Page 54 of Stella
“I’m not that guy.” I take a moment to compose myself. “When you told me that, sure I was shocked. What man wouldn’t be? You’re gorgeous, and you’re telling me you’ve never had sex. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about it.”
“So why this big discussion? Kinda ruining the moment.” She gives me that lopsided smile that goes straight to my dick. The fucking world lights up when she smiles, and my heart stops.
“Because I have to be careful with you.”
She studies me for a moment and then asks; “Why?”
I run both hands through my hair. “Because it’syou, Stella. I can’t give you what you want.”
“You don’t know anything about what I want.”
“That may be true, but you deserve the world.”
“It’s just sex.” Even as she says it, I know she doesn’t mean it. When she was drunk, she told me she has to feel something forthe person, and that’s why she hasn’t had sex yet. And here she is in her kitchen, completely sober, acting as if this is no big deal. I know it is, as much as she may like to act like it isn’t.
“We can’t fuck.”
Her lips part for a second, confusion on her face. “Why not?” Her eyes plead with me, and it isn’t that I want to deny her, but once we end up in bed, I know I won’t shake her from my system.
Stella could never be erased after one night, that I know for certain.
While I’ve considered the idea of taking her virginity, and what a privilege it would be, I know deep down that this isn’t right. And I feel more for her than just sex, but I can’t reiterate that. She’s young and impressionable, and the way she looks at me… I know it’s more than just sex. If I break her heart — and trust me, I’ve no intention of doing that, but if I did, I could never live with myself. For one, I’m used to living alone. I’ve only had a couple of semi-serious relationships, but it was nothing like the intensity I feel when I’m with her.
Then there’s the Rebels.
Stella’s father hates me, along with his buddies, and there ain’t no changing that. No matter what. I’m the enemy, and they’d cut me into tiny pieces and bury me in the bayou if I so much as looked at Stella. Where the fuck does that leave me?
I know I need to man up. She’s a grown adult, as am I, but I know how close she is to her pops. Do I really want to be the reason that she has a falling out with him? They’d never accept me, so Stella would be forced to choose. I’m not going to do that to her.
When I don’t answer, she repeats the question. “Why not,Detective?”
“Because once you do that, baby girl, it changes everything.”
“Good, isn’t that the point?” she huffs. “I mean, I’m here for the taking. I want it, and judging by the feel of you, you want it too.”
She squeezes me again, and I catch her hand and bring it up to a safer region, resting on my stomach.
“Of course I do. You’re fucking beautiful?—”
“So you’re making excuses?”
“I’m trying to convince you this is a bad idea.”
She shakes her head. “Consider me not convinced. I know we’d be good together, and maybe you’re right. Maybe itisn’tjust sex. Clearly, I told you too much information the night I was drunk, but none of it was a lie. Idofeel a connection with you, like no other guy I’ve been with before. There’s more I want to do. I want to feel alive like I do when I’m with you.”
I stare at her.
What the fuck is she doing to me?
I don’t want to think about her with another guy, an ex or not. The idea that another man has felt those soft lips on his, and had their hands on her body almost sends a rage right through me. And I’m not a rageful person. When it comes to Stella, however, there’s always an exception to the rule.
I cup her face. “It isn’t that I don’t want you.”
“You’re being too nice, Cale. You know you don’t have to be, right? I’m not a little girl who doesn’t know what she wants. And it isn’t up to you to decide if you’re good enough for me. I already know you are or I wouldn’t have let you into my apartment.”
She makes several good points, but I can’t tell her that.
My feet, which should be moving away and leaving her the fuck alone, don’t shift one step. It’s like they’re glued to the floor.
