Page 2 of The Liar I Married
When I open my eyes again, darkness presses against the window. A small light glows on a table and I recognize the thick brocade drapes held with a gold rope through copper rings set in the window frame. The memories are coming back now. I’m in my grandmother’s house, in the sunroom overlooking the garden. What has happened to me? I try to think but a fog obscures the details. It’s like trying to catch shadows. The maddeningbeep, beep, beepis still there. “Turn off the noise.” A voice I don’t recognize escapes my lips. It’s little more than a raspy scratchy whisper.
“Oh, good, you’re awake.” The face of a young woman, blonde hair tied back at the nape of the neck, stares at me and then snaps on a pair of examination gloves. “Would you like a drink?”
I manage a nod and a straw slides between my lips. Cold water slips like nectar down my throat but it’s taken away before my thirst is quenched. My gaze moves over the woman again trying to recall who she is, but I’m sure I don’t know her. She’s dressed in a blue shirt, with a gray cardigan over a matching skirt that covers her knees and comfortable slip-on shoes. The noise thankfully stops and I stare at her as she checks a machine beside the bed. I lift a heavy arm to touch my face and she grabs it, placing it back down beside me.
“You’ll pull out your drip.” She looks at me, her face critical. “I’m Dolly, your nurse. You’ve been out for a long time…what’s the last thing you remember?”
It came back in a rush of terror, the dark winding road, the grinding of metal…my twin daughters were in the car. I try to sit up but she presses me back down on the bed. “My kids. Whereare they? Are they okay? I was dreaming about a car wreck and I drove into a tree. That doesn’t matter now. All that matters are my kids. Where are they?”
She just looks at me as if I’ve asked her to fly around the room or something. What has happened? My heart pounds. Her indifference is infuriating. “Where’s John? Is he okay?”
“Your husband is fine.” Dolly patted my hand and smiled. “I’ll call him and he’ll be right along.”
So she gives out information about John but not my kids. What’s going on here? I look at her and grip her arm as much as I can. “I need to know if my kids are okay. Tell me.”
“Stay calm, Jessie. I’m just a nurse, I don’t know any details about your personal life. The only contact I have is your husband, okay? I do know you’ve been in a coma and mustn’t upset yourself. Everything will be okay.” The nurse moves away and then returns with a needle and presses the tip into the tubing running to a plastic bag of something hanging from a stand.
I try to fight to stay awake but the drugs drag me into oblivion.Where are my kids?
A voice reaches through the haze. I’m swimming against giant waves, fighting against the drugs. My head weighs a ton, and trying to move is impossible, but I’m awake. It’s an effort to clear the fog from my mind. The last thing I remember is the nurse sticking the needle into my drip.
“Jessie?” A familiar voice close by drags me back to full consciousness. “It’s me, John. Do you remember me? I’m your husband.”
Of course I know him, he’s been haunting my dreams. I turn my head slowly, to find John standing by the door, as polished as ever in his tailored suit. His face is a mask of concern,but his once-loving eyes are empty. A flood of memories hit me in a confused muddle. He looks fine but some part of my consciousness insists he was in the car with me when I crashed. Now I’m confused. If I ended up in a coma, how did he walk away without a scratch? What part of my memories is dreams and what is the truth?
I push words through a dry and scratchy throat. “John.” I blink at him, trying to focus.
“Do you remember what happened?” John’s intense expression frightens me.
I don’t remember but I look at him. “Just before, I had a dream about a car wreck.” I see the truth in his face. Alarm grips me and my hands shake. “It’s true? I wrecked the car? Oh, God no! Where are the girls? Are Emily and Olivia okay? Did you bring them with you?” Tears wet my cheeks and I desperately need a hug. I stretch out my hand toward him but when he doesn’t move, I drop it and wait for him to speak. Something unspeakable has happened.
“You don’t remember anything at all about that night?” John searches my face. “Only a dream?”
I nod and sniffle. “In the dream I’m fighting to keep the SUV on the road and hit a tree then I wake up. Everything else is blank. Tell me what happened. Where are my girls?” I grip his arm, digging in my nails. “Tell me, dammit.”
“You need to rest, Jessie.” John hesitates, a flicker of something—guilt?—crossing his face. “Don’t worry about anything right now.”
I struggle to sit up, but my body refuses to cooperate. “Don’t worry? They’re our babies, John. I need to know if they’re okay.”
“I’m not allowed to tell you anything, Jessie, so please, don’t upset yourself. The doctor insists it will all come back to you soon. The answers are inside your head, and we’ve all been instructed to allow that to happen for your own good. Thedoctors said it will take time to get your head straight. You need to trust me. Everything will be fine. Just focus on getting better.” He sits on the edge of the bed but doesn’t hold me; he just places a hand on my arm. It’s meant to be comforting, but feels like a restraint.
Unable to believe my ears, I stare at him. His empty words do nothing to soothe my anxiety. “This is crazy…not knowing makes me upset. John,please, I need to know.”
“I can’t.” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”
He actually looks remorseful as if I’m hurting him. I lower my voice to make him see reason. “Why won’t you tell me where they are? Why aren’t they here?”
“Jessie,please. You’ve just woken from a coma. You need to take it easy. Getting upset will mean you need to be sedated and that will delay recovery. It’s better to allow everything to come back naturally. I don’t know what happened, Jessie, it’s locked inside your head.” John’s grip tightens slightly and his face pales. “I’ll help you fill in the blanks when you start to recover. Right now, I need you to get better, darling. I miss you.”
As I search his face, looking for answers, all I see is a carefully constructed facade. “I remember things from before the accident, John. I remember you missing your birthday dinner I’d prepared especially.”
“I can’t change the past, Jessie.” He sighs. “But I’m here now.”
Memories tumble through my mind in a muddled stream of information. I don’t know what’s real and what’s an illusion. For some reason I’m angry with him—why? Do I blame him for the accident? Where did that come from? An image of him with a beautiful woman slides across my consciousness making me gasp. Words spill from my mouth. “You should have been here when I woke the first time. You’re never around, John. Even before the accident, you were always working late or not cominghome at all.” I can’t stop the words tumbling out. “Are you seeing someone else?”
“No!” He recoils slightly, his expression hardening. “Of course not. We have a wonderful marriage. Why would I spoil it?”
I cough, my throat closing. “Then why aren’t you ever home?”
