Page 78 of Echoes of Us
"Yes."The admission felt like a relief."I need to."
The sun rose fully, washing the room in golden light that felt too bright, too exposing.But as Ashley sat there, her dress wrinkled and her heart raw, she felt something else beneath the guilt and shame - a clarity she hadn't expected.She couldn't stay and watch Cole become someone else.Couldn't stay and face Marie's heartbreak.Couldn't stay and pretend she hadn't just had everything she wanted, even if only for a moment.
"I'll help you pack," Sarah said finally, and Ashley felt tears slip down her cheeks at the simple acceptance in her friend's voice.
It was time to go home.
CHAPTER30
They packed in silence as the sun rose higher, Sarah helping her throw essentials into a duffel bag.Neither mentioned the dress from last night, which was now crumpled in the corner like evidence of a crime.When Ashley emerged from a quick shower, her face was scrubbed clean, but her eyes were still red.Sarah was waiting by the door, car keys dangling from her finger.
"Take it," she said simply, pressing the keys into Ashley's palm."Just...let me know when you get there."
Some friendships didn't need explanations.Some just understood.
The early morning fog hung low over campus as Ashley threw her duffel bag into the backseat.Her phone sat dark in her pocket.Too many notifications to face right now.She'd email her professors later and make up for some family emergency.Right now, she just needed to drive.Needed the steady hum of wheels against the pavement, needed the distance between her and Yale to grow until she could breathe again.
The sun was barely breaking through the mist when she pulled out of the parking lot.Through her rearview mirror, she watched the physics building disappear, its gothic spires fading like a dream she was finally waking from.Somewhere in those halls, Cole was probably still in the lab.Or maybe he'd gone home too.Or to Marie.
Her hands tightened on the steering wheel.
Three hours later, Ashley found her mother in the garden, kneeling among her roses with gardening gloves that had seen better days.The morning sun caught the silver in her hair - when had that appeared?She looked up as Ashley approached, her smile soft but knowing.
"Tea?"her mother offered, pulling off her gloves.It was their ritual, had been since Ashley was little - serious conversations happened over tea at the kitchen table.
Minutes later, they sat across from each other, steam rising from delicate cups her mother only used for these moments.The kitchen smelled of Earl Grey and fresh soil from her mother's shoes.
"How did you do it?"Ashley asked finally, her fingers tracing the cup's rim."Stay, I mean.After everything that happened."
Her mother's hands stilled around her cup.They didn't talk about this - about the affair, about the choices made.But something in Ashley's voice must have told her this wasn't just idle curiosity.
"Life isn't always what we expect it to be," her mother said carefully."Sometimes...sometimes we have to look at what we have, not what we've lost."
"But he-" Ashley stopped, the words sticking in her throat.
"Hurt me?"Her mother's smile held a wisdom Ashley hadn't noticed before."Yes.Badly.But life isn't just one season, sweetheart.What feels like winter doesn't last forever."
"That sounds like letting him off easy."
"No."Her mother's voice turned firm."It was a choice.My choice.Not because it was easy or right or because of what anyone else would do.But because..."She paused, considering her words."Because I loved the life we'd built.Because I loved him, even when I hated him.And because I wanted you to have your father."
Ashley stared into her tea, watching patterns form in the liquid."Seems like a poor reason."
"Maybe.But it was mine."Her mother reached across the table, her hand covering Ashley's."I'm not saying it's what everyone should do.God knows most of my friends thought I was crazy.But look at us now - we have game nights and family dinners and your father's terrible attempts at new recipes.It's not perfect, but it's ours.And I wouldn't trade it."
"But how did you know?"Ashley's voice cracked slightly."That it would be worth it?"
"I didn't."Her mother's honesty was gentle but absolute."That's the thing about life, sweetheart.We make choices without knowing the ending.We just...hope.And sometimes, that hope pays off."
Tears pricked at Ashley's eyes."And when it doesn't?"
"Oh, honey."Her mother squeezed her hand."What's really going on?"
The dam broke.Tears spilled down Ashley's cheeks as everything tumbled out."I've made such a mess of everything.Every time I try to fix something, it just gets worse.I hurt people I care about, and I made choices that seemed right but weren't, and now..."She wiped uselessly at her face."Now I don't even want to be there anymore.Everything I touch falls apart."
Her mother stood, coming around the table to wrap her arms around Ashley's shoulders.She smelled like roses and afternoon sun and home."Then maybe," she said softly, "it's time to stop trying to fix things and create a fresh start for yourself.Whatever it may mean for you."
Ashley leaned into her mother's embrace, letting herself cry properly for the first time since this whole mess began.For Cole, for Dale, for the future she remembered and the present she'd managed to complicate so thoroughly.
