Page 80 of Nodus Tollens
Hayes’ eyes grew more suspicious as they narrowed in my direction. He already knew something was up with me after the shit show that had transpired with my dad, but the way he was studying me now made me believe he knew something else was wrong.
“You lost track of time sitting up at the bar by yourself? Kind of looked like you were trying to get that girl’s attention over there?” He chuckled and nodded his head toward the blonde.
My eyes dive-bombed to catch Blue’s reaction. It bothered me for some unknown reason that she didn’t at least show some sort of emotion toward what Hayes said. Instead, her uncomfortable gaze flitted between the both of us and then eventually focused elsewhere.
“Nah, I just caught her staring at me a couple times.” I lied. “What are you guys up to?” I didn’t really want to know, but I asked anyway. To break up the tension. To get Hayes off my fucking case, but really I wanted to make Blue more uncomfortable. I could sense the stiffness in her frame, even as she held onto Hayes’ hand and leaned into his side. There was a downpour of unease rushing over her. That much was obvious. Normally, I wouldn’t care. If she were any other girl, it wouldn’t bother me as much as it is now.
But I cared.
More than I should. More than I wanted to.
And therein lay the problem.
“I just got done kicking Blue’s ass in pool.” Hayes grinned wide and pulled her in closer with his arm. She happily snuggled in closer on the roll of her eyes.
“You didn’t kick my ass.” She mumbled, almost too quiet for me to hear. “It was a close game, and I would have won if it weren’t for the floor.”
God, her voice was sweet. Soft like velvet, I wanted to hear more.
“You’re going to blame it on the floor? Seriously, babe? There ain’t nothin’ wrong with the floor.” He stared down deeply into her eyes with a beyond-amused expression across his face that had my blood boiling.
He called her babe.
He stared at her like I wanted to.
Fuck.
“It was slick! My shoes couldn’t get any traction, and when I went to hit the ball, my foot slipped.” She pouted, causing her perfect bottom lip to poke out even more. I bet she had no fucking clue what she was doing to me in that moment. Even Hayes was drawn to the movement as his stare traced her lips with precision.
I ripped my eyes from her tempting mouth and took a heavy, deep breath. I felt like a dirtbag staring at her the way I was, especially when it was obvious that Hayes was looking at her with stars in her eyes like he was… in love?
My best friend was in love. Head over heels in love, and that’s when it hit me. A pain like no other plowed through me at the sudden realization. This girl was never going to be mine.
I mean, look at their faces. Raw adoration shone in their gazes as they stared into each other with loving stares as if there was no one else in the bar. I couldn’t fucking ruin that. I couldn’t ruin my best friend’s chance at love because I was envious of him. She deserved someone who could give her everything she wanted and needed, and I knew I couldn’t be that guy. I wasn’t like Hayes. I wasn’t sweet or charming. I wasn’t caring or compassionate. I lacked what made a good, wholesome person, and I accepted long ago that I was never going to be like him. So, I was only left with one option. One grueling, agonizing option that would leave a lasting imprint on my heart until the day I died.
I had to let her go.
“Hey, you mind if Blue sits with you while I run to the bathroom real quick?” Out of nowhere, I was pulled from my epiphany as Hayes leaned his palm onto my shoulder.
Shit.
I couldn’t say no, but the last thing I wanted was to be left alone with her.
“Sure, no problem.” I grumbled, already regretting my decision, when he pulled her toward the vacant seat next to me and helped her onto it. With his hands on her waist, he scooted her butt until she was perfectly centered and comfortable in the chair.
“You gonna be okay?” He asked beside me, causing my eyes to roll at the sudden chivalry he obtained. “I won’t be gone long.” He reassured.
“Yes, I’ll be fine, Hayes.” She teased nervously as I spun back around in my stool and faced forward. For some reason, he was hesitant. I wanted to tell him to fucking go already. I could handle watching his girl for a few minutes, but when I was about to open my mouth to say something, he dropped a quick kiss on her head and departed.
Leaving Blue and I alone.
Side by side, with our legs almost touching, we sat in awkward silence. Other than the music floating around us and the loud chatter, it felt like we were alone. With my beer bottle empty, I couldn’t even break the tension by taking a long, much-needed swig. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her shift uncomfortably. Her hands were clasped together on the bar top while her stare was focused in front of her.
“I assume you’re a hockey player, as well?” Her voice came out strained, lacking any confidence. I could barely hear her. Luckily, we were close enough that I could make out her soft words, but I couldn’t stop the tightening in my jaw. I was irritated by the question. Beyond fucking furious that I wanted to grip her thigh and spin her chair around until she was facing me. What I would do after, I was conflicted. I wanted to demand answers on why she refused me. Why she hadn’t given me her name and why Hayes was somehow able to persuade her. I longed for answers, but instead, I kept my cool.
“Yeah? And what made you assume that?” I scoffed under my breath. Apparently, Hayes hasn’t said much about me. I don’t know whether to be offended or relieved.
“I just figured by your um… size and stature that you play. Am I wrong?” She fumbled over her words, almost like she was afraid of what I may respond with. I guess I didn’t blame her for tripping over her words like most people did when they were in my presence. Compared to her, I looked like a fucking giant.
