Page 25 of Bound by Desire
It was a shit move, but it’s one that I have deal with. Probably for the rest of my damn life. Funny how all I ever wanted to do was grow up so I could join. Now I wish I could do it all over again. However, life doesn’t workthatway.
“No, you don’t. Just stay, and we’ll work all this out. We can’t do that if you’re not here,” she triesagain.
I lean in and kiss her cheek, inhaling the smell of sunshine she always reminds me of. “Yeah, I do.Takecare.”
I move away as I hear her continue to cry. My instinct is to go up to her and hug her, but it’s better this way. I’m not the person she needs to have for a child. I’m not evenclose.
That drive away from Sumner was both hard and liberating at the same time. With each mile in my ratty old car, the more freedom I felt, and the more the anger bubbled to the surface. The anger won over, something I’ve lived with for four years—hell, longer, if I really thinkaboutit.
None of that matters, though. Nothing matters when it comes to the Ravage MC. They are them, and I am me.Theend.
Fuck them for wanting me to be something I’m not. Fuck them for being my family in the first place. Just fuckitall.
I feel the burn deep in my belly. The churning, the fire, the need. I fight to push the demons down. The urge will always be there in the recesses of your mind; that’s what rehabtaughtme.
As buildings come into view, a gnawing takes hold of my gut. Familiar places of where I grew up pass by in a blur, and before I know it, I’m stopped in front of thelargegate.
The guy at the top stares down at us. Austyn rolls down her window and yells up at him. Then the gate slowly opens, and my past and presentcollide.
Everything looks pretty much the same as the last time I was here. But I know so much is different because I amdifferent.
People still park their cars in the same spots and bikes on the other. Not one damn thing has changed. I can’t say the same formyself.
“You gonna come in?” Austyn has this hopeful gleam in her eyes, almost like she wants me to protect her from what’s about to come. I’m not the guyforthat.
“No. Don’t come back toGrayson.”
I watch as her face falls and wetness forms in her eyes that she quickly masks. Her hand trembles, and I’m positive she has no idea she’sdoingit.
“Please. I know I’ve asked a lot from you, but you’re here. What kind of man does it make you to not even say hi to your own mother? You know she’s here. The moment she heard your name, sherushedhere.”
My damn black heart squeezes, causing an ache in my chest. “Niceguilttrip.”
Austyn smiles. “Whatever works. Besides, I need someone onmyside.”
“What makes you think I’m onyours?”
Austyn really doesn’t know how lucky she has it to have a group of people at her back that would take a hit for her at any time. Those men would lay down their life for her, including the women. She has solid support, yet she’s not using it. I can’t help wondering why. Why is she not allowing herself to leanonthem?
“Deke, just … justplease.”
She’s a fuckinglittleshit.
I reluctantly open my door and hear her do the same. I inhale, noting every scent that reminds me of this place. Rubber from the tires in Banner Automotive, oil, trees, leather—it’s all in the air. Many of the same smells I have back in Grayson, just without the bullshit of trying to live up to somethingI’mnot.
“Deke,” I hear gasped and turn in the directionofit.
Mymom.
Tears fall down her face, just like the ones she shed when I left, and according to Emery, ones she spills all the time when I’m brought up. She’s still as beautiful as she was four years ago. Long blonde hair that falls past her shoulders and eyes that twinkle in thelight.
She starts a full-out run, and I halt, bracing myself for the impact I know iscoming.
She collides with me, wrapping her arms around my neck. With her being a bit shorter than me, she must’ve leapt to get thatleverage.
Sucking in deep, my mother shaking in my arms, the smell of sunshine fills me. She sobs as I hold her tight, feeling all the weight she’s carrying around. My eyes don’t close, though, because my father stands only feet away, arms crossed, glaring eyes trainedonme.
“Austyn Kristina!” Aunt Princess screams as she marches up to us. She hasn’t changed a single bit. Still full of fire as her attention directs on her daughter. “Who did this to you?” she barks, holding Austyn by the arms and inspectingherface.
