Even in all the chaos and fear, he is mycalm.
It was going to be my exciting thing to tell him once I got home. Unfortunately, some asshole, or assholes, had other things in mind with my place. I won’t lie and say I’m not afraid because I am. I’m afraid of them getting me. I’m afraid of them hurting me. I’m afraid of being anywhere nearthem.
The biggest one—I’m afraid of Green getting hurt. I’ve lived through it once, but to have Green go through it—no. That can’t happen. I really hoped my involvement with the Red Devils was done after what those three did to me. I thought I’d suffered enough, and Green told me it was all taken care of. Guess it wasn’t. Not that I’m mad at him for that; it just puts another layer of shit on me that I’ve wanted to scrapeoff.
Green had just gotten off the phone with Cruz when my parents showed up just as we wereleaving.
“Oh, baby!” my mother cries out, running up to me and wrapping her arms around my body tight, my dad fast on herheels.
“What’s going on here?” my father asks Green and notme.
Green moves to my side as my mother pulls back from me. “Told ya on the phone, now I gotta get Leah outtahere.”
“Where were you?” my motherasks.
“I’m fine. I just needed some time alone. I had no idea this was going on or I would’ve never lefthim.”
A warm arm comes around my body. It’s comforting, but it feels more like protection thananything.
“I’m takin’ her to Sumner withme.”
My mother looks stricken, while my father nods to Green. “Daddy, are you good withthis?”
“Sweetheart, any man who sticks by my daughter day in and day out has myvote.”
To this, I smile and run into his arms and hug him tightly. “I’ll comeback.”
“I have no doubt you’ll be back to visit.” My father looks relieved, while my mother has tears in her eyes. They love me and I know none of this has been easy for them, but they are with me a hundredpercent.
“Loveyou.”
“Love you too, Dad.” I hug him once again and do the same thing with mymother.
Then Green puts me on the back of his bike, and we’reoff.
Each yellow line that passes on the pavement, I feel a small bit of tension leave me. It’s like I’m made of fall leaves and with each marker that whizzes by, one of those leaves tumbles away leaving me a bit lighter. It’s taking the tension out of my shoulders, but my chest is stillheavy.
