Page 70 of Dangerous King
Sabine and Nico are arguing over who used to steal cookies from Zia Nina's pantry. My mother is glowing with maternal adrenaline, fussing over whether my father had enough of the lamb. Lucas is trying to explain to Eliza why putting lemon on roasted potatoes is a crime against Sicilian culture.
And I'm here. Sitting between the people I love. Smiling. And aching inside. I'm happy. Iam.
But I'm also so overwhelmed. Like my body is filled with electricity, and no one's grounded the wire. The voices are too loud, the warmth too much. Like I'm wrapped in a heavy blanket I begged for, but now I can't breathe under the weight of it. I should be fine.
Ishouldbe.
But after years of silence and being forgotten in corners, this much attention feels like a spotlight. It's too bright. Too focused. Too everything. My ears are ringing, my stomach is in knots, my jaw hurts from smiling too much, and most of all, I have this overwhelming desire to run.
Enrico still isn't here. Maybe if he were, I would feel more grounded.
Mattheo arrived just before dinner, all swagger and quiet calculation, kissing his sister's cheek and offering my mother a bouquet that looked like it came from a royal florist. He's everything I imagined one of the Sartori brothers would be. Sharp, observant, and careful. He apologized for missing their arrival and said how happy he is that they're here. He did all the right things, but he's nothim.
Not the one I want to see walking through that door. Not the one whose voice makes my knees forget their purpose. I push my food around my plate like a petulant child. I feel like one, too. This should be the happiest day of my life. Instead, my blood is pounding in my ears, filling them with a strange rushing sound that threatens to drown everything else out.
Nico raises his glass, and I have to really focus to hear his words. "Remember that time Cat fell into the pond trying to impress Lucas with her very serious ballet moves?"
Laughter breaks across the table.
I blink. My mouth curves, but it's stiff. I… don't remember that, not even a flash. Lucas grins at me, and Mamma tilts her head, dabbing at a tear in the corner of her eye.
Hoping to find an out, I look across the table. Sabine is smiling, but it feels—off. Like she's trying too hard, too. When our eyes lock, she holds the moment just a second too long before looking away. I should say something, do something, but I don't know what.
Helplessly, I glance at Izzy, who doesn't say anything. She just gives me a subtle wink and a small smile. It's enough to lose some of the tension in my neck. I feelseen.
"Excuse me," I say softly, standing. "Shadow's still with Julio. I promised I'd get him before it gets too late."
No one stops me. A few voices murmur assent. My mother tells me to bring him in to sit with us. Nico jokes that he'll save dessert for thefurry monster. I slip out of the room, closing the double doors behind me.
The moment the noise is gone, the silence is immediate and total. I press my back against one of the marble pillars and take a deep breath in. And out.
A tear rolls down my cheek, and my voice is low when I admit, "Too much."
It takes a few moments for me to catch my bearings before the humming in my head retreats, and only a slight ringing is left. Out here, I feel like I can breathe again. The heavy vise grip that's sat around my chest during dinner has disappeared too. I push thoughts of what the hell is wrong with me away, unable to dealwith that guilt right now. I haven't seen my family in years, and now that they're here, all I want is to escape.
No, that's not entirely true. I close my eyes, press my palm to the cool stone behind me, and let myself breathe. Iamhappy they're here. I missed them so much it hollowed me out. But right now, just knowing they're in the other room—laughing, living,together—it's enough. I love them. More than they probably understand. But I need this sliver of silence, this pocket of stillness, more than I need to be in that room.
Being with them hurts. Every part of me, physically and emotionally. So I let myself step back, just for a little bit. And I tell myself:They're here.
That's enough—for now.
I give myself a few more moments to gather myself before I walk briskly toward the dog kennels, from where soft music lures me forward. The old barn doors are wide open when I approach. Light spills across the inside, warm and golden, and the sound of old Italian music filters out like an invitation.
Julio looks up from grooming one of the dogs. Dexter, I think, who takes the opportunity to run off. Julio mutters a low curse before he looks up at me. "You survived dinner."
"Barely," I murmur.
He smiles, it's dry but not unkind, and sets the brush he was using aside. "Your mutt's in the back room. Healing like a champ."
"He didn't give you any trouble?" I ask, stepping inside.
Julio shrugs with practiced nonchalance. "We've come to… an understanding."
Just then, a blur of fur and paws barrels into me.
"Shadow—hey, hey—easy!" I laugh, crouching as the puppy wiggles and licks and circles me like I've been gone for a week instead of a few hours.
Julio chuckles from the doorframe. "See? Told you. We made friends."
