Page 53 of Wicked Lies Grow Wildflowers
I need to blow off some steam, let some of this aggression out. Luckily my phone rings with a job from Mark. The timing couldn’t be more perfect.
My fist israw from pummeling this prick’s face in, my clothes soaked in blood from the hours long torture session. Poor guy’s only missing both hands and is quickly bleeding out, I don’t know why he’s screaming so much. Though ‘poor guy’ is the wrong term to use. There’s nothing sad about brutalizing a child predator.
When Mark called I was all too eager and he had just the person for me, a local pedophile who was known to be dallying in child sex abuse material. The perfect candidate, especially since I like to be nice and slow when enacting these types of hits. Long and torturous for the worst of the worst means extra therapy for me.Wonderful.
“You know, I really tried to do the right thing with her. I tried to be a good guy to the best of my ability. But you see, I’m not very good to begin with, am I?” I’ve been entertaining this piece of shit with my relationship woes, choosing my next infliction of pain based on where I’m at in my story. The prick only offers a small moan in answer. I guess I shouldn’t have knocked his teeth out so soon, but I really got tired of listening to him bitch and plead for mercy.
“And now, I think she’s scared of me.Me.” I laugh maniacally, drowning in the irony. “I’m the one fucking person who would do absolutelyanythingfor her. I’d bring down the fucking sun and moon if she asked me to.” My frustration peaks once more and my sledgehammer meets the piece of shit’s right ankle, shattering it on impact, causing him to let out another moan.
I can no longer discern his eyes among the gore, but I look at where they would be anyways. “She has to come back to me. She has to. She’s everything good. She’s all that’s right in the world. She’s fuckingperfect. She. Is.Mine.”
I think about how Simon tried to take her. To take what was never his. To take what’s been mine for months. How he touched her, how he wanted her. How he was willing to hurt her, all because she denied his advances. I let the thoughts of all the ‘what if’s’consume me. What if I didn’t find Simon in time? What if he had gotten to Maeren sooner? What if she was hurt even more severely?
By the time I’ve worked through all of my worst fears, the red haze has cleared from my vision. The body lying in a large pool of congealing blood before me is nothing but a messy pulp of raw flesh. All of the man’s features are distorted, the blood and swelling making the mangled body look like nothing but a slaughtered pile of meat. Knuckles throbbing and split, I take care of the cleanup myself this time, needing the calm, needingthe distraction. I’m out of second chances with Maeren, and I don’t want to think about what will happen if I fuck up for the final time.
My knucklesstill throb as I change the bloodied bandages and apply more antibiotic cream. My mind feels clearer, but my heart still feels broken. I’m not a sentimental man by any means, but Maeren’s stolen my whole heart, and I lost it willingly. It was never mine to hold; my chest was just a temporary home for the sorry organ as I waited for her to claim it. And she did, and then she dropped it battered and bruised back at my feet, all because I got us so tangled up in lies and deceit.
I open and close my fists a few times to stretch the bandages, before pulling a gray t-shirt over my head. I send Maeren a text, asking her to meet me at a coffee shop.
Me: Meet me at The Bean. Please. I’ll be there whether you decide to show or not, so please come. We need to talk, you need to hear me out. I love you still, Wildflower.
I slip on my boots and grab my jacket and keys, prepared to wait all day for Maeren if I have to. Even if she doesn’t show. I’ll just keep asking as long as it takes, as long as she needs to not be afraid of me and realize that I’ve only ever wanted to protect her and shield her from the horrors of the world. I swing my door open to leave and find Maeren—fist raised to knock, bare faced with bags under her eyes, but as beautiful as always. My heart somersaults and I stand there for a moment, slack jawed,my mouth opening and closing like a fish as I take her in, trying to wrap my mind around the fact that she’s reallyhere.She came tome.
She lowers her hand and stares at me, waiting for me to get a reign on my shock. Before I can let her in myself, she shoves past me into my kitchen. “Hi,” I breathe out.
“Hi,” she says, quietly, softly, like if she speaks too loudly it will break whatever tentative reconciliation we may have.
“Please, sit.” I shuck off my jacket, kicking off my boots and dropping my keys at the door. Maeren takes a seat on my couch and I sit next to her, making sure to leave a few inches of space between us.
“I uh, I just wanted to talk,” she swallows and I nod for her to continue. “I’ve been thinking a lot the last couple days and…” She sucks in a deep breath and fiddles with her sleeves before continuing on, “I’m just really fucking mad at you.” Her eyes shoot to mine with the confession, she chews her lip as if she’s worried about my reaction.
“I know. I’m angry at myself, Wildflower. I didn’t mean foranyof this to happen. I didn’t mean to take things this far in the beginning. And I’m so fucking sorry you got caught up in everything, and that I hid so much from you. You have every right to be mad at me, or hate me. Fuck hate me all you want, you deserve to.” I’m hunched over now, angled towards Maeren with my fits under my chin. I’m trying to keep my hands to myself but all I want to do is reach out for her.
“I don’t hate you, Xander. What you’ve done is so fucked up, beyond fucked up. But I don’t hate you,” she shakes her head, eyes squeezing shut.
“Maeren, I’d do it all again. You need to know that. I’d do everything again just to be close to you, to make sure you’d be mine. I’m sorry, yes, but I’m not regretful of every fucked upaction leading me straight to you. I can’t regret that,” I shake my head, hoping my admittance doesn’t fuck me over.
Her hands fidget and she tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear and nods, “I can accept that. You’re just—you. You’re intense and serious and so fucking broody to everyone but me. You’d do anything for me, you already have. Youkilledfor me, Xander. Yousaved my life.I know I’m safe with you, that you would never hurt me on purpose, your motivations and actions are just messed up.” She pauses for a moment, considering her next words.
“It’s a lot to wrap my head around and accept, and I just needed a little time apart to cope. To understand it all without causing a bigger fight. I just felt so violated and gross after knowing what Simon was doing to me. But you’re not him, you’d never try and take anything I wouldn’t freely give. You’re not the same person, and yeah I’m still mad, I’ll be mad for a while, but I don’t want to be apart from you anymore. Just promise me no more secrets. Please promise me, Xander,” her voice breaks and a lone tear travels down her cheek. I lean forward to wipe it away with my thumb as I cup her flushed cheek.
“I fuckingswearto you Maeren. I’ll tell you everything you want to know.Everything. Whenever you have questions I’ll have honest answers. The only time I’ll hide anything is when I have to conceal names for my… unsavory employer. But I’ll always let you know where I’m going and what I’m doing.” I squeeze her knee, reassuring her. “Always. I never want to drive you away again because you’re fuckingeverythingto me, and I’m so fucking sorry I almost lost you, but I won’t ever make that mistake again. I’ll never weave wicked lies around you Wildflower. Never again,” I vow.
Maeren looks up and meets my eyes, clutching my face in her hands and bringing our foreheads together. She nods against me with her eyes scrunched closed, tears still silently flowing.She opens them and locks her gaze with mine once more. We sit there, clutching each other with our lips a hair's breadth away, emotion bubbling over as the gravity of everything we’ve been through these last few weeks anchors us.
“I believe you. I trust you, and I want this to work. I wantusto work,” she whispers out.
“We’ll work. I know we will. Now and forever.”
“I’m still mad at you though, so maybe you should start making it up to me?” she boldly whispers before seizing my lips in a kiss. A kiss that out of the hundred we’ve already shared somehow feels the sweetest. It feels like a vow to always try, to always fight for this, for each other, forus.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
MAEREN
“Where are we going?”I giggle, the blindfold around my eyes tickling me as Xander helps me into his car.
“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you,” he chuckles, voice bleeding with affection.
