Page 39 of Blue-Eyed Jacks
Nonno had done me a favor by walking away.He’d given me just the alibi I needed to prove Shock wrong about me.I’d do whatever it took to show the world that women meant nothing to me.That the rumors Shock was spreading were baseless.
“So, Faye, is it?How fine is that pussy of yours?Care to show me?”
Chapter 12
Maine, October 21, 2008—Kate
Pregnant.Phrases likeone in a thousandandlimited effectivenessswam in my head.One in particular stood out.“Certain depression and anxiety medications can interfere with your birth control.”Damn Shock all to hell for getting in my head after over a year of work.No sooner than I filed for divorce, the nightmares came back.Along with it, the need to return to medication.
And because of that, and finally feeling safe with Jackson, I was in this situation.
Even scared out of my mind, alone, and waiting for Crystal to come back to pick me up, I had one hand over my lower stomach as if to protect the potential human in there from what was to come.
It.Him?Her?I wouldn’t know for a while.Would they look like Jackson or me?Was this even real?My breathing was shallow, but slow.Paced in such a way that the panic was a low ebb of waves like a gentle shoreline.My freakout was filed away as happening, yet I answered questions, knowing underneath it all I wasn’t there.I was shut away, maundering in that limbo between reality and terror.Crystal pulled up in her truck.
Where would she put thecar seat?
“You okay?”She helped me in, instinctively knowing there was something wrong with me.
“You’re right.”
She waited for me to say more.To confirm a fear no woman isolated and near penniless wanted to have.I could barely take care of myself; how would this work?
“Should I be sorry about that?”The words were harsh, almost accusing.
They shocked me out of the panic and fear into anger.“No.It’s my own damn fault.”
She nodded sharply.“Technically, both of your damn faults.”
I glared at her.
“It takes at least two, you know.Are you going to tell him?”
I couldn’t.Even if it was the right thing to do, he’d explicitly warned me to never contact him again.“I’m not supposed to contact him.”
“Bullshit.He’ll want to know.”
“You know this how?”
She shifted the truck into gear and began the slow trip back to the island.Just before the bridge, she admitted one of her secrets.“His father, One-Eyed Jack, was the kind of man who tried very hard not to get any of his girls pregnant.But was one hundred percent vested as soon as possible.Only Jackson survived to be born, though.”
That was… horrific.“His father was—”
“A biker, a pimp, one of the girls’ biggest customers.And, overall not a bad man, despite all the murder and shit.”
I blinked, not believing my ears.“Wait a minute, Jack’s son… Jackson?Oh my fucking God, I don’t even know his real name.Damn it.”He’d made up names so easily.Bill, James… Ugh.
Crystal was kind enough to keep her laughter silent.But her shaking shoulders gave her away.
“What is his real name?”
She sighed.“Honestly?I don’t even know if his mother remembers it.Everyone’s called him Jackson since the day he was born.One look at him,right out of the womb and that damn eyebrow was right there staring everyone in the face.”
I knew exactly what she meant.I’d traced it one night, marveling at the clean angles of it.“Not even a hint?”
“Nist.That’s his last name.Like list with an N.Not many of them around.”
That tidbit got filed away.“Was his father Jack or John?”
