Page 43 of Bound by Vengeance
Sadness and emptiness creeps inside, knowing he did make it go away. While I was there, in the moment, I didn’t feel used, battered, or dirty. He made me feel loved and accepted, like I was beautiful. I let him in and I shouldn’t have. Letting him in will only lead to heartbreak.
I can’t be what he wants me to be. There’s no way. If he ever found out, he wouldn’t want me, anyway. He’d know for sure I was damaged and broken.
“Austyn.” My name being called tears me out of my thoughts.
I turn around to find Deke standing there with a grim expression on his face.
“Come with me.”
Not hesitating, I follow him to the church room.
He looks down at me before opening the door. “You’re stronger than you feel,” he says strangely then opens the door.
My steps falter. This space is off-limits, has been forever.
“Come in, Austyn,” my father calls, and only then do I step into the room.
It has a musty smell to it, like men almost, but there’s something else. Pictures line one of the walls, and part of me itches to go look at them. The large wooden table stretches out the length of the room with chairs all around it.
My father holds out the chair next to him. “Have a seat.”
I nervously make my way to him. As I sit, Ryker stares at me and Deke stares off into space, looking like he’d love to be anywhere but here.
“Deke,” my father says.
By his twisted face, it looks as though Deke’s been thrown under the bus.
“Fuck.” His focus comes to me, but it’s soft and caring. This scares me. This entire thing scares me. My body even trembles.
“What’s going on?” I ask with a tremor in my voice, hating it’s there, but not being able to control it.
Then the world falls out below my feet, and I fall into a dark hole I can’t escape. It’s as if I’m Alice, floating toward another world, one where nothing can hurt me and nothing can touch me. Except, it’s not. This is reality, and it’s horrible.
“They need to know the reason you came to me, Austyn,” Deke says.
Time stops. My stomach hits the floor just as the emptiness and void that’s inside punches me in the gut. I find myself shaking my head repeatedly, not wanting this to be real, hoping the motion will make it all go away.
Deke lowers his voice. “They want me to tell them the why, but it’s yours to tell. I don’t want to be in this spot, Austyn, but if you don’t tell them, they’re going to force their hand so I don’t have a choice.”
I rise from the chair and find my thumb inside my mouth, chewing on the corners of my nail. My feet find themselves moving back and forth behind my father as everything twists and pulls in my head. I can’t tell them. I can’t. Just can’t.
“No.”
“Austyn,” Deke calls out, and I stop. “You either tell them, or I have to. I don’t want to be the one to do it.” His eyes plead with me, telling me he doesn’t want to be the one to spread my stuff. I hate this, but I’ve already asked so much of him. I can’t do this to him too. “You’re stronger than you think, Austyn.”
“Right.” I continue my pacing, needing to think on how to approach this and coming up with the conclusion that there is no other way but to rip off the Band-Aid. Deke’s had enough pain in his life. I can’t add to it, but this pisses me off.
I focus on my father. “Why do you need to know? Why is it your business? If I wanted you to know, I’d tell you. But I haven’t, so doesn’t that tell you that I want to keep this to myself?”
He rises, coming toward me. “It’s eating you up inside. I’ve told you before that I’m concerned. Deke knows something, and we need to know so we can help you. It’s time.”
I huff. “Yeah, it’s time to tell something I don’t want to, and I have to or else Deke will have to violate my trust. This is some fucked-up shit, Dad.”
My back is against the wall. I’m out of options.
One look at Ryker and I want to fall into his arms and make it all disappear, but I can’t do that, either. I’m pretty sure he started this because of how I was last night, which makes a headache rise.
“Fine, but sit down.”
