Page 41 of Bound by Affliction
Anne smiles. “What part of it would you be upsetabout?”
“Himleaving?”
“Yes.”
I shuffle myself in the chair, my nerves kicking up a notch. “I don’t know what youmean.”
Her face changes. “Remember what we talked about the first day you were here. You do not lie to me, Leah. If we want this work there are nolies.”
Guilt washes over me. “Right. I’ll be upset because I’ll miss him. I’ll be cold at night without him, and when I wake up alone I know I’ll search my apartment for him only to be let down. Does this mean I won’t survive, no. But I’ll miss him likecrazy.”
“What does that say about your feelings forhim?”
I lift my hand to my hair about ready to twirl it, when I realize it’s pulled back in a low ponytail. It’s the only way that I can hide the bald patches and look a littlenormal.
“I like him alot.”
She says nothing, and the air starts tochill.
“I do. I care about him, and I don’t want to see him leave. I want him to stay withme.”
“But it’s not okay for you to go withhim.”
I shake my head. “He has a life there. A job. Family.” I toss my arms out to my sides. “I’m a mess and have no idea where I’d fit intothat.”
“Have you askedhim?”
“No.”
“How do you know if you don’task?”
I get up from the chair and move to the window. The sunlight does nothing to brighten my mood. “Because I love him. And I’m afraid that he doesn’t feel the same, and he’ll take me there and I won’t have a place. I’ll be left to figure my life out in a strange place I don’tknow.”
“This is your fear talking, Leah. The only way to know is to talk to him. Find out his intentions. Know where he’s comingfrom.”
“What if you’re right and he is a crutch? What if I’m wrong about that, and I fall on my face in his absence? What then? What does that say about me?” The world below me moves with people and cars going this way and that. None of them knowing the inner war my brain is fighting, trying to get some semblance ofnormal.
“Now you’re backtracking,Leah.”
I turn, “You don’t think I know that!” I snap at her and instantly feel bad for it. She’s done nothing to warrant that. “Sorry,” I mumble, turning my attention back out to thecity.
“No need to apologize, Leah. Let’s break this down. You loveGreen.”
She pauses, waiting for me. “Yes,” comes out in awhisper.
“And you’re afraid he doesn’t feel the same,” shecoaxes.
Moving away from the window, I take my seat again. “Ofcourse.”
Green hasn’t left me for a moment except when my parents come over, and it’s a very short time that he’s gone. It’s normally to get things at the store. He’s been there every step of the way. Maybe I just need some space away from him and away from Anne to really think about what I want. To come to terms with the fact that I’m no longer the woman I was before the incident. The fact that my body is changed and there is no going back from that. I’m sure there’s some fancy doctor somewhere who could help with that, but no way am I going into surgery unless it’s absolutely necessary. I know what that shit feels like, the blade goingin…
“What did you want out of life before the incident?” she asks as I think back to what I really did want at the time. Love. Companionship. It’s why I joined that stupid dating website and brought those assholes into our lives. Even if Bristyl says it’s not my fault—it is. I’ll live with thatforever.
“Then I thought love was a fairy tale. There would bethe one,and he’d be everything I ever wanted. We’d get married, have children and a dog. We’d live a simplelife.”
“And when you look at your life now, what do yousee?”
Tears threaten to fall, but I push them back. I’ve been learning how to control my emotions more lately, and I like it. I like the control since it was taken away fromme.
