Page 49 of Echoes of Us
Ashley looked up sharply.
"I mean what you want for yourself," Sarah continued."Because right now?You're looking at Cole like he's supposed to be someone else.Someone specific.And that's not fair to either of you."
The words hit with uncomfortable accuracy.She had been trying to find her Cole in this younger version - searching for glimpses of the man she'd married in a boy who hadn't been shaped by loss yet.
"And Dale..."Sarah's voice softened."He deserves better than being someone's second choice.Or worse - being used to hurt his brother."
"I would never-" But she had, hadn't she?Even unintentionally.
"Graduation's tomorrow at ten," Sarah said, standing."Wear something pretty.Not for either of them - for you."She paused at the door."And Ash?Maybe it's time to stop looking for who Cole might become and start seeing who he is right now."
Left alone, Ashley stared at her reflection in the window.Tomorrow, she'd watch Cole graduate.Would stand in the crowd as his mother hugged him, as Dale stood proud beside him.Would witness a moment she'd only ever heard stories about.
Her phone lit up with a text.Dale.I hope you’re feeling better.I’m always here if you want to talk.
Below was an older message from Cole she hadn't opened:I'm sorry for last night.Left a coffee at your door, thought you might need it.
And then another.I don't know how to be who you want me to be.
Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks.Because that was the problem, wasn't it?She'd been so focused on who Cole would become, who Dale would never get to be, that she'd lost sight of who they were right now.Who she was.
Maybe it was time to stop trying to save anyone else and start with herself.
* * *
Sarah's keychaindangled from her finger, the little metal dolphin throwing prisms across Ashley's palm.Her friend had pressed the keys into her hand an hour later before Ashley could even voice the suffocating need to escape.
"Take the car," Sarah had said, dark circles under her eyes testament to their shared sleepless night."Get out of here for a bit.Clear your head."
Now, standing in the quiet parking lot, Ashley felt the weight of more than just keys in her hand.Sarah's unwavering support, her silent understanding - it anchored her when everything else felt adrift.
The car's worn upholstery welcomed her like an old friend as she slid behind the wheel.Her hands moved without conscious thought, muscle memory guiding her onto familiar roads.It wasn't until she merged onto the I-95 that she admitted to herself where she was heading.
Home.Or what would have been home in another life?
Harvard materialized through the morning haze like a memory taking shape.Red brick buildings rose proudly against the spring sky, their weathered facades holding secrets of countless lives changed within their walls.Students dotted the Yard, sprawled on grass still damp with dew or hurrying to finals with coffee cups clutched like lifelines.
Ashley walked slowly, letting each landmark wash over her.The library steps where she'd once planned to spend long hours studying.The cafe where she might have met Sarah between classes, dissecting life over steaming lattes.All these possible moments, these almost-memories, shimmered like mirages in the morning light.
Her feet carried her off campus, down streets that felt both foreign and achingly familiar.When she looked up, her heart seized.There, across the quiet street, stood the apartment building that should have been - would have been - hers.
Scaffolding obscured the building's facade, and construction workers milled about with equipment and plans.In her timeline, those renovations would have been finished years ago.She and Cole would have picked out curtains for the bay windows, argued over paint colors, and made love on a mattress on the floor before their furniture arrived.
She leaned against Sarah's car, letting the metal warm her palms.Somewhere in this city, another Ashley might be walking these streets right now.A simpler Ashley, one who'd had her heart broken by Charlie, who'd gone to Harvard instead of Yale, who'd never known the taste of Cole Westwood's kisses or the gentle understanding in Dale's eyes.
The sense of loss she'd been holding at bay crashed over her like a wave.Her perfect life with Cole, their home, their baby - God, their baby.Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks, but this time, she let them come.Because maybe that was the problem.She'd been so focused on getting back to that life she'd forgotten how to live this one.
She thought about her mother, about choices and consequences, and the weight of what-ifs.Would her mom go back and choose differently, knowing what she knew now?Or would she still choose this complicated, imperfect love she'd built with Ashley's father?
A construction worker's laugh carried across the street, pulling her from her thoughts.He was showing something on his phone to a colleague, both of them grinning.Such a simple moment, but it struck her - life went on.People laughed, fell in love, made mistakes, grew.Even in this timeline she'd thought was wrong, people were building their own perfect moments.
She'd spent weeks trying to recreate her future, manipulating Cole into becoming the man she remembered, using Dale's kindness like a bandage for her wounded heart.But what if this wasn't about fixing anything?What if it was about building something new entirely?
The thought unnerved her.How had this happened?Why was she given this impossible task?She wasn't sure anymore about who she was meant to save.
Her phone buzzed - a message from Sarah, asking when she was coming back.
Ashley straightened, wiping tears from her cheeks.She had a choice to make.She could keep chasing ghosts, trying to force this reality into the shape of her memories.Or she could do what she'd always taught her patients - accept what she couldn't change and find beauty in what was possible.
