Page 50 of Blood & Loyalties
Kiera stood. “Yep. Seriously, you need to sleep and work whatever this is out. It’s eating you alive.” Again, she was right, the perceptive little thing.
“I will,” I choked out then rushed out of the office, keeping my head down so I didn’t have to engage anyone in conversation. Otherwise, it would be another hour until I got home.
Pulling up to the house, Scraper opened the car door for me. He had stayed by my side this entire time. All these years with this man by my side was the longest relationship I had ever had.Sigh.
After climbing the stairs to my room, I quickly changed, throwing everything to the floor. I would deal with it later. Then I crawled into my nice, soft—lonely bed—and the cool sheets caressed my skin as I pulled them up, forming a cocoon around my body. I rested my head on my pillow, pulling the blankets up to my eyes, which I tried to close.
All I could see was Jag. All I could hear was his voice calling to me. All I could feel were his hands flitting across my skin. My heart ached as a light sheen formed over my body. Anxiety rose, and parts of my heart slowly broke apart. With each tear, pain shot through me, and I couldn’t take it.
I threw the blankets off in a huff, flailing over them to climb out of bed, and then rushed to my phone. I scrolled through the numbers, looking for Phillip, and then pushed his number.
“Catarina. It’s early in the day for you.” His voice on the other end was way too chipper.
“I need you to work me out.” It was the only way to make it stop. Anytime I was alone, all my problems swirled so fast around my head they suffocated me until I couldn’t breathe. This was my out, my only release.
“Come on down. I have an hour.”
“Thanks,” I snapped, hanging up the phone before darting to the closet to throw on clean yoga pants and a tank top. I had the ones with the shelf bras, so I didn’t have to worry about the girls popping out. I rushed downstairs, dialing Scraper’s number.
“Ms. Catarina. Are you okay?” Scraper met me at the door, staring at me as if he was seeing an alien. I knew I was a mess, but shit, I wasn’t that bad. Was I? I didn’t give him time to stall.
“Fine.” I slammed the door behind me, racing to the car.
The drive was short, but I couldn’t keep my legs from bouncing the entire way. The nervous energy pulsed through me, ready to erupt.
Finding Phillip was easy. He was always in the same place—along the back wall by all the treadmills and shit that would kill me. I would welcome every minute of it.
“Catarina.” He took one look at me and shook his head.
Phillip was a nice looking guy: bald head, tight muscles all throughout his body. His arms big, strong, and firm. He was also nice to a point. When it came to the actual training, he kicked my ass, exactly like I wanted.
“Treadmill, fifteen minutes.”
I hopped on and pumped it up as high as I could go, not even giving myself time to warm up. I needed to run. For some people, running helped them think. For me, it shut down all the voices and information that floated around, causing havoc in my life—giving me a semblance of peace.
I ran and ran until the sweat was pouring down my face and back, falling into the crevice of my ass. I welcomed each drop.
“Stairs,” he barked.
I hopped on the machine that took you nowhere quick, climbing so hard my legs burned. They felt weak, but I pushed through and kept going, my mind solely focused on the task that I was doing at that moment.
Phillip reached over, shutting down the machine, and tilted his head over in the direction of the bag. I loved that thing; punching and kicking my ass off was a wonderful release. I taped up quickly, and then Phillip held one side of the bag. Over the past few months, he had taught me many moves: quick jabs, knee thrusts, foot kicks for important places. I did them all repetitively, not stopping.
I had no idea how long I was in action, but by the time he told me to stop, I was drenched. Every part of my body was covered with sweat. The anxiety from before was at bay for a bit, and I soaked it in.
Phillip left to take care of his next client, and I decided I needed to run some more. I had dinner that night with my family, so that thought spurred the need for further release. It was getting harder to keep everything bottled inside, so I ran.
You can do this.Suck it up and put a smile on your face.I chanted those same words over and over again on the way to my parents’ home. My brothers—Val and D—would all be there, and not one of them would talk about their business. I grated my teeth back and forth. It didn’t matter. I didn’t need to know.
I wished I could shut all my thoughts down and simply escape, but that wasn’t happening. They wanted to celebrate my birthday, something I couldn’t refuse.
“Rina, you’re here!” Mom called cheerfully from the doorway, extending her open arms.
I fell into them, needing her affection more than she realized. I soaked up every second of it before she pulled away.
“The boys are in the living room. Dinner will be ready soon.”
“You want help, Mom?” I asked, already knowing the answer, but I thought it was worth a shot.
