Page 57 of Nodus Tollens
She sucked in a breath, stunned and in shock at what I had just confessed.
“I’m all in. I just need you to give me a chance to convince you to be all in with me.”
Her unblinking stare took me in but in a different light. She was staring up into my glassy eyes as if I had just stolen her breath, maybe even her heart, as she leaned closer into my chest. My body started to heave. My heart pounded, and my lungs were desperate to find air.
This girl was everything. The calm to my storm, the remedy for my pain, and the air that kept me breathing. It may sound completely insane to some to fall so deeply and fast for someone, but what if this girl was meant to be mine? What if I was chosen to be her light in the darkness? What if she was supposed to be mine?
“Baby..” I began to say to get her attention, but before I could finish, my brave girl rose up onto her toes. There was no hesitation in her movements, no sudden pause before her mouth connected with mine in an earth-shattering kiss. My eyes sprung open wide, shocked that she was the one initiating it when I thought for sure I’d be the one to do it. But I wasn’t complaining. Hell no, I couldn’t. Not when my heart thundered wildly, and my hand fisted the hair on the back of her head.
Finally.
Fucking finally.
Every pent-up emotion led us to this moment right here. We weren’t just kissing. We were at war. Tongues tangling, teeth biting, lips mashing, we were giving our souls what they needed. What they demanded, and nothing in this world felt more perfect than having her here in my arms.
Using my hold on her hair, I angled her perfectly. I lavished her mouth with gentle strokes of my tongue, and when she tried to take charge, I swiftly regained control as I moved my palm from the back of her head to her cheek. With one side cupped, I gently seized the other side and slowed things down. I needed her to be present in this, I needed her to feel just how badly I needed her, and I poured it all into our kiss. Every slash of my tongue meant something. Every tender swipe of my lips was filled with so much emotion, and I could feel her finally softening. No longer trying to attack me, she became pliant.
I couldn’t get enough.
Then, ever so gently, she placed both of her hands on the center of my chest. At first, I thought she might push me away, but she didn’t. Instead, she just kept them glued there as if she never wanted to be separated from me.
She had to have felt the vibration of my heart under her palms. There was no way she couldn’t when my lips tingled from the intensity of it. She wasn’t just giving me her mouth. She was unknowingly coiling herself around my heart and soul, leaving no room to spare for uncertainty. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her. Nothing I wouldn’t sacrifice to have this girl a little longer. If I had to, I’d give her the heart right out of my chest if that meant she’d be okay.
She pulled away, and we both took the opportunity to catch our breaths. With my palms still cupping her face, I peered down into her eyes, waiting for some sort of lapse in judgment comment from her, but to my surprise, it never came.
“I’m scared, Hayes.” She confessed, causing my fingers to rub soothingly under her eyes. The last thing I wanted her to be was scared, but I understood why she was because I was scared too. Scared of losing her, scared of losing my dad, but I couldn’t let my fear stop me from living and making every moment count. Tomorrow wasn’t guaranteed. Not the next minute or even the next second. That’s why I needed to act now rather than later. I needed this girl despite everything going against us. Despite the unknown time stamp. Despite everything she might say to get me to move on from her. I needed her, and I could confidently say this girl needed me just as much.
“Then we can be scared together.” My eyes dropped back down to her dewy lips, desperate for another taste.
“Promise me something…” She whispered.
“Anything.”
“Don’t hate me when I leave you.”
When… she said. Not if.
Fuck.
I couldn’t even think about that possibility right now. Not when I had just found her.
“I could never hate you, Blue.” The ache in my gut intensified, but I kept my emotions at bay for her.
“Hayes…please, if we…” She swallowed. “Do this, then I need you to promise me these things. I’ve had it in my head for so long that I would never let anyone in, and then you came along.” Her eyes twinkled as they peered up into mine with a look of fear and adoration. “And made me question everything.”
My heart expanded at her declaration. Now that I had her, I didn’t want to waste one more second. I wanted to spend all my days showing her just how good it could be between us. And somewhere along the way, I’d make her fall in love with me, too. I’d give her a reason to believe in happily ever afters.
How was I even going to be able to let her leave tonight? The primal instinct inside me demanded that she’d stay with me. To the end of time, I wanted to spend every waking moment with her, but I knew that wasn’t a possibility.
“I know it’s not easy for you, Blue. To open yourself up like this to someone, but I can promise you’re safe with me.” I dropped my head against hers and inhaled. “Your heart’s safe with me, and I can promise you that for the rest of your life, it’ll be in good hands.”
A long-drawn-out breath broke free from her mouth and filled my soul with warmth.
“You can’t promise me a lifetime, Hayes.” She whispered. Her words danced across my lips.
“How about I promise you forever instead?” I tell her. Reaching for her hand, I clasp her fingers and lift our hands until her palm is resting over my racing heart. “Feel that?”
With our foreheads still connected, I watched as her stare dropped to where her palm was lying on my chest. Ever so softly, I drew a small heart on the top of her hand with my finger and replicated the gesture continuously.
