Page 65 of Losing Sleep
She let out a long breath, scooting back on the couch to better see me. “Honestly, I think you’d be a great yoga instructor. You’re always going to classes at the rec center. You’re kind and patient. You’ve led Chloe and me through more yoga flows than I can count, and we’re not the easiest students.”
I bit back a laugh as I remembered multiple late night yoga sessions with the two of them giggling and falling over while I patiently tried to help them find their balance.
I leaned back, letting my head fall onto the couch as I closed my eyes, blocking out all the pressure. “I’ve only done the most basic research into becoming an instructor.”
My few internet searches were hardly sufficient to help me pursue a change of careers.
“Then I guess you know where to start. Do some research, see what’s feasible, and go from there. Audrey…” she paused, resting her hand on my arm and waiting until I looked at her. “Don’t worry about rent or doing the practical thing, for once in your life. This is your chance to genuinely chase what you want. Wander a bit, maybe even get a little lost.”
I froze as Mallory’s words reminded me of Grey’s admonitions from the weekend. I tried to push his brown eyes and bearded grin out of my mind, but they seemed to underscore everything Mallory had said, causing my heart to twist as I thought about how I’d left things. It was better this way, wasn’t it?
Mallory left me on the couch, mumbling something about meeting her boyfriend for lunch. While Ridge was only here for the summer before returning to Idaho to finish school, the two of them were inseparable, and I loved seeing how happy he made my roommate.
Ruby crawled into my lap, settling into a tight circle of warmth. I absentmindedly ran my fingers through her soft brown fur, the familiar movement bringing with it a level of comfort I needed.
I could become a yoga instructor, or at least learn what it takes, find out if it’s what I really wanted to do in life. I could do this. It was long past time I took a real risk.
Chapter Thirty-Three
I spent the afternoonresearching what I needed to do to become a yoga instructor. It would take time, but the more I researched, the more excited I became as I pictured the possibilities. I could work at the rec center or a local yoga studio. I might even be able to start my own studio or run my own classes. The possibility of teaching outdoor yoga at local parks or even up in Island Park sounded particularly appealing.
A little before dinner, I pushed up from the couch, my eyes tired from so many hours staring at the computer screen, planning my future. I headed to my room, rubbing at sore muscles that weren’t used to such long stretches on the couch.
My duffle and backpack waited for me on the floor, still full from my trip. The group would have driven back today. I wondered if they’d stopped at the creamery and tried odd milkflavors. Maybe they’d visited Dot and Hank, eaten cookies, and listened to stories about falling in love.
Pushing the thoughts aside, I sorted through the bags’ contents. Unzipping my backpack, a brown bag fell onto the floor. I’d forgotten about Grey’s gift.
I weighed the unassuming paper bag in my hands for a moment, curious. It was probably something simple like an odd flavor of licorice he wanted to goad me into trying. I was fairly certain I’d seen huckleberry flavored everything in the store. Maybe they’d even had huckleberry milk, though the bag wasn’t quite heavy enough for something like that.
I unrolled the top and dumped the contents into my hand. It was the necklace from the display I’d been perusing before running from the store and the complication Grey personified. The gold bar shone brightly against my palm as I read the word etched on it: wander.
Of course that was the word he’d picked. It was utterly perfect, as I thought about the week and everything I’d experienced. I really had wandered, and instead of becoming lost, I’d found myself. I hadn’t even realized I had been missing, lost in all the fears from my mom’s accident, the expectations of work, and the remnants of my failed relationship with Lyle.
But I’d come out the other side, a little more sure about who I was and what I wanted, though the possibilities still brought a level of fear and anxiety I was trying to block out. I wanted a job I loved and a life that fit hiking and yoga and classic rock and cooking and all the interests that made me who I was. I also wanted love, the kind of love that could handle all my self-doubt and help me be braver and stronger for it.
Thoughts of something else, or rather someone else, I also wanted in my life filled my mind, and for the first time since returning from the cabin, I didn’t push thoughts of him away. An image of Grey, with his constant smile and flannel-wrappedarms, played in my thoughts. I wanted him too, but I worried it was too late. I had run away. Why would he want me now?
Yet, he’d be the first person to tell me to be brave and chase what I wanted. I just wasn’t sure how he’d respond if I showed up on his doorstep begging him to give us a chance. Especially when we weren’t even dating. We were two acquaintances who’d become friends on a vacation. Could we be something more?
I studied the gold chain a moment before slipping it around my neck, the bar resting on my chest above my shirt collar, right in alignment with my heart.
I was willing to take the risk to find out.
Chapter Thirty-Four
That evening, I curledup on the couch, Ruby resting on my feet. A cooking show provided quiet background noise as I worked on a budget that would see me through the next several months of uncertainty. I was developing a plan to chase this new dream of mine, and while I wouldn’t be able to make a living initially, the excitement in my belly told me this was already a better life decision.
A knock on the door pulled me from my dreaming. Ruby jumped off the couch and wandered to the door, giving me an impatient look as I trailed behind her. Both Mallory and Chloe were out for the evening. Mallory was off with Ridge, and Chloe had said something about going to a movie with Derek, a guy who she’d friendzoned but who would very much like to change that.
The possibility of seeing Grey on the other side of the door had me opening it without looking through the peephole, even though I knew chances were slim. More likely it would be a neighbor asking to borrow something.
Pushing the door open, I froze when I saw who waited on the other side: Lyle.
He looked good, but something seemed a bit off. His thick, dark hair was trimmed, as always, though the top wasn’t slicked back into perfect lines. It was slightly mussed, as if he’d been running his fingers through the short strands. His green eyes were rimmed with faint circles, and while he smiled when I opened the door, it appeared forced and uncertain. His shirt was wrinkled, the top two buttons undone.
“What are you doing here?” The words popped out of my mouth, void of pleasantries.
“Hello to you too,” Lyle said.
