Page 34 of Bound by Family
“Paperwork is a huge part of my day and keeping track of all the money, dealing with complaints.” A poof of air comes up as I fall to my bed, phone attached to my ear.
“What’s a funny complaint you get?”
“The funniest was”—I start laughing, unable to hold it back—“a customer called because the washer she put her seven dildos in broke every single one of them.”
He bursts out laughing. “You’re shittin’ me?”
“Nope. She wanted us to replace all of them, saying they were hundreds of dollars. Which hell, they could’ve been, but there’s no way I’m paying to replace a woman’s vibrators because she was too stupid and put them in a washing machine. I mean, come on, they’re electronic for the most part, and you’re soaking them in water! Not only that, hello! The spin cycle. It had to have made a hell of a noise.”
“That would’ve been funnier than shit to see.”
“Oh, I bet. She was bitchin’ and yellin’ up a storm over the phone. Cussing me up and down.”
“What’d ya do?”
“Hung up on her.”
“That’s not very good customer relations.” He doesn’t have to tell me that.
“Nope, it’s not. I called her a few hours later, after she blew up my phone. Then, after I called her, I blocked her number. When we talked, I explained that she needed to look on the packaging of herequipmentand see the proper cleaning instructions. Because, I know damn well it doesn’t say throw them in washing machine on the spin cycle.” I laugh. “She told me she was going to turn us in to the Better Business Bureau. Whoopee. Can you see that complaint on the BBB website?I put my vibrators in one of their washing machines, and it broke them all. The witch on the phone said they weren’t responsible for my stupidity. Then my question is: who is?They can’t do shit about anything, anyway. Only people who want to bitch go on the site. So, whatever.”
“And you know not to throw vibrators in the washing machine?”
“Of course you don’t. It says right on the box.” There I go again, spewing at the mouth. From his laugher, he wanted to out me on my vibrator usage. Damn, I shouldn’t be insecure about it.
“Good to know,” he says, dropping it, but he already got his unspoken answers. “That’s damn funny. I’m not sure I can top that one.”
“That’s only one of them.”
“Hell, how many women use your laundromat for their dildos?” His puzzling tone tells me he is really curious.
“A lot. And condoms plugging up the toilet and adhered to the dryer drum. Caught a couple on camera going at it on one of the folding tables. I was wondering why it looked so wobbly and found out quickly why when I checked out the cameras.”
“Sounds like someone had some fun.”
“I guess. I’m just glad the cleaning service comes in and does their thing. Lord knows what I could catch. Ew …” Fuck, did I just say that? I seriously just said that … to Cooper. Fucking hell. There goes my damn mouth. Anything I say is going to make it worse.I don’t have any diseases. I mean, I haven’t touched any pussy juice.I mean, come on. Lose. Lose all the way around.
I love hearing his chuckle, though. At least someone in the world finds me funny. Even if it’s over stupid stories.
“Good to know.”
Something’s been on my mind since one of our first texts. It was about his story when we talked about my mother. I kind of feel like a douche asking, but it’s better than doing it over texting.
“Want to tell me what you meant by reminding you to tell me your story later?”
He lets out a long puff of air. “No, not really.”
I immediately feel let down. I opened up to him more than I have anyone in a long time. The fact he won’t open to me sucks.
“But I will,” he finishes, and I let out my own breath. Thank you, God. “My mom is Princess. She’s not my biological mom, though. You can’t tell anyone this. I’m trusting you with something I don’t tell people.”
Wow. That’s a huge gift he’s giving me, and I refuse to take it lightly.
“Mums the word.”
“Alright.” He blows out a gust of air, and it feels like a heavy weight the way he pauses.
My mind instantly goes to protection mode. It’s not something that can be controlled. Whatever he’s going to tell me should be done in person or something other than a phone call like this.
