Page 27 of Blue-Eyed Jacks
“Why are you helping me?”
His eyes were too curious, too knowing.They dipped again to where I’d crossed my arms over each other, desperately trying to be strong.“I can sleep on the floor.”
“No.”My protest came out a bit too needy.Shame washed over me.
“Are you sure?”His question held notes of caution and skepticism.
I cleared my throat.“I am.In fact…” Sometimes actions were louder than words.I tore the line of pillows from the barricade he made.“I can do this.”
He picked up a pillow and brushed it off.“You don’thaveto.”
There were no words to describe the gift he’d just handed me.By saying what he said, even if he didn’t understand the importance of it, he gave me autonomy over my body and my choices, and in doing so, he absolved me of all the guilt and what-ifs I’d secretly whispered to myself for over two years.
“I don’t have to; Iwantto.”My pulse sped up.For the first time in too long, I did.I wanted.Which made little sense, but I couldn’t explain it.Jackson should be everything I was afraid of, and by being that person but also being the person who saved me from a lifetime of torture, he became another person to me—one I desired.
He licked his lips.“Want.”His eyes searched my resolve.
I moved the pillows to the edge nearest the door.“My fortress is you.But if you insist on having walls, you are on the inside of them.”That was as bravely and boldly as I could say it without terrifying myself.
“I’m honored.”He dipped his head as if to bow.Then his grin tipped lopsidedly and his eyes raked me from head to toe.“Very honored.”One eyebrow arched to devilish angles.
The urge to fan myself was strong.But I resisted.Instead, I took off the clothes he’d given me.Except for the emerald lace panties he’d handed me in the store.I posed, pushing one leg slightly canted on tiptoe to the right.The stance flashed my inner thigh toward him.Maybe that was wrong of me, but I needed him to see I’d healed.More than healed.I was strong enough to trust him with this very vulnerable piece of me that extended past the physical form.
“Lay down and do that thing with your leg.”His voice rasped with a breathy huskiness that hadn’t been present earlier.“Show me all of it.I want to see you.”His eyes glittered.Whether it was a quirk of refraction or my imagination, but in those pinpricks of light flared red-hot desire.
When I arranged my legs, I opened them wider, baring the darker wetness covering my crotch.His gaze lingered there.Then, carefully and methodically, he removed his clothes.He didn’t drop them to the floor in slouched disarray, but took care to lay each piece over the antique chair in the corner.
As he slid his boxers down, he turned slightly.In profile, he resembled an erotic Eros, youthful in grace but possessing all the masculinity and temptation a man should.I couldn’t take my eyes off him.Then he climbed over my pillow fortress walls.The heat from his skin clung to the air between us.It begged me to drag him close, but it also scared me.Could I do this?Would something go wrong?Would his closeness trigger a panic attack?I’d had a couple, but never pushed myself into intimacy like this before.
“Your safe word is butterfly.”
“I don’t need a safe word.We aren’t, I mean, I’m not ready for any bondage or…” say it, be accurate.I swallowed.“I don’t like S&M.”
He had the nerve to laugh.Then he sobered.“Kate, I’d be sho—surprised if you did.Fuck.Let’s lay it out.Say the fucking name.Shockhas a reputation for being a sadist.I don’t.And not only don’t butwon’tgo there.But, here’s a hard truth, because of him, you need a safe word to tell me when you hit your wall.I can’t know where it is.So, that word isbutterfly.Got it?”
I nodded.
“Say it right now.”
“Butterfly.”
He blew out a soft exhale.“Gorgeous.Inside and out.”Then he lowered his body until we touched.His lips brushed mine.
I kissed him.
His head reared back.
Had I done something wrong?Shock never let me kiss him.I braced for a blow or pain of any sort.
Jackson blinked.“You kissed me.”
“I’m sorry.”It was a mistake.I’d barely dipped a toe into the concept of sex and fucked up already.
“Don’t apologize.Don’t ever apologize to me.Ever.”His hand cupped my jaw, holding me in place, but not bruisingly so.I searched his eyes as he searched mine.“You kissed me.”He said again.
“I did.”Ownit, Kate.
“So beautiful.”He leaned in.His breath warmed my skin as he finished those two words.His tongue touched my lips, and I raised my head to seal our mouths together.
