Page 19 of Wicked Lies Grow Wildflowers
“Simon? Mom, who'sSimon?”Oops, I try not to call her mom. It feels too endearing,mothermakes me feel moredistanced from her, the formal tone more fitting for our relationship, or lack thereof.
“I am. Nice to meet you, Maeren.” A man a little younger than my mom appears in the entryway and presents his hand for me to shake. Confused, I take it and look between him and my mother.
“Hi…. Nice to meet you, too. Who are you?” I try not to sound too critical of him.
“Oh, Maeren, Simon and I have been seeing each other for a few weeks, that’s why I wanted to finally have this dinner and needed you to get over your silly little outburst,” she explains as condescendingly as she can.
“Oh…OH!Mother, you didn’t mention you were seeing anyone.” Surprise coats my words as I note his tan skin, short cropped hair, clean shaven face, and a weird glint that flashes across his dark eyes. Dressed in black jeans and a pullover, he’s decent looking for a middle aged man, but doesn’t seem like my mom’s type. She usually prefers men who are more straight laced and wear business suits to bed. He is exceptionally casual for her and the regal appearance she likes to maintain.
“Why would I have? We met soon after you decided to be mad at me over our last dinner, and I didn’t want toimposeon yourboundaries.” Her voice is full of ire. This is going to be a long, long meal.
“Well, it’s lovely to meet you, Simon. Let’s go sit and you guys can tell me all about how you met.” Trying to cool the tension, I take a seat in the dining room, acting like I care to know the details of whatever this is. The men my mother brings home don’t usually stick around very long, she just wants a couple nights to feel young again. Not that she could manage to keep anyone around longer than that with her award winning personality.
As dinner passes, we eat and drink while my mother explains that she met Simon at the grocery store. She was loading up her bags in the parking lot when she dropped her keys. Simon happened to be walking by and grabbed them for her, how chivalrous.Eyeroll. According to both of them, it was attraction at first sight. My mom doesn’t formally date—hasn’t once since my dad left—so the fact that he’s been around for a while must count for something. She’s like me in that department: have your fun and get out.
The topic soon switches to employment and I explain that I’m a local realtor. Simon’s eyes light up at that. “Oh, wow, realty, huh? I bet you make a decent living then.”
My mother embellishes her following scoff with an eye roll. “Yeah, right, she lives in a tiny one-bedroom apartment on the other side of town.”
Ignoring her venomous words, I answer, “I do okay for myself. I’ve been supporting myself since the day I turned eighteen. While I might not have a lavish home, it’s more than enough for myself.” I’m unwilling to cower under her right now, especially with someone I just met sitting across from me. I’m also not going to be ashamed of how hard I’ve worked for the life I have. I’m proud of it regardless of what she thinks.
“Oh yes, Maeren, you’re just so much more successful than I could ever be.”
“Mother, I didn’t say that. You have a nice career yourself and have a perfect home. It’s really not a competition and you don’t need to make it into one. We were having a perfectly nice meal.” As soon as the words finish leaving my mouth, I know I’ve made a mistake.
“Howdareyou speak to me that way? We have a guest here, Maeren, or have you forgotten your etiquette?” she seethes.
“I simply pointed out that you have a good life and there was no need to compare. You must have selective hearing because Inever once insulted you. It seems the only one with bad etiquette here is you, Mother.” Too late to turn back now, why not bury myself deeper?
“You ungrateful, self-centered, spoiled brat of a child.” Her words are low but dangerous.
“I’ll take that as my cue to leave. It was lovely meeting you, Simon.” I stand up to go, willing the tears building in my eyes to stay put as Simon jumps up from his seat.
“Let me walk you out.” He follows me to the front door and apologizes for my mother. “I’m so sorry for her outburst, I was hoping this would be a nice family dinner and I could get to know Leanne’s only child.”
“Don’t worry about it. We have a rather complicated relationship, and I’m used to her extreme behaviors. I only hope she treats you better than she ever has me,” I explain solemnly.
“I’ll talk to her tonight, see if she will come around. I’d love to have you back for dinner soon and get to know you more. Take care now.” I wave goodbye and silence my cellphone when I reach my car, knowing that soon enough it will be blowing up. Not even a man present can keep my mother somewhat in check. You’d think she’d try to impress the person she’s sleeping and apparently playing house with, but maybe she thinks belittling meisimpressive. Wouldn’t surprise me. I don’t know how she isn’t thoroughly embarrassed with herself, but narcissists never are.
I stood my ground though, and I’m really proud of myself for that. Being rejected by family never gets easier, but I didn’t cower under her. So, ultimately, dinner went as well as it could have. Usually, I’m in tears before I leave, but not this time. What I said was true, too. I do okay for myself. The reminder of this pushes my insecurities to the back of my mind, replacing it with resolve. I’m on my own, I don’t need her, and I can let her go.The next family dinner that comes around will be me ending things with her once and for all.
If she can’t have a normal relationship with me then she isn’t having whatever semblance of one this is either. I deserve better; Iambetter. I only hope Simon sees right through her and leaves too. She ruins everyone in her vicinity. All she knows how to do is take and take from them. Leanne isn’t worth the air she breathes, and I hope once I’m done with her, she never puts anyone under her thumb again.
Part of me feels guilty for these thoughts because she’s still my mother, a fact she’s made sure to throw in my face hundreds of times. But blood doesn’t make family and I don’t owe her my love, loyalty, or time of day. I have a life of my own, a job, and an amazing best friend. I’m never going to be truly happy with her in my life, so yes, the next time I see her will be the last. I’m cutting ties for good. It’s high time.
The drivehome really helps me organize my thoughts and solidify my plan to cut contact with my mother. Leanne. I should start calling her Leanne now. It’ll make the break easier the quicker I separate who she is from the role she was supposed to play in my life, because while she did birth me, she hasn’t been a mom to me in a really, really long time.
Maybe I should be more upset about the impending cut, but instead I feel lighter. It’s truthfully been a long time coming, and soon I won't have to tread lightly around anyone at all. I can embrace who I am and surround myself with those who want to be in my life and support me. I think this is exactly what I’veneeded to do since I left home, but I never had the courage to until now.
Xander obviously doesn’t know about my family, but something tells me if he did, he would have given me the courage to leave my comfort zone and do what needs to be done. I don’t think he’d be happy to ever see any harm befall me with how possessive he is of me, even this early into… whatever we are. I feel emboldened and empowered when I’m around him. Like his forthright attitude rubs off on me and makes me feel strong enough to stand my ground, something I’ve never been able to do well.
When I get home I grab my phone to text him and just as I guessed, my mother has been bombarding me with messages and calls and even a couple of voicemails. I briefly look at the texts and see that she’s once again given me her usual spiel. The gist of the messages are the same as always but she’s thrown in a few new ones too. So original.
7:02 pm: I can’t believe you acted like that in front of a guest. My partner, no less.
7:02 pm: I knew I shouldn’t have invited you, you ruin everything. Always have. Like father, like daughter.
7:03 pm: You always try to make me out to be a horrible mother. I can’t believe you tried to sabotage our dinner.
