Page 40 of Sins of Seduction
“Hey, listen, why don’t you take the next couple of days off? We’re not going to open until next weekend anyway. This way you can go get some R&R and enjoy yourself.” It was also a good way to put distance between them because the longer Raven looked at Danielle, the harder it was becoming not to see Lea in her eyes.
Danielle nodded. “That makes sense. We’ve been working non-stop, and with everything that happened, I could use a little decompression.” Danielle grabbed Raven’s hands, giving them a tight squeeze. “I’m really…I didn’t….I don’t…,” she let out a breath, “I’m sorry, Rave. You’re the only one who sees me, and I kind of got swept up in it all, I guess. Thanks for being understanding.”
Danielle turned and walked out of the office, leaving Raven alone. She had to fight the urge to go after her. It was like watching Lea walk away from her all over again, and Raven knew how that ended. But Danielle wasn’t Lea, and Raven would be seeing her again.
Raven plopped down in her chair and pulled out her cell phone to text Jax’s, asking for him to come pick her up so they could talk. She hated that she put herself in this position, but the sooner she cleared the air with him, the better. After everything thing he told her—how open he was to the idea of her lifestyle and getting back together—Raven hoped she didn’t just fuck up their progress.
Jax watched Raven make her morning protein shake as he sat in one of the chairs at her kitchen table. The silence of the morning was only interrupted by the sound of the blender as Jax tried to gather his thoughts after Raven told him about what happened between her and her assistant. The old Jax would have started yelling right when she told him. He would have called her every name in the book and used this opportunity to preach about his sainthood and this being the perfect reason why swinging—her being as open as she was sexually—was wrong.
You can’t invite people into your marriage or your bedroom. That’s giving them an open invitation to come around when you’re not there.
His mom’s words had rang loud in his head as soon as Raven mentioned it. It had been hard to push that voice out of his head, knowing this would have been the catalyst for Jax to walk away or push Raven to do it for him, but Jax had turned inward and asked if they could discuss it in the morning. He knew nothing good would come from the discussion they would have had last night. It probably would have been volatile, and Jax wanted—needed—the time to be able to actually hear her when she spoke, instead of just reacting.
They had slept in the same bed. Jax woke up a couple of times to see his body had curled in on hers, keeping her close. He didn’t feel the distance between them then, but when the sun came up, Jax awoke with a bitter taste in his mouth, not liking what happened between Raven and Danielle. He did, however, feel better equipped to handle this conversation than he would have last night.
Thoughts had swirled around in his mind. He wondered if this was the first time something like this happened between them, and if he would have to worry about it every time Raven went to work. Danielle was so much a part of Raven’s business and personal life, Jax wasn’t sure he’d be okay with them working together—but that would all be dependent on how this conversation went and if there was still trust between them.
Jax took a sip of his coffee, hoping it would stop the swirl of thoughts running through his skull—or at least streamline them. Raven hadn’t given him the whole story, and maybe once he heard it, he’d have a better handle on his thoughts.
“You’re drinking black coffee?” Raven’s question was soft, like she was scared any sudden movements or loud sounds would break the fragile stance they were in. She sat down, taking a sip of her protein shake, wincing before rubbing the spot between her eyes.
“Headache?” Jax wondered if it was from the stress of this conversation they were about to have. He made sure Raven was taking care of herself so there were no more trips to the emergency room.
“Yes. I have a follow up with my primary coming up soon.” She took another sip and made a face like the shake went sour. She cleared her throat. “But we’re not here to talk about my health.”
“We’re not.” Jax leaned his elbows on the table, fighting the urge to reach for her hands. He wanted to understand, to make sense of why she fooled around with Danielle when they were just starting out again. As much as he accused her of it, he knew infidelity wasn’t one of their problems. “Talk to me, Rave. Is this something you two do and she didn’t realize I was back in the picture?”
Raven shook her head. “This was impulsive, though more so on my end than hers. I really don’t know how it happened. One minute I was looking at something in my office, and the next I thought she was an intruder, and somehow I ended up with my fingers inside of her.” Raven let out a breath. “I know it sounds lame. I can hear how I sound, but at that moment, all I saw was Lea, I didn’t even see Danielle.”
Jax felt the floor give out from under him. He hadn’t heard Lea’s name in what felt like forever. He couldn’t ignore her presence in Raven’s life because he knew how important Lea was to her, but to hear her being spoken about now, when Raven had fooled around with Danielle, left a bitter taste in his mouth. If there was one person in this town who could have Raven’s heart and give her what she needed, it was Lea.
“You know, she’s been dead for five years as of yesterday.” Raven wrapped her arms around herself, looking every bit as somber and broken as the day he found Raven in Lea’s home trying to revive her. “I forgot this year—I forgot her.”
Raven sounded like she was in physical pain, and Jax switched chairs so he was sitting next to her. He gripped her forearm, letting his warmth seep into her otherwise cold body. He had no idea what Raven was feeling when it came to Lea’s death, but he could sympathize, having buried his mom and grandparents. He felt like a piece of himself had been buried with them, and he could only imagine how he would feel if he lost Raven in that same manner.
It would probably destroy him.
“I felt her in the office with me. Everything felt off, though, and maybe it was the stress of being in Lush after what happened, or maybe it was the realization that a whole year had gone by and I forgot.” She grabbed his hand in a punishing grip. “I looked at Danielle, and for a moment, it wasn’t Danielle in front of me it was Lea. I knew it was impossible, but that didn’t stop me from touching her. It didn’t go past a lame finger-fucking, but it still happened.”
Jax was quiet for a moment to take in what Raven was telling him. On one hand, he could empathize with her. He wouldn’t be here now if Lea were still alive. Jax always believed he would have never gotten a second or third chance with Raven because Lea would have married her. Jax could understand the moment of love or even relief Raven felt when she felt Lea’s presence, but Danielle wasn’t Lea. He didn’t even see the resemblance, but to an overstressed mind like Raven’s, Jax understood how that could play tricks on people and show Raven what she wanted to see.
And if she wanted to see Lea, where does that leave you?
The single thought was laced with enough doubt that Jax almost pulled away from Raven and reverted back to the asshole he used to be. It was on the tip of his tongue to call her out and pick a fight, but he swallowed the urge. Her love for Lea had nothing to do with him. Rave found Lea dead. There was a lot, even after five years, that needed to be unpacked and dealt with.
Jax cleared his throat. “What made you stop?” The question slipped out on its own. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer if her response wasn’t him.
“She wasn’t Lea. She’s my employee and friend and would have opened up a huge can of worms I wouldn’t want Diane to bail me out of. You, us, what we’re trying to do and be this time around. I didn’t want to jeopardize that.” She squeezed his hand in reassurance.
As Jax gazed into her sunshine eyes, he let the truth of her words wash over him. She didn’t want to jeopardize what they were building, and that meant she was as all in as he was. “What happens now?”
“With Danielle?” She shrugged. “I gave her the week off since I’m not opening Lush until next Thursday and whatever admin stuff I have for the club I can do on my own. I don’t want to fire her. I think she’s more embarrassed by what happened than anything else, honestly. I think it’s going to be awkward for a while. We have to reestablish boundaries and repair the line in the sand we clearly destroyed. How do you feel about that?”
Raven’s question caught him off guard. He didn’t think she was going to take into account his feelings when it came to Danielle still working at Lush. He liked that she asked him for his opinion, and maybe back in the day he would have demanded that Raven fire Danielle because he didn’t trust either of them, but he did trust Raven. For all her faults, she was always honest and upfront—even when he didn’t want her to be. If she told him this was a one off, he believed her.
“As long as it doesn’t happen again and you both understand I’m not going anywhere, it doesn’t bother me. However, while I know we’re supposed to be taking this shit slowly….” He shook his head and unhooked himself from her hold. He reached forward to grab her hips and scooped her off of her chair and plopped her down on his lap.
His hand threaded through her golden locks as he angled her face so she was looking directly at him. He wasn’t a jealous man, but Raven needed to understand she was his. “You’re mine, Rave. All this shit is semantics at this point. You and I both know how this is going to end. The only thing that’s different this time is that you’re not going to be able to scare me off.”
