Page 51 of Bound by Family
I can’t stay here. My father and brothers have lost their ever-loving minds if they honestly think I’ll do either of those two options. Especially when I have serious feelings for Cooper. Now, I’m not naive. This is new, but if I don’t follow my heart, then what good is having one? Danger or not, I’m not going to give my entire life up just to do what they want. What about what I want? I have a brain, in case they forgot.
My mother pops into my head.
“Regg, what are you doing?” my mother calls out from the kitchen where she’s just finished with an apple pie that I’m dying to eat. It smells so good and fills the house to the point I’m sure the neighbors’ stomachs growled outside.
“Not now, Betty.”
“Oh no, no, no. You can toss your brass balls around at the club. I gotta take your shit. You come in this home—our home—you respect me as much as I respect you. Now, I asked you a question, Regg. My tolerance for repeating myself to you is as minimal as it is to our kids. What’re you doing?”
She was an iron hand, hard and unrelenting when it came to my father. She was the dutiful ol’ lady at the club, but at home, she was his equal. When she asked him a question like that day, she expected an answer. He was simply stopping in to pick up a handgun for Wolf. Only, Mom didn’t know the gun was at the house and it wasn’t ours. Dad was trying to avoid explaining, knowing Mom supported the club but didn’t want the club stuff in her house with us kids being so little.
She would have fought about this with my father. She would have been his voice of reason. But ever since her passing, he’s been losing a small bit of himself piece by piece. I just didn’t think he would ever go this far with me. I’ve always been important to him. Well, I thought I was.
I have to leave. If after talking to Cooper, we don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go up there after all, then I’ll find somewhere else. My ties here are to my family and Leah. I can talk to Leah wherever I am, and my family doesn’t seem to want me around the way I am. If I’m far away from here, then I will be far from danger. Maybe I can carve out my own happy somewhere else. It’s better than these options, that’s for sure.
Getting up from the bed, I grab my suitcases from the closet and begin packing as pain fills my heart. No matter what happens with Cooper, tomorrow will be the last day I’m in this house.
* * *
The pitof my stomach feels hollow as I drive to work with pretty much everything I own packed tightly in my car. Pictures, the memories of my mom and family, those are what came with me. No furniture. I’ll figure it out. Even if I need to find a thrift store to get an old couch for a while to sleep on, it’s better than giving in to my family’s demands.
I have no doubt they think I’ll cave, considering I have no one but them. No extended family, and Leah is my only friend. She still lives with her parents, so there’s no way I have an option there. Her parents don’t like the fact my family is tied to a “gang,” as they call it.
My father probably thinks this is my only option. Little does he know I will give up everything just so I don’t have to concede. That’s not how I see my life—trapped in a relationship where the feelings aren’t mutual.
I watched my parents. My father adored my mother and treated her like gold. I want that, someone who loves me for me. Not someone who wants me on his arm for decoration.
Why this sudden turn? Is the danger really that bad that it would force my father’s hand like this? I don’t know, but I hate that it’s coming down to these options. The thought of never talking to the only family I have cuts like a serrated knife down my heart and spine. I don’t get why he would even put me in this position. Surely, if I move up north, they’ll still talk to me, right? I may not be in the club and be “out” as they call it, but I’m still their sister and daughter. That will never change.
The drive to work is short before I’m pulling into the gates. It will be the last time I enter them. The last time I’m waved in openly with no questions asked. At least, that’s the way it sounded from my father and brother.Out.
Tears sting my eyes, but I push them down. There will be time to cry later, not now. They will not see me upset. My head will be high as I finish everything to the point I can, gather all the numbers needed, and put everything in place for my replacement, whoever that may be. The plan is to go about my day, and at the end, I will go find my family and tell them goodbye. My heart can’t take just leaving without saying goodbye.
I didn’t get to tell my mom that. No, only her coffin. Therefore, if I can say it personally, I will. If they want to have a relationship with me after all of this, of course I’ll welcome it. However, my gut is telling me it will be the end.
Not many are around. When I enter my office, a solace fills me. My mother sat in the chair that I took over after her death. The job was tossed in my lap. Needing something to occupy my time, I snatched it up and ran with it.
Walking over to the wall, a picture of my father, mother, brothers, and myself stares back at me. It was one of my mother’s favorites. My father has his arm slung over her shoulder, and us kids are standing in front of them, no taller than her chin. Pulling my phone out, I snap a picture of it then move to the desk.
It hits me that this phone isn’t mine. It’s actually my father’s. Regardless, I’m not giving it back to him right away. I don’t have time to go and get another one. I’ll worry about that once I get myself settled.
The day goes by in a blur as I get everything in order, even making lists of where to find certain things, like part numbers for the washers or the phone number to the dumpster company. The desk is bare after I remove my three pictures—one of me and my father, one of me and my mother, and one of me and my brothers—and round chap stick. Everything else is Sinister Sons. There’s nothing left for me here.
Cooper texted me earlier, giving me his hotel information and stating he told the receptionist that I’d be coming to get a key. It’s the only happy that I have for today, and it sucks that the thrilled feeling I felt before is diminished because of my family.
Taking one last look at the office, I grab my bag and go look for my brothers.
Hunter is easy enough to find. He has trouble looking me in the eyes, no doubt knowing my options are limited. He’s always had a soft heart, so who knows what this situation is doing to him. But he is the club. He will always side with the club. I need to remember that.
“Give me a hug,” I tell him as I walk up to him, arms extended. He gives it back to me, and I relish in his embrace.
“What’s goin’ on, Bris?” he asks, trying to pull away from me, but I tighten my grasp, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay.
“I love you. Don’t ever think that I don’t.” A dark cloud of sadness surrounds me, soaking me with its rain and clashing me between its thunder.
We’ve always been close, and it tears me up inside that I’m leaving this way and not on better terms. But, that’s life, and I need make one of my own.
This time, he forces me back, gripping my arms and holding me out at arm’s length. “What’s this?”
