Page 101 of Nodus Tollens
“I’m okay, baby.” I mouthed to him, and his shoulders dropped once again. Eyes closed, he let his helmeted head drop against the glass. It was a gesture meant for only me. As if no one else was around us, and there wasn’t a bunch of screaming fans directing their words at us, I watched as his mouth began to move.
Three words I never thought I would hear from a boy.
Three words I’ve been terrified to hear.
Three words that would ultimately change everything.
“I love you.” He had mouthed.
I didn’t realize it until now, but my eyes had closed along with his. As I soaked in the gravity of his words, I took in a sharp gasp-like breath. I was too stunned to speak. Too stunned to even formulate a thought, and gradually my eyelids lifted, and I was staring into the eyes of the happiest man alive.
He was no longer upset or filled with distress. Instead, his eyes held a warmth that only I could appreciate and acknowledge.
Hayes Decker, the handsome blonde hockey player who I wanted nothing to do with and had eventually made himself the center of my fading world, was in love with me.
Holy shit.
He loved me.
He loved me.
Hayes Decker loved me.
23
WREN
Before I knew it, it was the weekend, and I was going back home with Hayes. I had almost forgotten I had agreed to go, but after I had listened in on a phone call with his parents, he had mentioned he would be bringing me.
His girlfriend.
I could hear his mother’s squeals through the speaker, and an excited, amused feeling washed over me at the thought of her being thrilled to meet me. But as he continued his conversation with a cheeky grin directed at me, a single name that had fallen from his mouth caused my spine to stiffen.
Mal.
Malachi Villareal.
I learned his full name after the multiple childhood stories I’d heard from Hayes on our nightly FaceTime. I didn’t mind listening to the foolish things they did as kids or the heartbreaking revelations of Mal’s family. It made me happy watching the expressions on his face shift when he talked about his best friend. It was clear they were extremely close, and a part of me felt guilty. Guilty that Hayes didn’t know about Mal and I’s encounter at the hospital or the fact that he had made my stomach tumble in somersaults the minute I saw him shaking that vending machine. I hated that I had taken that journey to get a snack that day. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be feeling this way.
Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so remorseful.
I hadn’t seen him since I had recognized him at the bar, but the mention of his name and going back to Hayes’ home had me tensing.
Once he had ended the call with his mom, I just knew… I knew where this was headed and I wanted to crawl under a rock, and come up with an excuse for why I couldn’t go, but I didn’t. Instead, I smiled. I pretended like there was no issue at all with Mal riding with us back to Hayes’s home. I acted as if it was no big deal, even though I hated the idea of being stuck in a car with him. I rolled with the punches.
That’s why I was currently sitting in the back of Hayes’ car, directly behind the passenger seat, so I wouldn’t have to see Mal’s face. It was already awkward enough for me. I didn’t need the possibility of our eyes clashing in the rearview mirror.
“You good back there, babe?” Hayes asked over the soft rock music that was playing.
With my back perched up against the door and my legs sprawled out onto the seats beside me, I glanced up from my notebook and met Hayes’s eyes through the mirror. The first thing I noted was how hot he looked in sunglasses. My god, he looked way too good in black frames that I felt a surge of tingles shoot up my legs.
“Yah, I’m good.” I nodded with a smile and went back to writing. Ever since Hayes had left that notebook at my door, I had kept it as a journal. Every day, I wanted to jot down my thoughts and memories, then eventually give them to Hayes as a way to remember me. I wanted him to be reminded of how grateful I was to have him. I wanted him to know that I loved him beyond words, and this journal would be like having me there with him. I wanted to pour my heart and soul onto the empty pages. I wanted every smile, every kiss, every laugh to be written down so he wouldn’t forget that I had existed. The past, present, and future. I wanted my life to be a book that was solely meant for his eyes.
Written and dedicated just for him.
“Not too cold?” He asked.
Laughing, I snuggled my free hand deeper into the sleeve of my hoodie and shook my head.
