Page 119 of Nodus Tollens
She shifted around in her chair to where she was now sitting criss-cross applesauce. Her tiny as fuck frame fit perfectly in the chair, where I couldn’t move an inch without the risk of it crumbling.
“Yeah, it’s okay to lighten up, you know. Take it from me. Before I met Hayes, I felt like I constantly had a storm cloud over my head. From the day I was born, actually…” I watched as her mouth went from a frown to an appreciative smile. Even in her eyes, I noticed a change in them from when I had seen her at the hospital.
And yes, I still remembered what they looked like when I caught them watching me. The prettiest angelic shade of blue stared back at me, fucking show-stopping, but I couldn’t help but notice a sadness in them. What made me feel that way? I still have no clue because it wasn’t like I was some fuckin’ expert on reading eyes. But that day, one I swore to never bring up again, I saw her.
“And now.” She interrupted my thoughts and brought me back to the conversation. “Now, I finally feel like I see the sun.”
The sun always shined brighter on those who deserved it. Did I deserve happiness in my life? Maybe one day, but now, no. Happiness, to me, seemed like a distant fuckin’ dream that existed in a fantasy world. Like an unreachable goal, but for some, it was like riding a bike. It was that easy to find.
And some spread their happiness to others. A selfless act. But what did they receive in return? Nothing of fuckin’ importance, I’ll tell you that. A smile maybe, laughter, something that expressed ‘happiness’, but other than that, they didn’t get much. Hayes was the perfect example of what spreading someone’s cheer did. On me, the grumpiest fucker out there, he tried. I smiled on occasion. I only laughed when something was really fuckin’ funny. But was all that really worth it? Was it a constant battle for him to stay happy around someone so gloomy?
I didn’t need him to make me happy. Not when he made me feel like a fuckin’ person. Not when he made me feel important. Even when I felt lower than the dirt below me, he made me feel like I was worth it. I think that’s really all someone needs.
To be shown that they fuckin matter in this world.
“Mal?” The faint sound of Wren’s voice pulled me out again. “If you want me to go, I will. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, too.”
She was worried about me? Why?
Shocked, I slouched back in my chair with a cough and let my legs spread further apart.
“What about Hayes?”
“His dad is talking with him.”
Ah, so that’s why she was out here.
“Can I give you some advice?” I could feel her stare heavy on me. My overgrown hair was hanging slightly over the sides of my face, creating a shield of sorts, but I felt more vulnerable than ever. Throat contracting from her unwavering gaze, I nodded.
“If you must.” I answered.
If you must? Why the fuck did I say it like that?
Her chest expanded on a deep breath as if summoning enough courage to say what she had to say. She was doing good at this point, telling me what was on her mind, but suddenly, she looked more nervous than before. Anxious even as her tongue lashed across her bottom lip.
“Most of us don’t think about time as being precious. We take it for granted… Until something happens.” She kept her eyes forward and away from me. “No one ever thinks that the last time is the last. You always imagine more, like life is something that lasts forever. But it’s not.” Out of the corner of her eye, she glanced at me, and that’s when I saw the tear. The one single teardrop that hung just beside her eye. “So don’t shut Hayes out because of this. Don’t let something that could easily be forgiven ruin a lifetime’s worth of friendship because life is short. Time is precious.”
Fuck.
My chest felt like there had been a heavy weight placed directly over my heart. I wasn’t one to be affected by other’s words or tears, but seeing Wren pour her heart out to someone who didn’t deserve it made my lungs fucking seize. The words she spoke weren’t just something made up from the top of her head. This was something she held dear to her heart. They were important to her, and even though only one tear fell, it held way more significance and power than a torrent of tears.
“It’s okay to be upset and mad at him. Just… don’t…”
“I am upset, and I am fuckin’ mad at him.” I repeated and watched as her expression faltered into a frown. “But I’ll get over it. I’ll learn to accept his decision and move on. I’ll always fuckin’ forgive him. Always, so please, just don’t… cry.” I grunted, trying not to sound affected by the sadness in her eyes.
“He’s a good guy, Mal. So good, and I know the last thing he wanted to do was hurt you.”
I already knew that Hayes would never intentionally try to hurt me, but it didn’t hurt any less.
“He’s a great fuckin’ guy, even if he did drop a bomb like that.” Rolling my eyes, I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. Why? I don’t fuckin know, but it came out. Wren caught the end of the short grunt of laughter, and her eyes grew wide. Probably wondering why I thought what I said was funny.
“Did you… Did you just laugh?” She asked in disbelief as she practically turned her chair in my direction and stared at me. “I didn’t think you could or knew how to laugh.”
“You think I’m some damn robot or something? Of course, I know how to fuckin’ laugh.” Narrowing my eyes, I then shook my head. “Seriously, Doe?”
Her face flushed a deep shade of crimson as I teased her with the nickname I had given her at the bar.
“I’m not trying to make fun of you or anything. It was just… nice to hear, is all.”
