Page 40 of Choosing Her
"New Year's Day," I said. "That's what made me think of it.”
My chest felt heavy as I stared out at the calm water and thought about all those traditions we wouldn’t be having this year. Granted, we hadn’t done them in many years, but every holiday season, I hoped we could reclaim some of the magic that we’d had when I was growing up. Reading Twas The Night Before Christmas as a family on Christmas Eve. Having dinner as a family on Christmas Day instead of going off to some lavish party where I knew almost nobody. Counting down to the new year together. Instead, my parents were at some no-kids-allowed party, my sister was in a random guy’s pool, and I was standingon a beach with a total stranger. I’d already been trepidatious enough when I heard we’d be coming to Florida for the holidays instead of staying back home, but I thought we’d at least all be together.
“You’re not from around here, are you?” Crossy asked.
I shook my head. “Just visiting for the holidays. You?”
“Me too,” he said. He dragged a foot through the water, making it ripple. “Visiting my cousins. That’s who I lost to one of the rooms upstairs.”
I’d already forgotten that he was up there looking for someone, in the same way that I’d all but forgotten about Naomi.
“I wonder if they’re looking for us,” I mused. “Not sure my sister would think to look on the beach.”
“I’m sure my cousin is having the time of his life and has completely forgotten that I’m here at all,” Crossy said. Even though I felt the same way about Naomi, I felt strangely bad for him. At least, she was my sister, who I lived with and had to see every day. If he was only here to visit his cousins, I assumed they didn’t see each other much and this was how he wanted to spend their limited time together?
“Let’s keep walking,” I said. “I want to collect seashells.”
The suggestion probably sounded idiotic, but Crossy smiled at me like it was the best idea he’d ever heard anyway, and we walked. I kept waiting for him to ask me where I was from—the natural question after someone said they were visiting for the holidays—and I was both surprised and grateful when he didn’t. I didn't want to be Rebecca, daughter of Halston and Louise Saylor. I didn’t want to be known as the daughter of one of the greatest hockey coaches in the NHL or a rich socialite. I didn’t even want to be the younger sister of Naomi. Right here and now, I just wanted to be Saylor.
And Saylor wasn’t from Ontario. She didn’t go to Hartwell Academy. She wouldn’t be off to some prestigious university in a year and a half.
I was just Saylor and he was just Crossy. I was just a girl and he was just a boy, and for that one night, everything in life was truly that simple.
CHAPTER 21
crossy
Dear Saylor,
I thought I knew pain before this but nothing hurts more than spending so much time with you and knowing you’ll never be
“What are you doing?”Mako’s voice made me almost jump out of my skin. My hands fumbled as I quickly shoved the letter I’d been writing back into my binder, so fats that the paper crumpled loudly. I was so un-subtle about it that there was no way I couldn’t play it off like I was just doing a last minute homework assignment. I might as well have held up a flashing neon sign that saidNothing Suspicious Here.
“Nothing,” I said. My voice came out all high and squeaky, and I cleared my throat to fix it. “What areyoudoing here?”
Mako raised his eyebrows and lifted the coffee cup in his hands. “Just getting caffeine before class.”
“Right, right,” I said, nodding way too aggressively. How obvious could I be that I was hiding something? I glanced past him at the line of students in matching uniforms, waiting to order a drink. I came here every morning to get two drinks—mine and Saylor’s—and sometimes came early like this so I could get work done without being bothered by Bear in our room.
Mako’s gaze drifted down to where my hands were still sitting on the binder, holding it closed. He leaned in like he was trying to get a better look. “What’s that?”
Normally, I prided myself on my good reflexes and to remain calm. I hadn’t freaked out when I realized who Saylor was in the summer. When my sister broke her arm when I was babysitting her in the middle school, I’d been calm and collected about getting her help. But seeing Mako shift like he was planning to pull out the paper I’d just suspiciously shoved in made me panic. And before I could even begin to think of a logical way out of this, instinct took over and I did the first thing I thought of: I jerked my knees up, sending the table toppling over and knocking everything straight off.
The table crashed sideways, taking my binder, my coffee, and everything else with it. A chair scraped violently against the tile, then?—
WHAM.
The nearest chair slammed into Mako’s stomach, hard enough to make him double over. His coffee exploded across the front of his shirt, the white fabric instantly staining a deep, tragic brown.
The café went silent.
Mako just… stared at me. Wide-eyed. Disbelieving.
I smiled weakly. “Oops?”
A slow, shaky breath left his lips. Then he groaned, peeling his soaked shirt away from his skin like it personally betrayed him. “I have a speech in class today.”
I winced. “Yikes.”
