Page 115 of Nodus Tollens
Menacingly.
“You’re right. You could never fuckin’ be me.” Mal snarled, sending a cold chill down my spine.
“But you won’t have to worry about it much longer. Me trying to be you, that is.” Hayes announced. “I’m done with hockey after this year.”
On that, everyone’s shocked eyes flew to Hayes. I swear there was a gasp that came from Shelia, but I was too busy staring at Hayes to care.
“Hayes, what are you talking about?” Greg asked as I remained stuck and locked in Hayes’ firm grip on my hand.
“I’m done.” He confessed as if a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “I think I’ve been done for a while. I just… hadn’t found the courage to say it yet.”
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. Hayes Decker was hockey. He was the face of the Vipers, the name everyone cheered, and for some reason, the confession hurt. Not because he didn’t want to play anymore but because he hadn’t told me. Or even hinted at the fact he was thinking of quitting.
Was I too caught up in my own problems to care?
My heart ached for him because they all looked at him like he was delusional, but more so, the expression on Mal’s face had me chewing roughly on my bottom lip.
“You’re done? Just like that, you’re fucking done with your dream?” Mal laughed.
“I’ve been done for a while, Mal.”
Mal pushed off the table and rose to his feet with force. The table rattled, causing plates to almost tumble to the ground and glasses to spill. But Mal didn’t care. He looked crushed, devastated, fucking heated, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop him. Not when his muscles bulged and his jaw set with his stare on Hayes.
“You’ve been done for a while? Since when, and why am I just now fucking hearing about it?” Mal’s voice panicked, but it was hidden behind the palpable anger that emitted from him.
The tension surrounding us was so thick and powerful that you could see its effects on each one of our faces. His parents both looked torn on which son to comfort. Each simmering in their own anger and reasonings, but neither backing down.
“Since it hit me that this isn’t my dream any longer.” Hayes dropped his hold on my hand and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked tired. Though his voice wasn’t booming and vibrating the walls like Mal’s, I could see it was getting there. He was holding back, and all I could think about was reaching out to him and snatching his hand again. It couldn’t have been easy for him to confess his plans. Especially in front of everyone like this, but he had to have expected this type of reaction out of Mal, though. Abrupt, with no thought behind his words. He let his emotions override all rational thinking. Just like in hockey, he played life the same way. “And just because you’re my best friend, doesn’t mean I need to divulge everything little thing to you. Especially when I knew you would act like this.”
“What? So, she’s your fuckin’ dream now?” Mal motioned with the wave of his hand toward me and a ridiculing laughter. Mouth in the form of a deep scowl, he glanced at me like I was the scum on his shoe. He didn’t look like the adorable vending machine guy or the best friend of Hayes that I had met. Instead, he was cloaked in rage. “You’re just gonna throw it all away for some fuckin’ girl you met a little over a month ago?”
“Don’t.” Hayes demanded. “Don’t you dare bring Blue into this. I’ve had these thoughts long before I met her.”
My heart thundered wildly as Hayes defended me. He went from composed to ready to attack.
My eyes narrowed, and I watched as Mal’s chest rose and fell. His breathing was long and steady, but I could sense that, at any moment, he could come undone.
Explode.
“Then, please tell me because I’m fuckin’ lost here.”
Sighing, Hayes leaned back in his chair and let his head fall back. With his corded neck on display and eyes closed, he went silent for a moment. I thought maybe his parents would interject, but instead, they just listened.
“You’re not supposed to understand. How can you when your whole life revolves around hockey.”
“It’s all I fucking have!” Mal shouted.
I flinched as the table jerked from his large body grazing the outer edge of it. Even Shelia jumped, but Hayes and Mal were too caught up in the moment to notice.
“And there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not what I want anymore.”
“What the fuck do you want then?”
Another wave of silence went over us. There may have been no words spoken in those short seconds, but it had felt the loudest.
“I want to be happy.”
Happy.
