Page 40 of Bound by Desire
“Besides my mom bein’ sick?Nothin’.”
“I don’t want shit around her, Deke. I swear to fuck, you bring that around your mom, I’llendyou.”
His words hit me deep, sending me back to a time when I wasn’t what he needed me to be. What he thought I should be. How I disappointed him and everyone around me. Not only do they cut, they burn. So much so my heartrate picks up. Still, I keep my shittogether.
When I was a boy, this man was all I aspired to be. Loyal, trustworthy, treated my mom like fucking gold. Then, one day it all twisted. I can’t remember the exact moment because it was a series of them. He’d be pissed if anyone judged him, but he judged me before I even had a chance. Coop was years older than me, so of course he had his shit together before me. But comparing me to him, my actions, letting everyone in the clubhouse know, that disappointment made me lose respect for him. I’m pretty sure it’ll nevercomeback.
Where was his loyalty to me? Where was the love for me? Where was the ride on for me? With my dad, it was non-existent, or maybe I just didn’t see itclearly.
I meet his stare head-on, not flinching, not cowering, not taking his shit. “Haven’t touched that shit in four fuckin’ years,Dad. Don’t believe me. I don’t give a fuck. I’m here for her,notyou.”
He moves closer into my space. “Fuckin’ talk to me like that again, I’ll pound you into theground.”
“Tryit.”
His eyesflare.
My mother comes between us, pushing her body in the small space. “Stop it! Stop it right thisminute!”
I step back, only to allow her room. Eyes are on us everywhere, and I feel the air in the roomchange.
“This is enough!” she yells, and it comes out as a cry. “I love you, but you need to stop rightnow,GT.”
“Angel—”
“No!” she barks, catching my father’s undivided attention. “Deke and I are going out to the courtyard. Don’t come out. I want to talk tomyson.”
“I thinkweshould talk to him,” my father counters, obviously not ready togiveup.
“No,wearen’t. You won’t keep yourself in check, GT, and I need to actually talk to Deke. No yelling, no jabs, no fighting—talk to him. Once you can figure out how to do that, thenwewill talk to him. Right now,I’mgoingto.”
My fatherpushes. “I—”
“If you come out there, GT, you’ll be sleepin’ on the couch.” Fire roars in mymother’seyes.
“No way in hell,woman.”
She steps closer. “Try me.” It comes out in a growl, and I gotta say, I’m proud of my mom. She’s been a fighter my whole life. Even before that, if the stories are all correct. That’s how I know she’ll beat this shit. She won’t let it getherdown.
My mother grabs my hand and pulls me out of the clubhouse and into the grassy area. She goes to a picnic table off to the side with no onearound.
“Sit,” she orders, and I do as she says because she’s on a roll and because I want answers as well asshedoes.
She sits in front of me, a slow smile coming to her beautiful face. Damn, I’ve missed that smile. Having it directed at me and feeling it is like a kick in the gut. Sunshine. She smelled it, radiated it, is it, and I’ve missedyears.Damn.
“I’m so damn happy you’re here. Talktome.”
No way am I going to lie and tell her I’m happy to be here. I’d rather have my nails pulled out by theroots.
She reaches out, and I take her hands in mine. They’re a bit cold to the touch, so I give them athumbrub.
“They say I’m sick. Don’t look it, don’t feel it, but it’s there. We’re hopin’ it hasn’t spread, because that’s the best-case scenariorightnow.”
The words hit me like leadbullets.
“You know for sure it’scancer?”
“Yeah, Deke. That’s what I’m gettingtreatedfor.”
