Page 53 of A Certain Step
It couldn’t be…
Her whole body trembled with nerves and a bustle of emotions over which she had zero control. She almost wanted to stop and let Ethan catch up with her, but the tension was too high. She rushed to the bathroom to catch her breath.
When she came out, hoping maybe five whole minutes had passed at least, it’d only been two. There were thirteen minutes left to...What?Ponder her overbearing feelings? She didn’t even have to change out of this outfit because it was the costume Elizabeth would still be wearing when she stumbled into the forbidden corridors. God, she missed her ladder. It was far less intimidating than Ethan’s eyes pleading with hers.
She walked back out, hoping Ethan was occupied.
Somewhere,anywhere,far away from her.
She went into her dressing room, where Sahar sprang out of her seat and wrapped her arms tightly around Willa’s neck. “Holy shit, Willa!” she screeched.
Willa could feel Sahar’s excitement pulse through her, the giddiness in her voice,the way she rocked her back and forth. “Was everything okay?” she asked.
Sahar pulled away and glared at her. “Okay?Okay?Willa, I watched bits of you two rehearsing, but I’veneverseen anything like that. I swear you could see the flames rising from in between you two. I would’ve paid big money to have seen that from the audience’s point of view.”
Willa swallowed a rigid lump in her throat, moved toward the vanity, and chugged from her water bottle. Her voice quivered slightly. “Okay, good. That’s good. That means we did our jobs.”
“Babe, you didn’t just do your job. You went above and beyond. How do you feel?” Sahar asked.
Willa shook her head. “I can’t go into that. Do I need to touch up anything?”
“Lipstick and a little blush,” Sahar answered honestly.
Willa sat for a beat and tried to steady the tremors in her leg. She leaned forward, opened the red lipstick, reapplied it, and then blotted. She then added more blush, focusing on the spot where Ethan’s hand had lingered.
She took deep breaths, cleared her throat, and drank more water. She was glad not to have scenes with Ethan for two numbers, until the end of “The Letter,” at least. And though they’d be more of a couple during “All For You,” it would be easier to know the end was near.
Willa looked at Sahar through the mirror. “He told me earlier that we could keep things a little more tamed during ‘All For You’. I know you all improv some of those moments.”
Sahar concurred. “That’s understandable. He and Naomi are used to playing off one another with it. I think it’ll also help that Sam and I will be there with you two.”
“Yeah, definitely. Apart from that last confession. I can’t wait until both of you are with us. The spotlight is so rewarding as an actress, but the Ethan of it all…well.”
Sahar gave her an understanding look.
Perhaps it was the ferocity of the emotions in “Marry Me” that were driving her into such a frenzied state. Outside of her own feelings, the tension and vulnerability demanded a lot from the actors. Maybe it was knowing how much audience members loved that scene that also added far more pressure. It could’ve also been the aftermath of kissing him that made her reactions more electric, but fuck, it was…everything.
The show spedthrough in the second half with a different point of view on “Forbidden Corridors,” putting her in the necessary state of despair and frustration to push through the rest of the numbers. Thankfully and surprisingly, “Elizabeth’s Breakdown” was a cathartic release of the emotions roaring inside of her. Willa had only ever had one solo before, and she’d completely forgotten how gratifying it could be. The cheers were loud and lovely, and for a moment, she was convinced that fully embodying the character would put her desires aside.
But that turned out to be near impossible because Ethan’s appearance upon delivering the letter to Elizabeth was something else entirely. Defeat and determination brought forth an expression that nearly astonished her. He wore such a bewitching gaze that if she had any control in awarding accolades, she’d give him every single one solely for this moment alone. She hadn’t fully seen him while he performed during this number because she was changing, and rehearsals seldom did the real thing justice.
And even if she had seen it, up close like this was an indescribable sight to behold.
Did his eyes always look this misty?
Their hands brushed as he exited, and when she looked back, she couldn’t say if she did it as Willa or Elizabeth. She opened the paper, read, covered her mouth with her hand, and slowly sauntered out.
The ensemble prepped for Jane and Bingley’s wedding, moving around the four of them to bring to life the quaint celebration that’d take place at Pemberley’s grounds. Sam and Sahar were always adorable during this number, but Elizabeth’s eyes remained glued on Darcy’s.
Conversations in silence moved them to new grounds and a more profound understanding.
She went off stage as “Shut It Down, Darcy” brought the legendary Maggie Garner into the spotlight. She could’ve stayed to watch—she wanted to since she rarely got to witness this number and didn’t have to change this time around. But she went out into the wings and grabbed Elizabeth’s valise instead.
Willa, as Elizabeth, prepared to leave Pemberley, but as she reached the doors that had once welcomed the Bennet sisters inside, a hand stopped her. Gentle and warm.Ethan’s. Darcy’s.
“Wait,” he sang, the same as before but different in its cadence. She turned to face him. Darcy’s words didn’t hit Willa as hard as Ethan’s performance or the vulnerability in his voice. The character was so different from her best friend, but it still struck deep, signifying that no matter the parts they played or where they went in the world, his eyes would always be home to her.
He sang his confession to her, his voice sweeter than in “Marry Me.”
