Page 69 of Aftersome
From the corner of my eye, I saw her head swing over in my direction.
“Can you blame me? You’ve been nothing but a complete ass to me. Telling me to leave and that you don’t want me in your life and now suddenly, I have you trying to hold my hand and chase after me? I don’t understand you, Mal! No one understands you, and I’m so tired of this back and forth. Either hate me or don’t. Just for once… Make up your mind about me.”
My heart had gone into a frenzy by the end of her short speech. In that moment, I wanted her. To pull her into my arms and quiet her with my mouth. Kiss her until she’d surrender and everything would go calm. Our minds, the pain, everything would go away if I tasted her.
Even just for a moment.
But I knew I couldn’t and instead, my irritation had doubled in size. I was angry and confused that I wanted her. Furious that she was getting to me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Even as her gaze was now fully centered on me, I could see the frustration. Red-rimmed eyes and all, she appeared to be at a tipping point.
And it was now my fault.
“I can barely deal with this.” She motioned toward herself and her tearstained cheeks. “Let alone you right now.”
“Do I make it worse?”
Caught off guard like she wasn’t expecting the question, she just gawked at me.
“Do you make it worse?” she repeated. “Of course you do, I just don’t know how to get rid of you.”
Again, her words had punctured but I couldn’t let them affect me. She was overwhelmed, upset, and my presence wasn’t exactly helping the situation.
“Would that make you feel better? Me leaving?” I asked.
“Yes,” she responded firmly, before she went back to peering off into the distance. I knew I should have taken that as my cue to leave her alone, but I didn’t. Instead, I stayed beside her.
I was being selfish.
But I knew I couldn’t leave her alone.
“No.”
The word came out quiet almost like she said it in defeat. At first, I thought my ears were playing tricks on me. I even stole a glance at her to see if she had said it, and when her eyes had collided with mine, I had gotten my answer.
“I just don’t know why you chased after me,” she admitted. “Or why you felt like you needed to. “
“You were upset. I’d be an asshole if I didn’t make sure you were okay.”
She gave me an insightful stare. One that was meant for dissecting every word and every move I made to get an answer.
Good luck, Doe.
“You want me to believe that you did this out of the goodness of your heart?” She raised a blonde brow in question, drawing me toward the tiny little wrinkles on her forehead. “Were you worried about me, Mal?”
My eyes narrowed on her. Slight amusement spread across her features and with the tilt of her mouth, my heart rate sped up.
Her makeup was smudged all around her eyes and cheeks, and I still had yet to find anyone more alluring than her.
“Why are you crying, Doe?”
Her smile slowly fell away and her demeanor shifted. I saw a haziness in her eyes that told me she was beginning to shut down and maybe even close herself off from me. I felt somewhat responsible, but I needed her to let it all out.
“Am I crying?” she joked on a cry as she wiped at her face and dropped her left cheek onto the tops of her knees. “Any tips on how I can be more like you and never cry?”
“Trust me, you don’t want to be anything like me.”
She watched me curiously and suddenly I was brought back to when I first met her. In the hospital elevator when she looked mortified that I had caught her watching me.
“In moments like these I do.”
