Page 35 of Losing Sleep
I slipped down the hall towards my bedroom, not wanting to hear the rest of their exchange.
“Grey, you are so funny.” Kylie’s voice followed me down the hall as I ducked into my room to grab a change of clothes.
I bit back a grimace. Strengthening friendships with Tory’s friends would be a good thing. It was part of why I’d come to the cabin. Also, sharing Grey meant I wouldn’t have to listen to any more of his monologues. I might have enjoyed one or two of his nudges, but I reminded myself that there was value in predictability. Having Kylie, Brad, and Alex here was for the best. If I repeated the mantra enough times, I might even believe it.
I showered quickly but took my time styling my hair and applying makeup. Kylie’s perfect hair had left me feeling dowdy, and I needed the protection of my makeup and curled hair to soothe the anxiety that had returned with her arrival. It roiled in my stomach, almost as if the fun, carefree day in Yellowstone had never happened.
Later, I joined Tory in the kitchen and helped pull together dinner while the others explored the surrounding area. After the meal, we played games until dark. The mood had shifted significantly with the arrival of more guests. Instead of the comfortable banter of the night before, the air was charged. The twins brought a competitive, teasing spirit that I appreciated, but Trent’s jaw indicated he felt differently. I watched him flinch each time Brad or Alex brushed arms with Tory.
I was surprised to discover I understood his sentiment. Kylie, with her giggling and need for attention from Grey, set my teeth on edge. I couldn’t tell if she really didn’t know how to play the various games we chose or if she liked how asking questions gave her an excuse to lean into Grey and capture his attention when he explained a particular rule. These exchanges left me feeling unsettled for reasons I didn’t want to examine too closely. I knew Kylie. She was a brilliant strategist, and yet, she played dumb with Grey, something he clearly noticed as he edged farther from her and frequently asked if she genuinely didn’t understand the rules.
“I think that’s enough games for tonight,” Tory said after our third or fourth round of cards, and I almost sighed in relief. “It’s supposed to be a clear night. Who’s up for stargazing?”
The group mumbled their assent, and we broke apart, everyone going their separate ways to change into warmer clothes and gather blankets.
I was one of the first people outside. In the light from the porch, I could see a lone figure lying in the grass next to thefirepit. Using my phone flashlight as a guide, I picked my way over to whoever was already outside, careful not to trip on a protruding rock or root.
“It’s going to be difficult to see the stars with that thing on,” Grey said, laughter clear in his voice as I drew closer.
“I’ll turn it off once I’m safely lying down. The last thing I need is a twisted ankle.” I spread out one of my blankets and settled next to Grey, pulling the other blanket over my legs. I was close enough to feel the heat from his body, but not close enough to touch, though a part of me wanted to roll over and snuggle into his warmth like I’d done the last two nights. Unintentionally sleeping with Grey was becoming a habit I needed to break.
Or did I?asked a mischievous voice in my head. It sounded very much like something my mom would ask, urging me to step outside of my comfort zone and chase something unexpected.
“Thatwouldmake hiking tomorrow difficult,” Grey mused. He was close enough that his breath tickled my ear, and I was tempted to scoot in even closer, soaking in his warmth and comforting scent.
We lay quiet for a minute, more stars appearing as my eyes adjusted to the dark.
“Where’s everyone else?” I asked. “I figured everyone else would have already come out while I was changing.”
“Kylie mentioned something about searching for bug spray. Tory and Trent disappeared for what looked like a pretty serious conversation. I’m not sure what happened to the Adonis twins.”
“That’s the perfect nickname for those two,” I said, humor lacing my tone. Not sure what to say next, I opted for a change of topic, hoping humor would add to the moment. “My hair’s going to be a mess after lying on the ground. Promise not to look too closely when we head inside?”
“Do you ever get tired of all that?” Grey’s words gave me pause, and I sat up to look at him, dragging the blanket with me and hugging it close.
“What do you mean?”
“Tired of constantly worrying about your hair. Tired of being perfect all the time. Tired of trying too hard. Tired of not being yourself.”
His words surprised me. He’d only interacted with me a handful of times. How did he know who my true self was? “How do you know I’m not being myself?”
“It’s just…you look like you’re always checking over your shoulder, watching and waiting for someone to call you out. Today at the Firehole…” He paused, and I felt him shake his head. “That’s the most comfortable I’ve seen you on this trip. And I shared a bed with you.”
I snorted a laugh.
“I was in a swimsuit about to jump into a rushing river. How does that constitute comfortable?” I folded my arms across my chest, trying to hold in the emotions his observations stirred.
“I’m not talking comfortable like sweatpants. I’m talking comfortable like you weren’t trying to hide. You were just you, this amazing, kind woman who’s braver than she thinks and willing to take my teasing and give it right back.” He blew out a deep breath. “Of course, what do I know? I’m just a random guy who speaks without thinking.”
I settled back onto the blanket letting the warmth of his words fill me as I stared up at the stars once more, taking in the specks of light framed by treetops. A breeze blew through the clearing, causing the windchimes on the porch to tinkle.
“I’m not sure what you want me to say.” I finally spoke, my words filling the space between us as I focused on the first part of what he said. “I mean, after that first jump, I did feel comfortable. But that’s just because I knew what I was doing.That first jump was a big unknown. Now, I know what I’m getting into when I jump.”
“Do you always approach life so carefully, afraid to jump into the unknown? Afraid to wander off course?”
Before I could answer, the cabin door opened, followed by voices.
“Sorry it took us so long,” Kylie chirped as she walked over and settled onto the blanket on Grey’s other side. “I forgot my hoodie and we were scrambling to find enough layers to keep me warm. You might need to offer me your arm if it gets too cold, Grey.”
