Page 12 of Bound by Vengeance
“Well, at least you have some sense.”
I let out a huff. “If you’d have been around the last four years, you never would’ve bought the hitchhike thing in the first place. I needed to do something, and it couldn’t be in Sumner. Emery told me a while back where you were living, so I planned that something here so I could crash with you for a couple days.”
A vein throbs in his throat, and his breathing is deep, telling me he’s pissed. “What something? And don’t fucking blow rainbows up my ass, woman.”
I’m unable to hide the small smirk that comes to my lips. No matter the situation, I’ve learned to take the small joys, and Deke just gave me one.
“We’ve missed you.”
“Austyn …” he warns.
No one knows this. Not a single soul on the planet, yet here I am, just going to tell Deke after he hasn’t been around for four years. When in the depths of Hell, one can hope for a lifeline. Deke might just be mine. Something tells me, though, that I can trust him. That I have to trust him.
I clear my throat, fighting back all the emotions and confusion inside me. “Let’s just say, yesterday, when I came to town, I was pregnant. Today, I’m not.”
“What?” His voice dips and shock comes to his eyes.
My head whips toward him, tears and anger burning in my eyes. The pain of not having my child inside me squeezes my heart to the point of pain. Instead of letting it show, though, I let the anger win. Anger is a much better emotion. It doesn’t show weakness, at least not all the time. “I’m not talking about it anymore, Deke. You got more than I wanted to give.”
“What about your face?”
My fists clench at remembering that fucker and his smug look when I came out. “You should see him. Fucker outside the clinic said I was a murderer. Said I didn’t deserve to breathe. Said I was a whore. He came at me, and I didn’t think he was actually going to hit me, but he did. I fought back, of course, but he got a couple licks in.” My body vibrates, but I will my hands to relax. It works, somehow.
“So, let me get this straight; you just had a procedure, and you’re out beating the ass of some asshole?”
“Yeah, Deke. That’s why I passed out at your place. They gave me some painkillers, and I took them after I got out of the cab at your place.” I needed them, and they knocked me out, but that was the whole point of taking them and finding Deke. He was my safe place to crash and work through the aftermath.
“Fuck, Austyn. Why didn’t you tell me this yesterday instead of fuckin’ lyin’?”
“No one knows I was pregnant. I mean, no one except now you. You think I want anyone in our family to find out what I did? They’ll be pissed. But I couldn’t keep it.” My breaths come out short, and tears prick the back of my eyes. It takes everything in me not to let them fall. Not because I’m ashamed, but because I miss my baby.
“Who’s the father?”
“That, I’m not discussing.”
My stomach twists as I allow my mind to go back there.
He stood by my side through coming home and dealing with the family, who still don’t know I was pregnant. All because Deke kept my secret.
Deke drives as I turn toward him, needing to get this over with so we can move on. I don’t want this between us anymore.
“I’m sorry,” I start, and he looks over at me briefly then back to the windshield. He has one hand on the top of the steering wheel, doing that cool man move. It works on him. Hell, everything works on him. He’s the badass cousin. “I shouldn’t have shut you out, but at the time, it was the only way I could deal. I already didn’t have my baby and was dealing with that. After what happened, I had to block everything else out. It wasn’t you, Deke. It was everyone … Everything.”
“Not Emery. You didn’t block her,” the man of few, yet always important, words says.
I shake my head. “No, not Emery.” I needed her, even it if was to cry on her shoulder. She spent many nights with me curled up in bed. Most of the time, I didn’t sleep, only stared at the walls, hollow. Scrubbing myself in the shower never made the dirt go away because it was on the inside. It’s still there, festering. The dirt he laid upon me feeds my beast inside, ready to exact retribution.
“She know about the baby?”
I jump out of my thoughts, feeling this strange twinge in my chest. I haven’t talked about the baby with anyone but Deke, and that was a while ago. Talking about it now feels foreign and scary.
“No. No one knows, Deke. Unless you told someone …” I trail off. He’s giving me the look of death, like how dare I even think he’d break my confidence. Knowing him now, it’s true. I really didn’t believe for a second he would. He’s not that kind of man.
He pulls the truck off to the side of the road and throws it in park. “You know how much shit I got from the brothers for not sayin’ anything. How I kept that from them because you asked me not to tell. Rylie doesn’t know. Not a fuckin’ soul, Austyn.”
I exhale a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Him keeping something from his brothers and his woman is a huge deal. It speaks of courage, honor, and loyalty. Deke has that in spades, making me like him even more.
“Thank you.”
