Page 28 of Bound by Vengeance
He stretches his arm out over the top of the couch, close to me, but not touching. “Someone’s gotta guard that hot body.” He winks, and part of me melts. Damn him.
“What about taking rotations? I know my father isn’t going to let this go, and I’m resigned to that. But what if Nox, Jacks, or Green comes over for a while? That’ll give you a break.”
Something pulsates off Ryker. It’s so powerful it pulls me. His face is controlled, but his eyes are working and doing it hard.
“No one stays here but me.” The words are dangerous in a way I haven’t heard from Ryker in all my years of knowing him.
So much so my lips stay shut on that topic for the rest of the night.
Eventually, Ryker moves to lay down, stretching his long body across the couch.
“What are you doing?” I ask stupidly, like I can’t see what he’s doing nor feel his legs behind my back.
“Come here.” He holds out his arms, and everything freezes in time. What’s going on here? “Just rest your head on my chest. My legs are killin’ me, and I need to put them up.”
“Do you have problems with your legs?”
“Nope.” His arms are still out, waiting for me. I let out a long yawn, and he chuckles. “Lie down.”
I shouldn’t, but my body isn’t catching up with my brain.
As I lay my cheek on his chest, I feel how hard and muscled it is. Not knowing where to put my hand, I rest it next to my head. It sucks not having much experience in this department. One would think I could hack it, yet my nerves are fluttering in my stomach.
He places his hand on my back, moving it in slow circles. Slowly, my body softens and my eyes drift closed. This is the most comforting and relaxed I’ve ever felt with a man. God help me.
“LET me know when you want to go,” Ryker says, leaving me outside with Emery, my mother, and Angel, who is Emery’s mother, as he strides toward the clubhouse.
I won’t lie. I didn’t want to come. Didn’t want to be at a big party where everyone would be.
I keep reminding myself that it isn’t because I don’t want to see Ryker with one of the club mommas. It has nothing to do with that. He has every right to do anything he wanted. So what if I fell asleep with my head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart and breathing in his tobacco? That doesn’t matter. He’s a free man, able to do whatever he wants. Just like he’s always been. Just like he needs to be.
Having him around all the time is screwing with me. My focus is totally jacked up. JK is my priority, and if Ryker ever found out what happened to me, he wouldn’t want to be with me, anyway. I need to keep that in perspective, always in my head and never forget it.
“Right.” Taking a seat next to my mother, she smiles brightly at me as Ryker enters the clubhouse while I do my best not to stare at his ass.
“Watchin’ him awfully hard, Austyn. What’s goin’ on?” My mother isn’t accusatory by any means, but she is curious.
At her words, I avert my attentions, pissed at myself for getting caught. Friends, right? Friends watch friends go into buildings. There’s nothing creepy with that.
“Not a damn thing.”
She turns fully toward me as Angel coughs in her hand. “I call bullshit.”
“That’s become your favorite word lately.” It has. Every time I turn around, she’s calling bullshit on me. Too bad most of the time it’s true. She knows too much, always has.
“I call it like I see it.” My mother flips her hair back over her shoulder then clasps her hands together, giving off a relaxed vibe, yet you know she’s going to zing you with something. “Ryker’s living with you. You’ve always had a thing for him. He obviously has one for you, so …”
Closing my eyes, the intake of breath does nothing for my calmness. She doesn’t know what JK did to me. How he held me down and ripped my virginity away from me, then had his buddies take their turns. She doesn’t know how that spoiled and soiled me from the inside out. She doesn’t know I had to get rid of the baby that came from that. All she knows is what happened when JK got me the second time and the pain that was inflicted on me.
I can’t tell her that I’m tainted and no man will ever want to touch me. That I’m dirty and gross, and there’s nothing that can be done about it. It’s like a festering thorn deep under my skin, digging itself deeper and deeper with each moment that passes, cutting me.
I can tell my mother none of this. Therefore, she’ll never really know why. No one can know. If it’s talked about, then I fear that it’ll never go away. Everyone will remember it every second of the day, and I’ll never be able to get past or escape it.
Truthfully, I don’t know how to get past any of this, except to find JK and make him pay.
“Yeah, he’s staying, but that’s it.”
When my mother’s keen gaze hits me hard, I avert my eyes, not wanting her to see inside me.
