Page 23 of The Liar I Married
I bypass the library as John enters the family room and ushers Mr. Collins and Ms. Lawson back into the office, no doubt to discuss my state of mind. I’m on the ground floor and gather it’s the only floor not closed and with the furniture draped in dust covers. Many years ago, the ground floor was for the servants. Now many of the staff live in the cottages spread across the expanse of the estate. I make my way to the kitchen and find it empty. My heart pounds as I glide across the floor to the telephone. It’s a landline attached to the wall and has been there since I was a child. Beside it on a small table is a notepad and a jar of pens resting on top. My heart picks up the pace as I lift the receiver. I press the number for directory assistance and excitement rushes through me at the sound of a voice. I give Alex’s name and address. The voice gives me a number and I hurry to write it down. I press in the number, so slowly, terrified of making a mistake. I look all around and listen for footsteps. A familiar voice answers the phone. “Alex? It’s Jessie. I’m alive.”
“Jessie? Oh my goodness, it’s so good to hear your voice. Where are you?”
I tell him and give him a brief explanation of why I’m calling. “I sneaked down to the kitchen to use the phone. They’ve cut me off from everyone, well, apart from my lawyer, and I insisted thathe come. They want me to sign everything over to John. I believe they’re trying to make out I’m losing my mind.”
“I’ve heard nothing about you from anyone since the accident.”He sounds calm and his usual self.“There was a small column in the local newspaper saying that you were in a coma. Another said you were brain-dead and your husband was going to make the heartbreaking decision to turn off your life support. I honestly believed you died, even though I didn’t see any funeral notices in the paper. I asked after you, but Michael refused to talk about the accident, saying it was just too disturbing.”
I listen with interest. “So you knew about the accident? Do you know what happened? I can’t recall a thing, about that night or maybe a few days prior. My life was in a mess. I can remember everything that happened with my father. Over the last twenty-four hours or so everything is coming back to me about that time. I recall going to the office with you to speak to my father and the fallout. After that it becomes a little fuzzy but it’s only been a week.” I take a deep breath. “Can you come and see me and help me sort out my mind? I need to know what happened that night.”
“Everything I know about that night is hearsay. You know Grande Haven lives on gossip.”He clears his throat.“Are you sure you want to know about this?”
Sweat trickles down my back as I scan all around, waiting to be caught. “Yes, I do, but I haven’t got much time. They’ve disabled all the phones in the house apart from this one. I have no communication with anyone. Their excuse is that I need to discover the truth myself.”
“If that’s what the doctors believe is best for you, maybe I shouldn’t get involved?”
I feel my only chance slipping away. “Please, Alex, you’re the only person I can trust.”
“Okay I’ll try but they might not let me in.”I could hear him walking from one room to the other.“I’ll come and see you tomorrow. In the meantime I’ll hunt around and see if I can find out any other information for you. The only thing I know for sure is that you had an argument with John, that went on for some time before you left in the SUV. It was around ten and they didn’t find you until after midnight.”
I hear doors opening along the passageway and panic grips my stomach. “I’ll see you tomorrow. You’ll need the code to get through the gate, so write it down. There’s a keypad on the driver’s side.” I give him the details. “Don’t use the front door. Walk around the house until you find a rose garden. There’s a conservatory at the back of the house with a door to the garden. The conservatory leads to a passageway and to a sunroom and that’s where I am.” A noise in the passageway makes my heart race. “Someone is coming and they can’t know that I’ve used the phone. I must go.”
“I’ll find you.”
Voices echo along the empty passageway, as I hang up the receiver. I shuffle to the counter, I grab a cup from a shelf, and quickly fill it with coffee from the machine. I’m sitting at the table, adding the fixings, when Dolly walks into the room and stares at me. “Hi Dolly.” I give her a bright smile. “I was just heading to the library when I smelled the coffee. Do you want a cup?”
“No, I’m fine. I’ve been searching the house for you. Mr. Harper told me you were in the library.” She places one hand firmly under my arm. “I believe he’d like to speak to you. I’ll carry the coffee.”
She is silent as she escorts me back to the library. I make myself comfortable in the chair by the window and Dolly closes the door as she leaves. Excitement shivers through me at the thought of seeing Alex again. It’s not as if I have any romanticnotions toward him. It’s never been like that between us. We just like each other’s company. I sip my coffee and realize having John so close is disturbing me and I really don’t know why. Maybe it’s a second sense that is warning me of danger? The argument we had before the accident must have been bad for me to run away. I wonder where I was going? Where did I wreck the SUV and why didn’t John come after me? So many questions and they’re all locked inside my head. I wonder if they will ever emerge out of the fog?
My thoughts are broken by the creaking of the heavy oak door. My stomach squeezes as I see John standing in the doorway. His expression is as composed as normal but I see a flicker of unease in his eyes. As he steps into the room, the familiar scent of his cologne reaches me and mingles with the musty aroma of old books and polished wood. I peer at him over the rim of my cup.
“Jessie. We need to talk.” He closes the door firmly behind him and takes the chair opposite mine.
It’s surreal that this man that I love with all my heart and know so intimately is little more than a stranger. It’s as if I’m seeing him through someone else’s eyes, as if our life together never existed. As if it’s been one long dream—or maybe a nightmare. I smile at him. “I’d love to talk to you, John. I’m so lonely here and I miss my home. It’s very nice here, and I appreciate you moving me from a sterile hospital room but I want to go home. I want to be with you and the girls.”
“I know it’s difficult for you and it’s hard on me too.” He shakes his head. “It’s not that.”
He appears conflicted and John is the most decisive man I know. I sigh. “If it’s about the papers, I’ve already told you, John, I’m not signing. I’ve spoken to Mr. Collins and he agrees with me that I need more time before I make important decisions. By signing them now, they could easily be challenged in court. Ihave memory loss. It might never come back but I need to give it time. Mr. Collins said I can take all the time I need.”
“This isn’t just about the papers, Jessie.” He runs a hand through his hair, his agitation evident. “It’s about us and everything that’s happened. We need to talk it out. Since you woke up, it’s as if the problems between us have magnified. Look, I know I’m not perfect but if we can discuss what’s troubling you, we can start afresh.”
A surge of anger shimmers through me. I have so many unanswered questions they are suffocating me. “How about we start with the reason you turned off my life support?”
“The doctors told me you were gone, Jessie.” A shadow passes over his features and his face tightens. “They said that your brain function was minimal and, if you survived, you’d be a vegetable. I couldn’t stand to see you suffer a moment longer.” He leans forward, cradling his head in his hands. “The doctors told me you’d recover after the induced coma so I insisted on many procedures to make you look the same. You’d suffered significant facial damage in the wreck. I did this so you’d be happy. After the last one you didn’t recover as expected. It was my fault for trying to make you perfect again. I only did it because I care for you.”
He didn’t mention the word “love” and I finish my coffee as if what he’s saying is having no effect on me. I keep my voice low and civil. I don’t want to fight with him but I need to get my point across or this discussion is useless. “They obviously made a mistake, didn’t they? It was too soon after the wreck to make a decision like that. Brain-dead is dead, low brain function is alive. I was in there fighting and you didn’t even give me a chance to recover, and we discussed this in length when we married. I made it quite clear that I valued life. You disrespected my wishes.”
“I’m sorry, Jessie.” John reaches out a hand to me and then drops it. “I don’t know what to say.”
I fix my gaze on him. I feel tears running down my cheeks. I don’t want to cry. “Tell me the truth, John. I was just a burden to you, wasn’t I? You sent me here to die so you didn’t have to look at me.”
“No! I did it because I love you. I couldn’t stand seeing you like that.” He looks at me, his eyes pleading. “I blame myself for the accident.” He narrows his gaze. “Do you remember anything at all about that night?”
I shake my head. “Only hitting the tree, and that’s a muddle of bad dreams and reality. I’m slowly remembering things that happened. I know I was taking art classes and I met a writer named Alex. I recall confronting my father over my grandma’s letter; from then on it gets a bit fuzzy. I don’t have any recollection of an argument with you. I know we had one but what it was about eludes me right now. Do you want to fill in the blanks?”
“I can’t.” John leans forward in his chair. “I’ve spoken to Dolly today and she said the doctor is very happy with your progress but insists you should try and recall what happened.” He stands and moves his chair closer; he sits and takes my hands. “He said he could try hypnosis. Sometimes it helps but remembering naturally is the best thing. So I declined the offer.”
I meet his gaze. “See, you’re making decisions without asking me. I’m your wife, John, not a child or a pet. I need to know what happened. I would have agreed to the hypnosis. I want to get my life back and come home. I need my family. Ineedyou.”
