Page 36 of Nodus Tollens
Fuck.
Once both arms were through the holes in my shirt, I spun around and glared at him.
“Like I said, none of your business.” I reiterated while I reached down at my feet for my bag and tossed it over my shoulder. Hendricks’ amused stare never wavered from mine as he stood before me with only a towel wrapped around his waist. He glanced at my locker briefly, then shook his head with a short laugh.
“She must be makin’ you work for it, huh?” The side of his mouth tilted up, causing my arms to tighten at my sides. Just the mention of her on his lips made me fucking tense up.
He raked a hand through his wet, shaggy hair and started walking toward his locker. Across from me and a few lockers to the right, he had his back turned. “Decker, if all you need is some pussy, then I got you. You don’t need to be doing all that.” He rotated his head to the side and motioned toward my locker. The guys next to me started to chuckle, and for a moment there, all I saw was red.
Why did I feel the sudden urge to slam the fucker into his locker?
This was how the guys were, though. This was their mentality. It was okay to work hard at hockey, but when it came to women, they all wanted easy. They didn’t want to put in any effort, even if the reward was going to be fucking phenomenal. Easy pussy was hassle-free. No commitments, no stress. That’s why I prayed one day that each one of these bastards would be knocked onto their asses by a girl who changed their whole perspective on life. Then, maybe they’d finally understand.
“Hey, you good?” Mal emerged from the showers with a white towel around his waist and his dark hair slicked back off his face. His concerned eyes scoured mine as he slowly approached and gauged the room. At 6’7, he towered over the whole team. With his broad chest fully on display, he resembled the Hulk more than he did a hockey player.
“Don’t worry, Mal, your boyfriend’s good.” Hendricks teased, causing Mal to narrow his eyes at him in annoyance. The guys all loved to fuck with us about our friendship. Though he was more like a brother to me, our teammates saw our protectiveness of each other and closeness as something romantic.
“Fuck off, Hendricks. I wasn’t talking to you.” Mal growled and focused his attention back on me.
“I’m fine.” I grumbled while avoiding his stare, which was currently pinning me down. Readjusting the strap on my shoulder, my eyes immediately sought out the exit. I knew I’d blow my top if I stood there any longer. I’d fucking lose it.
Every day I felt like I was on the verge of collapsing. How could someone like me, who essentially had everything they ever dreamed of, feel this way? Was it life’s cruel joke to make my dad sick or to have the girl of my dreams want nothing to do with me? I wanted to fall to my knees and viciously pull at my hair until God had mercy on me and finally gave me the answers I needed.
I wasn’t just spiraling. I was sinking. Without a way out. Without the desire to get out, either.
What the hell was happening to me?
Skating past Mal and everyone else in the locker room, I started to run. I heard my name being called, but I had only one place in mind that I wanted to go, and right now, I didn’t care if I wasn’t welcome. I just needed to see her face, hear her voice. Anything to stop the racing thoughts in my head from worsening. Even if she just answered the door to tell me to leave, I wouldn’t care. At this point, anything would be better than this.
Once in my car, I high-tailed it out of there and drove straight to the dorms. It wasn’t a far drive, but it felt like an eternity had passed by the time I got there. Throwing my car into park, I hastily made my way to the front doors and took off. My lungs then suddenly stopped working as all the air around me vanished. A tightening in my chest expanded with each step I took, and I knew if I just held on until I got there, I’d be okay.
I knew I’d be okay.
The pain morphed into panic until I finally made it to her floor and sprinted the rest of the way down the hall. Her door was in view, fucking finally. It was right there. Only a few more steps…
That’s when I saw blue. Not the person, not Wren, but the blue notebook I had left her. It was resting beside her door. Just when I thought I’d be able to breathe again, I was now suffocating in emotions. Curiosity, excitement, panic. It all hit me like a sack of bricks. Standing in front of her door motionless, I was terrified to look at it. What if there was nothing more in there besides the foolish words I had written? Could I even handle that blow right now but fuck it… I needed to know.
Right now, I needed something that would tell me I wasn’t wasting my time here. If there was fucking anything in this notebook, then I would know.
I would know that, deep down, she wanted me, even if she didn’t want to admit it to herself. Yet.
Slow and hesitant with my movements, I bent low and wrapped my fingers around the flimsy notebook. My heart galloped the second it touched my skin, and for some reason, I just knew there was something in there. Call it intuition, but when a firework of explosions erupted beneath my fingertips, I took it as a sign. So, on a deep breath, I opened it to the first page, and a surge of happiness and relief flooded me.
She wrote back.
She fucking wrote me back.
Guy, who I want nothing to do with,
A laugh bursted from my throat.
To answer your question, I am good with words. In fact, I’m so good that I can tell you to leave me alone in three other languages.
Laisse-moi tranquille
Lasciami in pace
Déjame en paz
