Page 2 of Stella
Grandma gasps. Yeah, she’s definitely crying. “Five years?” she can barely get the words out. “Five fucking years? And we didn’t know?”
“There, there, Nancy,” Grandpa soothes her. “We always knew the best thing she ever left was that little boy in there.”
“We tried,” Grandma says. “But she got addicted to meth, and then any other substance under the sun. When she dropped Cale off to us, she wasn’t even sober three days before she took off again. We don’t even know who the father is.”
I don’t hear what the Chief says, but I can tell Grandpa has my grandma cradled in his arms. No matter what my mom did, they still loved her. But she was a danger to herself and others, that’s what they said over and over. I don’t know what any of it means, but I’m still sad. She was my mom.
“We’ll have to tell Cale,” Grandpa says. “He has a right to know, even though he never knew her.”
“I don’t know,” Grandma replies. “We need to protect his little soul more now than ever. The less he knows about that part of her life, the better.”
“He can’t mourn a mother he never even knew,” Grandpa sighs. “It should stay that way.”
“But it’s probably best if he has questions, we could answer them and him being so young, it might settle him,” Grandma goes on. “He’s from a long line of thinkers. And he’s smart, too. He’ll work it out if we keep too much from him.”
I hear movement, and I slink away before I can get caught.
I go to the bathroom and wash up as I was told. My mind is spinning. I don’t feel anything. Sadness, yes, but that’s all. Should there be tears? I never really thought about the idea of my mom coming back. I like living here. I like being with my grandparents. They keep everything bad away, and someday, someday I’ll repay them and keep bad things away from them, too.
When we sit down for dinner, I’ve no idea if they’re going to tell me about the conversation from earlier. As I pass the potatoes, Grandpa says: “Cale, we had a visit from the police officers today, as you’re well aware.”
I look up at him. “Yes, sir.”
He clears his throat. “Grandma and I debated about telling you this, but we feel you should know.” He pauses, glancing across at my grandmother. Her face has been red and blotchy all day. Both of them are sad. “The officers came to tell us that your mom, our daughter… she went to heaven.”
I stare at him as if I’m hearing it for the first time. I’ve never seen Grandpa look like this; older than his years. His eyes bloodshot and watery.
“She’s in a better place,” he goes on. “She was troubled, may God have mercy on her soul.”
“Amen,” Grandma chimes.
I open my mouth, then close it again.
He tips his head in my direction. “You got questions, son?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“None at all?”
I frown. “What was she like? When she was my age?”
Grandma makes a little sound that has me shooting my eyes across at her. She cries openly, a soggy tissue blotting her eyes.
“Now, Nancy, don’t go getting yourself into a state,” Grandpa says.
I jump out of my chair and in a few strides, I’m at her side, folding her into my arms. “It’s okay, Grandma. You told me the good parts of her are in me, so that’s something to celebrate, isn’t it?”
She sobs as I avoid looking at the head of the table. “She was my baby, no matter what. When you have children of your own someday, Cale, you’ll understand. When you love someone more than you love yourself, like Grandpa and I do, then you’ll be a man and you’ll really know what it feels like to love.”
I don’t like seeing her upset. “She’s an angel in Heaven now, she’s resting,” I say. “Don’t be sad.”
“Yes,” Grandma sniffles. “She is, child, she’s in a better place.” She pats my arm as I continue to hug her.
After that night, we never speak of her ever again.
1
STELLA
