Page 46 of Bound by Desire
ChapterThirteen
Loud bangingon the door wakes me from a not so comfortable sleep. The couch in Austyn’s place is lumpy as all hell. I need my own place, like yesterday. The plan is to look later today. I left pretty much everything up in Grayson that didn’t mean anything to me. The ratty couch, chair, table—all of it. It was all hand me downs because I really didn’t give a shit. None of it was worth hauling down here. Mostly, I grabbed my clothes and a few otherthings.
My landlord was cool about me taking off, saying to leave what I didn’t want and whoever rented it next would probablyuseit.
I still don’t know if this is the right decision, but I’ve made my bed now, so to speak, and it’s time to lay in it. If I can keep my profile down, fight when I feel the build, and otherwise keep to myself, maybe my return won’t make waves. My mother is too sick for me to break her heartagain.
I wonder sometimes, if they knew the truth, how things would be. Would my mother understand I never intended to hurt her? I left to save her the heartache of seeing another child lost. I wouldn’t put my Ravage family through the devastation. The risk was too great, and I wouldn’t betheone.
When the time comes, and she gets better, she fights this, I will face it then. For now, I have to give her hope. Consequences be damned, I’ll fightbesideher.
Grabbing my gun, I make my way to the door and look through the peephole. Cooper stands on the other side of it, hands at his sides, his focus on the door. Fuck. Nothing says family love like an early morning wakeupcall.
Unlocking the door, I slide it open, revealing my cousin. His expression is neutral, not up nor down, but his shades hidehiseyes.
Cooper Cruz has seen more than his fair share of a shit hand in life, and he’s always been the one to handle it all in stride. He’s the kind of guy it takes a lot to rattle, and even moretoread.
“Austyn’s in bed,” I tell him, turning back to the couch, setting the gun next to me as I sit while wiping the sleep from my eyes. I’d thought about crashing at Rylie’s place—wanted to, actually—but I dropped something on her that I was surprised I did. Not talking about shit has been my thing for four years. Giving her that little bit is still disconcerting, and not in a bad way, which is confusing the fuck out of me. I needed space to sortmyself.
“Not here to see her.” The door clicks closed as Cooper comes to the recliner and sits down. “You’re my target thismorning.”
Dropping my arms, I say, “Luckyme.”
He rests his elbows on his knees, rubbing his hands back and forth. “Talktome.”
I’m pretty sure I gave up my quota for sharing last night to Rylie. The old feelings want to come to the surface, but I push them down. This shit has got to stop somewhere. I’m just not sure it should be withCooper.
“Austyn’s asleep. Why don’t you go wake her if it’s a chitchat you want?” I tell him instead ofanswering.
“Dammit, Deke. You gotta stop this shit. I know you’re not usin’, and from the sound of it, you stopped four fuckin’ years ago, so answer me. Why the fuck did you stay away from your family if it wasn’t to getclean?”
“I really don’t want to do this.” That word—family—is an acid churning deep inside me and pulsing through myveins.
“Too fuckin’ bad. You need to clear this shit up so we can get on with it. Your mom’s got a fuck of a fight, and we don’t need all this cloudingoverit.”
Motherfucker’s right, but no way in hell he’s getting everything. Not happening.Fuckinghell.
“Man,look—”
“Four fuckin’ years, man. You ditched fuckin’ everyone. Don’t you dare give me some bullshit excuse, Deke. I’m not fuckin’buyin’it.”
This is exactly why I didn’t come back. Coop and the Ravage MC aren’t fucking stupid. But they gave me this play for some reason. Or maybe my father just gave up. That one’s still out for debate. Regardless, the pieces of the puzzle need to stayscattered.
“I needed to stay clean, Coop. I got a good life up there. Job, apartment,money.”
“But not your fuckin’ family,” he cuts in, pissingmeoff.
I stare at him. Tall, muscular, with light brown hair that he pulls up into a bun thing on his head. Beard that hasn’t been trimmed in days. All of it added with his confidence makes him a spitting image of hisfather.
“Family,” I huff. “I don’t think this is a conversation we needtohave.”
“Deke, we’re yourfamily.”
That word again. It calls to the demons, drawingthemout.
My blood pumps a little faster, my ears hear a little clearer, my senses coming alive as my body readies. I fight the ragebuilding.
They don’t know me. They think they do, but no one does. Everything is family to them, yet they can’t see what’s right in front of their eyes when it comes to me. I left forfamily.
