Page 57 of Stella
Me
Do it now so I know you’re safe
A few moments later, a message pings back.
Stella
I didn’t want you to go
Stella
I know you think this can’t work but it can
Stella
Just don’t overthink it. That was fucking amazing. I came so hard. So so hard
I stare at her words, my wood not going anywhere, and I cuss.Why did I fucking come here?
Oh, I know why. Because the sweet temptation of the woman I can’t have is just too much. Knowing she’s never been fucked isjust the cherry on top, and knowing I want it to be me that pops that fucking cherry is enough to drive a sane man mad.
Get a fucking grip!
If I could have a cold shower, I would, but I have to get back to fucking work.
Goddamn it.
Me
You’re a beautiful woman, Stella
Stella
Goodnight then
Me
Did you lock the door?
Stella
Yes
I blow out a breath. She’s safe. Now fucking drive away!
Me
Goodnight
That’s what I say because I can’t say anything else. I can’t tell her that I want more, and not just sex, but everything. Her lack of inexperience is a turn on, but so is her fucking brain. She’s so smart, and quick-witted, and fucking perfect. Everything about her turns my head in every single direction, and she has no clue of her power. No clue at all that I’d do anything for her, be anything for her, and I want more. I really do, but putting that pressure on her when she’s never had a real boyfriend is just wrong.
Sex changes everything, good or bad. Despite what she says, it’s notjust sex.Being with her wouldn’t be like any otherexperience. I know that because I’ve never had a woman do this to me. Even the relationships I’ve been in have never felt nuclear.
Stella and I have been dancing this dance for a while, and maybe that’s why. The tension has built up so much that neither of us can stand it. But does that make it okay for me to just take what I want?
How selfish of me would it be to involve her in my world? And I’d never be welcome in hers. If we had sex, knowing that it would eventually end, that would be wrong. And it would end. The Rebels will never accept me. I’ve made their life hell, and they haven’t exactly made mine a picnic. We’re natural, born enemies. And Stella is in the middle of all of that.
I want her more than anything, but I also don’t want to use her, inadvertently or not. She doesn’t realize it yet, but it’s for the best, and I don’t say that without pause.
